Joe Rogan Experience #2445 - Bert Kreischer
These notes were generated by AI and may contain inaccuracies.
Joe Rogan and Bert Kreischer discuss red light therapy for eyes and overall health. Bert struggles to read shampoo labels in the shower due to poor vision, often washing hair with conditioner. Joe recommends a powerful red light bed like those from Gary Brecka. Bert tried one at Ways Dwell daily until learning the cost. Whitney has a cheaper panel version she uses for 20 minutes daily, which fixed her eyes. Beds help whole body recovery.
Joe suggests using Perplexity AI to query benefits of powerful red light therapy.
Adoption of AI Tools
Joe uses Perplexity AI extensively instead of Google; asks questions verbally, gets pros/cons lists, including dissenting opinions.
Bert uses AI for personal health/life questions, e.g., "My generation (Gen X) had the greatest run: great childhoods, experienced cell phones impressively, 9/11 (country healed), pandemic, better music (rock), internet takeoff."
ChatGPT corrected him: Greatest Generation (grandparents) saw horse and buggy to cars, TV, moon landing, telephones.
Baby Boomers old enough to not understand cell phones. Millennials got smartphones young.
Joe agrees Gen X/Millennials experienced internet passage, VHS tapes, answering machines, Caller ID, Star 69 (block ID, return prank calls).
Kids don't know prank calls; Jerky Boys recordings hilarious.
Greg Fitzsimmons great prank call to rental car place: car on fire from gas in pots/pans, lit by Bobby smoking.
Sunday Papers podcast (Fitzsimmons and Gibbons) for real comedy fans.
Bert took Greg on road for Lucky prep; Greg critiqued hour-long set, pointing out missed jokes.
Joe and Greg started comedy one week apart, road trips, open mics to Rhode Island. Greg first to talk family on stage non-nerdily: joke about son breastfeeding wife while he was behind her, high-fiving.
Being a dad as comic was off-limits then.
Louis CK second: worked road with him post-Georgia birth; Louis called daughter a "cunt" for not putting on shoes to leave house.
Transformed Bert's view of standup from imitating Dane Cook.
Brendan Walsh Pranks
Brendan Walsh (Austin, art/performance comedy, podcasts in character with neck brace/wig/glasses): Circus City closed near Silver Lake home; prank told everyone turning into Whole Foods, overheard excitement in coffee shop.
Best prank: Phone sex line. Operator asks what wearing; dog barks, baby cries, wife yells "on phone sex again?", marching band plays Louie Louie. Keeps her on line.
Comedy now self-promotional; pure fun-makers like Brendan, Greg, Mike Gibbons, Shane Gillis beautiful.
Shane Gillis Anecdote
Fully Loaded tour first year (Shane, Mark, Nikki): Shane rats out Bert's daughter Georgia (18, PA with Daisy) sneaking beers on last night by telling Bert directly.
Georgia low-key at college; other dads crush/shotgun beers. Bert can "microdose."
Eddie Bravo: Bert "lost everything and got it back" on Shannon Sharpe show? Bert confirms went along off-guard: Shannon said "lost everything, built back"; Bert nodded "I did," then mumbled about focusing/struggling. From Reddit threads/producers' notes.
Bert thought maybe referring to early development deals that didn't become shows, then road work to Travel Channel.
Trouble on show: clips go viral. Katt Williams episode epic, called Joe unfunny (Joe had him on after).
Producers seek viral clips online.
Kevin Hart Luck Story
Shannon: "Bert, you think Kevin Hart's just lucky?" Bert said 12 years ago when no one making money, Kevin claimed hardest working; agent mentioned Fool's Gold: Katt Williams detained for packing gun, needed small Black comic for clothes; got Kevin Hart, skyrocketed him.
Every comic has viral moment: Bert's machine story; Bill Burr Philly rant; Jim Jeffries punched at Comedy Store London, manager Brett Kreischer? Wait, Brett Vincent posted on MySpace.
Tom Segura: Netflix with only Bill Burr before; algorithm pushed "like Burr? Try Segura." Comedy Central hour would have hurt.
Luck in comedy: Joe's Comedy Store kickout/agent loss forced reinvention, podcast creation changed lives.
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Joe Rogan Comedy Store Incident
Menshea (Mitzi?) video proved Joe right about thief; comics hid, flashed light if in room, did crowd work.
Joe already successful (Fear Factor), lost agent, kicked out. Red Ban edited brilliantly with music, timeline.
First accountability; others snuck through, now diminished: early specials great, later nonsensical rants.
Bert can't smoke cigars (blood clot).
Bill Burr didn't love Philly rant (heckle bait) but led to undeniable body of work discovery.
Shane Gillis viral YouTube special.
Bert credits Shane Gillis's breakthrough to his YouTube special, followed by sketches from Gillis and Keeves. Joe notes Gillis getting kicked off SNL was the best thing for him, as he would have been buried otherwise. After the incident, people investigated and realized he was pretending to be a racist in Chinatown during podcast talk. Bert praises Gillis's Special Olympics joke heard on a bus with cousin Andrew; they cried laughing. Bert has known Gillis since open mics, has hysterical emails from him. Story: Day they met, 10 a.m. drinking Fireball during "call sick to work" shows; Gillis mentions girlfriend "Big Tuna," a big girl.
Joe recommends Gillis's special at Creek and the Cave; people see he touches the third rail humorously. Media labeled him a racist after SNL hire. Attacks on good comics help them gain fans: Tony Hinchcliffe blew up. Joe gained 2 million Spotify followers in a month during Spotify controversy; Neil Young and Joni Mitchell removed music from Spotify over Joe's podcast, calling him vaccine denier. Joe notes they were talking to legitimate scientists who proved right amid hysteria.
Joe: CNN turning him green helped. Bert devastated by negative press, avoids it; saw article claiming "Bert Kreischer ruins Joe Rogan podcast" by MMA journalist. Daughter Georgia's advice: Focus on your experience (had fun with Joe), don't let others dictate your memory. Joe: Most people live lives of quiet desperation, seeking negativity. Bert removed Google News from phone post-Gravy Train Netflix premiere to avoid good/bad reviews. Social media team posts nice articles; Bert advises against. Joe posts own Instagram content; JRE page posts neutral clips. Joe rarely posts, avoids social media as it's bad for you; shares interesting things he'd like to see.
Joe's Social Media Habits
Joe stays off social media, busy with world events, doesn't focus on self. Text chain with Tom Segura shares horrific videos (car crashes, animal attacks) to one-up each other. Staying off feels like recovering from a cold. Advice: Don't read comments or negativity; algorithm fixates on haters despite supporters.
Bert at show, rape topic arises (no phones), woman vocal against it; bouncer intervenes. Audience chants "rape." Online: Fans leave 100 positive comments, one hater calls him bitch; Bert engages.
Whitney joked about Miss Rachel (1.8 billion views on "how to say mom and dad"), educator for neurodivergent kids like Blues Clues. Comedians attacked her viciously out of jealousy for success. Whitney apologized, deleted, but mob unrelenting. Joe: Don't engage mobs, not genuine conversation; they want to destroy. Haters claim her career's over despite never attending her shows. Threads full of negativity for humiliated Twitter users.
California startup enables two-way communication in lucid dreams: Participants asleep separately, sensors track brain waves/polysomnographic data. Server detects lucid dream via apparatus, sends random word via earbuds. First participant repeats word in dream, stored; second receives and confirms upon waking (8 minutes later). Builds on lucid dream interaction research; founder says soon daily life.
Joe used Alpha Brain before bed for lucid dreaming. Bert lucid dreams extensively since learning term via Joe: restarts dreams, stays longer. Techniques exist: books, classes. Bert's: Realizes control, often sex (no condom, bangs chicks, even picks "your wife" then his own), flying (photo shoot on Melrose, flies over Hollywood/hills searching 101). Common: flying, breathing underwater. Bert sold Comedy Central TV show about dreams; wakes laughing/crying. Dream joke: On stage in KKK outfit with others, tap dance for black audience as "Click Clack Clan," they cheer. Voice-texted dreams about Joe, Stan Hope, Ro, Joey Diaz, Shaquille O'Neal; wonders if Shaq dreams of him.
Joe's dreams not about known people, very weird.
Bert recounts a highly realistic dream where he encountered four tall, thin, human-like beings with oversized heads and eyes. They joked with him to ease his fear, communicating telepathically. The encounter felt profoundly real, unlike any other dream, leaving him unable to sleep after waking at 3:30 AM. He went to the gym for two hours, used the sauna, then came to work to discuss it.
Dream Environment
- Corridor oddly lit, organic, alive-like walls.
- Felt from somewhere else, not Earth.
It felt like I was encountering someone or something that was trying to get me comfortable with the idea of encountering them.
Joe suggests it could be a real memory suppressed and resurfacing as a dream.
Being Descriptions
- Slender, no muscle tone, no visible genitals.
- Wore suits like rash guards in strange fabric matching skin color.
- One joked by saying "Jo" and scaring him, then reassuring.
- Possible reptilian element: thin barrier feeding horrific dangers, symbolizing thin protection in the universe.
Bert felt it was an encounter with non-human intelligence, possibly future humans. Happened a few months ago; now a locked memory affecting him like reality.
Discussion on dreams' unknown purpose. Bert, who sleeps easily anywhere, couldn't return to sleep despite trying for an hour. Worked out in silence processing it, consulted UFO friend Jesse Michels who believes it was real.
Bert listens to podcasts while sleeping, including one on Rasputin.
- Rasputin's alleged genitals sold in 2000 for $8,000; some say it's a bull's.
- Image shown: large, limp, dead penis.
Imagine what that thing looked like when it was hard. Big old Russian dick. Big old axe handle.
Rasputin hard to kill: poisoned, shot, thrown in river.
- Self-described holy man from Siberia (1869-1916).
- Gained influence with Tsar Nicholas II and wife Alexandra after 1905.
- Healed hemophiliac son Alexei by stopping aspirin (blood thinner) given by doctors.
- Predicted Alexei's recovery in a letter, demanded doctors leave.
Royal Inbreeding
- European royalty interbred, causing hemophilia, weak chins, long noses.
- Tsarina couldn't admit son's hemophilia to avoid appearing weak, elevating Rasputin's influence.
- Sketchy letters, rumors of affair (e.g., "kiss your cheek gently").
If you inbreed multiple generations and give them ultimate power, they're going to start fucking horses.
Catherine the Great rumored to die fucking a horse.
Bert rewatching with wife and daughters; on season 2. Praises Joffrey actor's transition from shitty kid to evil king.
One of the greatest shows of all time.
Michael Richards wrote a tell-all book omitting his 2006 viral n-word rant at Laugh Factory, first public cancellation via video.
- Night: Bombed at Improv/store, heckled at Laugh Factory, yelled n-word.
- Brett Ernst witnessed; Kramer seemed speedy, elevated.
- Earlier: Fell on glass at Improv, bleeding, off-material stand-up (slipping/falling gimmick post-Seinfeld).
Chevy did violent prattfalls for years: stairs, stages, tables, head-first falls.
- Equivalent to car crashes weekly.
- Possible CTE from repeated trauma (brain sloshing); even chest hits, jet skis, roller coasters cause it.
Chevy Chase has to be in constant pain... almost 100% has CTE.
First major SNL movie star fame level unique.
Videos referenced: Christmas tree fall, wrestling stumbles, ladder falls.
Bob Woodward: Naval intelligence to Washington Post reporter; first assignment Watergate suspicious.
- Break-in by FBI setup to trap Nixon in cover-up.
- Nixon recorded Democrats (FBI wiring); told to cover up during re-election.
- Motive: Nixon knew JFK killers, investigating post-1960 loss/assassination fear.
- Removed popular president (widest margin win); replaced by Gerald Ford (Warren Commission).
- Deep state operation; Woodward tool.
Bill Murray read Wired (Bob Woodward on John Belushi): Put down after pages, called Nixon framing obvious.
- Exaggerated Belushi as drug fiend; Murray (best friend): Lightweight, rare speedball death.
- Influenced idolizers like Chris Farley.
Oh my god, they framed Nixon.
Bert read in college, emulated aspects.
Smart people in media believe they're bringing information, but they're tools of power. Even if they support the US government's agenda of destabilizing the world and impoverishing their population, media's job is to keep power in check, like a seat belt preventing things from going too far. Instead, they're acting as willing handmaidens.
When do you think that switched?
It's been the case for a long time.
Nixon Taken Down by Deep State
Richard Nixon was taken out by the FBI, CIA, and Washington Post reporter Bob Woodward, who was previously a naval intelligence officer in the Nixon White House. Woodward became a brand-new reporter at the Washington Post and got the biggest story. That's not how news works—you don't put a novice from an unrelated field on the lead story. His main source was the number two guy at the FBI (Deep Throat, later revealed as W. Mark Felt). This was a deep state coup: naval intel officer + FBI official destroying the president. If it happened in Guatemala, it would be called a coup, but it was framed as an intrepid reporter fighting power. Actually, Woodward was a tool of secret power to remove the most popular president, Richard Nixon, replaced by Gerald Ford (Warren Commission member, unelected VP chosen because Speaker Carl Albert insisted, after Spiro Agnew was sent away for tax evasion). Ford was the only unelected president and sat on the Warren Commission, which didn't interview Jack Ruby—clearly fake.
Watergate burglars (six or seven): all but one were CIA employees (verifiable fact). Nixon elected by more votes than any president in 1972, most popular by votes, gone two years later due to naval intel officer, FBI #2, and CIA employees.
So why did they want to get rid of Nixon?
Motive unknown but unnecessary—unelected federal employees removed him, most anti-democratic leadership change. Speaker believes in democracy despite its flaws; it's better than alternatives.
Nixon on JFK Assassination
1973 taped conversation: Nixon to CIA head (Richard Helms?): "I know why they killed Jack Kennedy." Nixon studied history, rejected lone gunman theory (Lee Harvey Oswald killed by another "lone gunman" Jack Ruby two days later). CIA director silent. Nixon understood unelected bureaucracy controls the country, a massive threat.
Modern Media Bias
No objective journalists in mainstream media. MSNBC doctored photo of Minneapolis shooting victim: made him better looking, fixed teeth, squared jaw, gave tan, shrunk nose, widened jaw, shrunk chin. Decided he was too ugly to be sympathetic. Go independent: Glenn Greenwald, Michael Shellenberger, Matt Taibbi.
Corporate media pushes approved narrative. Deep Throat was W. Mark Felt, FBI #2, confirming FBI involvement.
Fix: Trust Independent Media
Trust independent media not connected to corporations/advertisers (e.g., pharma dominates TV ads). That's why no coverage of vaccine injuries: strokes, heart attacks, myocarditis (esp. young people), blood clots.
Bert's Vaccine Experiences
Bert got J&J boosters four times for concerts/TV/movies. Doctors ask about vaccination first for blood counts. Got first early as "essential worker" in East LA (masked, no face shown). Then in Serbia for movie, again on return, once more. Mo Amer boosted for Netflix despite prior COVID. Bert got COVID 11 times, spread it while shooting The Machine (refused testing, gave to masked crew member).
Promote: Watch Free Bert on Netflix.
Jordan vs. LeBron, Tom Brady vs. Joe Montana debates: old leagues tougher (concussions, no roughing passer). UFC equivalent: How would Tank Abbott, Dan Severn, Royce Gracie fare today?
- Tank Abbott: Would do well; heavyweight shallow. Huge, powerful knockout artist like Derrick Lewis (most UFC knockouts). Wouldn't beat elites like Ciryl Gane/Tom Aspinall, but beat lower ranks (struggled vs. Maurice Smith).
- Dan Severn/Mark Coleman: Elite wrestlers would take down/beat many.
- Royce Gracie: No gi changes it (relied on gi grips). Superior jiu-jitsu (black belt vs. white belts then). Striking to close distance/get ground (armbar, triangle, strangle). Today, with better training, still problematic on ground in appropriate weight class.
Post-Career Struggles
Wright Thompson book on Jordan: At 50, hard transitioning, still craves competing. Happens with fighters (Shannon Sharpe). Glory highs unmatched (Justin Gaethje post-Paddy Pimblett win).
Joe's Identity Not Tied to Career
Brutal workouts center him, humble/break him down. Knows self in 10th round wanting to quit. Has enough money to retire but enjoys it. Alternate life: professional pool player (could with year practice, but no time/money).
Manages obsessive brain in bursts (comedy special, hunting). Careful not to let it overtake life.
Fame's Pitfalls
Joe advised Bert early: Work less, be less famous (Bert ignored then, now agrees—took Spotify deal hoping for less fame, lost half audience initially). Fame weird: Strangers "love" you, not real people who know you. If real people hate you but world loves, you're fake (e.g., Ellen). Joe questioned everything early.
Bert recalls Joe urging quit TV job on Vietnam motorcycle call: Focus on comedy/podcast.
Sobriety and Living Fully
Bert sober 6 months (blood thinners, no yolk/iron). First time saw disrespect to health (airport 6AM drinking). Now flies sober, orders egg whites.
Trainer/Leanne: Partying ok if workouts/bloodwork/sober periods, vs. sedentary scrollers/gamers/non-livers (disrespectful to own life). Don't rush drinking; live fully (gym, family) vs. online trolls.
By not getting in the gym, not going out, not having dinner with your wife, how is disrespecting your health doing anything to them? No. Just two parallels. Looking at health in hindsight, how many times burned the candle at both ends, didn't think how fragile life is.
Oh yeah. Well, you're very durable. Unfortunately, that's part of the problem—you were able to do that and show no bad health markers. Drinking all the time, blood work done, liver fine. Super nervous at first getting blood work, but then it's fine. Great genetics.
Grandfather died at 53, now I'm 53, start seeing people die. Blood clot scared the shit out of me because people die from it. Not a joke. Thought it was just flying.
Blood Clot Scare and D-Dimer Test
Did they make you do a D-dimer test? No. D-dimer tests body for clots, microclots. Many with ton of boosters have microclots. Canadian doctor first cancelled for saying vaccine causing clots—did D-dimer on patients, vast majority vaccinated had microclots throughout system, caused by vaccine. Business burnt to ground, lost medical license, practice. Crazy story, but he was right. Now mainstream discussion. Even doctors who prescribed boosters don't anymore.
At what point—like people saying get your booster, how come not getting boosters anymore? COVID still around.
Virus Evolution and Vaccine Impact
No one's getting boosters. Higher antibody rate now? Why COVID not as dangerous? Viruses become less potent but more transmissible—better for virus to spread without killing host. Happens over time with antibodies/resistance. Variants less potent: Delta strong, then dropped off, Omicron pretty nothing, stopped naming because hundreds of variants.
Vaccinated during pandemic encourages variants—virologists say never vaccinate during pandemic. Leaky vaccine (doesn't stop transmission/infection, just some antibody protection) lets virus work around antibodies. Original immunity to wild virus; new variants not recognized. Body didn't recognize after vaccination.
Geert Vanden Bossche, virologist/vaccine specialist, early saying this is madness, goes against conventional thinking—do not vaccinate during pandemic.
Personal Illness Stories: Swine Flu Worse Than COVID
Had COVID bunch times, nothing like swine flu 2009. Thought going to die, shallow breathing, never that sick. Flew to Mexico for gig, drank on plane, death's door. Never drink when sick—worst for immune system.
Flew with Leanne, hit like ton of bricks, cold. Back then no vitamins.
Knew people getting over COVID fine, even unhealthy. Why no talk of vitamins/immune impact, well documented? Called conspiracy theorist.
Never forget day brought up vitamin D, went to Rite Aid, gone—like looted. D3 and K2 with magnesium.
Ivermectin for Rosacea and Joe Rogan's COVID Protocol
Rosacea on cheeks, cure ivermectin. Doctor: ever heard of ivermectin? "I'm friends with Joe Rogan." Horse paste, horse dewormer, horse tranquilizer (CNN).
Joe mentioned bunch things: IV vitamins, IV NAD, monoclonal antibodies (made hard to get after). Shipped monoclonal antibodies/IV vitamins via telemedicine nurse nationwide service—at least 100 people (friends of friends, mom's friend, actors super liberal DMing, paid for all, thousands of dollars each). Didn't out them publicly.
Leanne first in house with COVID, joke: gave hand job, didn't get it—intimate hand jobs. Called Joe, got NAD list, over right away, went skiing—then all got it. Georgia gave it, cried "you're high risk." Went skiing first day thinking hungover, tested negative then positive.
Bert's COVID Experiences and Avoidance Strategies
Got COVID staying up late drinking/playing pool till 5 AM with John Showman (makes awesome pool cues, Florida). Exhausted, margaritas, gig arena with Tony Hinchcliffe/Laura Bites. Flew home cold, told wife might have COVID. Fucked her when she had it trying to get it—didn't. Family got it hugging kids, but always cold plunging, sauna, vitamins, working out—took light workouts, never got it bad.
One time got it bad after pool night, got meds, video: got COVID, meds, feel better. Media hated healthy 50s guy saying get over it without experimental medicine.
Pharma Influence on Media
Media compromised by pharma advertising budget—preposterous money spent not to sell drugs but prevent criticism of vaccines/pharma. No big stories on side effects unless company going under.
Don't trust sleep apnea machines—overdiagnose for kickbacks. Real and dangerous, but mouthpieces/tongue positioners + mouth tape (hostage tape over mouth, breathe nose). Feel significantly better, less sleep (5 hours with tape > 8 without).
Science Behind Nose Breathing During Sleep
Nasal passages filter dust/allergens/pollutants, warm/humidify air, reduce dryness. Keeps tongue against palate/jaw forward, open airway, reduces snoring/apnea. Boosts nitric oxide for oxygenation/blood flow, deeper sleep, parasympathetic activation, fewer awakenings.
Big tongue/big neck (like football players) causes apnea. Mouth tape slips with beard—denture cream idea.
Corporate Influence on Media and Podcasts
Corporate money loses objective reality—filtered narrative for profit (e.g., no vaccine = die). Attacked healthy guy quick COVID recovery, not plague, bad flu.
Sent IV vitamins to Bill Burr (2024, weeks sick, high B/D/C/zinc—felt great day later). Dana White COVID: eucalyptus sauna no smell, called Joe—monoclonal antibodies/IV, better day later. Body needs nutrients for immune optimum. Vitamin D hormone (sun best, then D3+K2+magnesium+zinc+quercetin ionophore).
Shamed as horse dewormer to turn terrified people against.
Obsessed with podcasting money/corporate shift. Golden Globes: corporate podcasts nominated. Joe didn't submit (asked, $500 fee)—been #1 six years, don't care contest. Amy Poler won (podcast 6 months), gave to famous person. Dax good too.
Bert discusses podcast awards given within insular circles, like to Amy Poehler, without criticism. He didn't submit his work because he doesn't want to participate in arbitrary group decisions for trophies. After his show premiered, he told Leanne he already won by creating something he's proud of that people respond to positively, even if not promoted on social media.
- Ron White binged every episode with his girlfriend and ranted about how much he loved it; significant because Ron is not a TV artist.
Just do your best. All these awards and all this shit. Awards for art are crazy.
It's insane because it's not. It shouldn't be a competition.
Awards are subjective; e.g., Bert's 15-year-old daughter loves music he doesn't, but it doesn't suck—it's just not for him. Gatekeepers deeming "best" art is flawed.
News Radio Ratings Struggles and Perspective
News Radio was always in the losing ratings category, moved 9 times over 5 years. Writer Lou wore T-shirts with ratings like 88, causing laughter amid frustration.
Cast read Variety and Hollywood Reporter, upset comparing to Sex and the City, The Single Guy (called a "shit sandwich" between Friends and Seinfeld by producer Paul Simms; also "Caroline and the Shitty"). Joe advised gratitude: they're on a sitcom, making money, having fun, unrecognized but enjoyable; it became popular in syndication on A&E.
Joe binged News Radio and loved its ensemble of 5-6 personalities from Larry Sanders Show influence; perfect scenario, ended without fame chase.
Post-News Radio Development and Fear Factor Success
Joe took development deals but realized most sitcoms terrible; paired with inferior writers (e.g., Seinfeld team breakup, got the note-taker). Colleagues in corny sitcoms lived in hell, partying to cope, chasing #1 ratings trap.
Fear Factor was #1 for a while, hugely popular but strange.
Pitching The Chrissers to Netflix
Bert pitched The Chrissers (him, Leanne, George, Isla; jobless comedian family) comped to Slow Horses (Gary Oldman as low-grade spies in sidelined office still crucial to main ops) and Black Bird. Wanted non-episodic arc like a 2.5-hour movie, bingeable from episode 1 end (hook: "I'm watching all fucking six").
Netflix initially confused but loved first episode delivery. Includes Joe Rogan joke in episode 2.
Feedback: People binged it; Ron White, Luke Combs (understated country star, texted after watching entire show), Chris D'Elia ("you're a good actor, great series"), Bradley Cooper.
I think I won. I got everything I wanted.
Not aiming for #1 on Netflix; real win is genuine fan texts over awards.
Superiority of Personal Recommendations Over Awards
Friends' endorsements or social media posts from respected people > Academy Awards. Example: American Movie documentary about Wisconsin filmmaker Mark Borchardt making horror Coven—passion over polish, no awards/money but fascinating.
Vernon, Florida (Errol Morris film, Werner Herzog produced/backed): Intended Nub City on insurance limb-loss scams, threats led to bizarre footage of turkey hunting, odd personalities—can't turn off.
Happy People: A Life in the Taiga (Werner Herzog): Siberia villagers (fishermen, trappers, hunters) living off land, no mental illness, constant physical struggle yields satisfaction/happiness.
Benefits of Self-Sufficiency, Chickens, and Physical Struggle
Happiest family times raising chickens/garden after Leanne/girls met Joe's. Chickens awesome: clean coop (work), get karma-free eggs (pets, lift rocks for bugs/worms, double/orange yolks, healthiest).
Advice to vegetarians: Eggs provide all animal protein/nutrients without killing.
Physical struggle (workouts) mirrors hunter-gatherer rewards; post-workout bliss kills internal chatter/threat anxiety. Lazy online complainers (e.g., fat comics doomscrolling, Whitney Cummings/Miss Rachel) mentally ill; exercise essential for health.
Sober October challenge with Myzone fitness straps: Competing lit obsessive brain (Bert ran 8 miles 9pm-midnight on KFax loop).
Competitiveness and Obsession
Bert shelved competitiveness in comedy (internal with industry ignoring him: created Fully Loaded festival since never on Oddball). Unhealthy athlete past: 2am solo gym sessions (school keys) to train while others sleep.
Compares to Michael Jordan, Kelly Slater, Tiger Woods—gross internal rivalries, e.g., baseball vs. Israel from Tampa Catholic.
Bert recounts hitting a line drive off pitcher Israel's kneecap at age 16 during a game. Israel didn't know him, and they pulled Israel out. Bert stood on first base thinking "that's how it goes." Israel is now 53. This competitiveness carried over, but in standup, he saw others far ahead and chose not to compete directly.
Joe agrees competitiveness has a place but not in art like standup or podcasting. His competition is to be the best he can be. For podcast guests discussing science or esoteric topics, he reads their book, articles, and prepares thoroughly since guests fly in from places like Europe.
Guest Selection Philosophy
Only talk to people I want to talk to. Only reach out to people I'm actually interested in. Only accept invitations from someone that ignites my curiosity.
Avoids famous guests just for fame; passes on many famous people if uninterested or if they heavily pushed vaccines during the pandemic.
Fuck you forever. Who knows how many people you caused to have heart attacks... You bootlicked for the man.
Joe rejects podcasters or guests who pushed vaccines, especially post-COVID, believing they tricked people into harm like strokes, particularly those already infected.
Competitive in pool, but it's against yourself—no one interferes. Likes solo workouts to battle inner laziness. Example: 22 degrees outside, broke ice off cold plunge lid to get in, telling inner voice "Fuck you."
Bert has Netflix special coming out, touring 1 month straight on bus, booked 18 months out until 2027 special. Tests new material nightly to see if real audiences laugh, beyond fans who know his references.
Pre-internet, TV slots bred cutthroat competition. Internet showed comedians as assets: podcasts, hangouts improve everyone. Group kills (e.g., Tom, Ari) excite and inspire. Ari's Juice special inspired themed writing.
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Competition
Healthy: Inspirational, pushes harder. Unhealthy: Twitter failures/mediocres hating successes like Nikki Glaser (roasts, road sellouts). They're crabs in a bucket, attacking instead of self-analyzing and working harder.
You absorb the atmosphere of the people you surround yourself with... You can't live in a world of cowards and mentally ill people.
Hang with top comics (NY, LA, Austin) to improve—no top comics isolated in places like Birmingham. Live shows > specials (specials ~60% experience). Clubs like Mothership with Gillis, Ron White uplift.
Advice: Whatever pursuit (e.g., pickleball), surround with dedicated people, push each other, share techniques/recovery tips.
Bert inspired by Joe's Caitlyn Jenner gargoyle stool bit, Burr's unexpected immigrant kid act-out ("reason you're in bushes"). Surrounding with sharks makes you one.
New material night: Joe points out Bert's Helen Keller/Anne Frank mix-up as a bit.
Conspiracies: Stevie Wonder not blind (videos shaking hands off-side, FaceTimes Snoop; Shaq elevator story—Stevie greets "What up, Diesel?" presses button, knows floor; sat during standing concert).
Stevie Wonder does FaceTime... Snoop says Stevie FaceTimes him.
Ray Charles truly blind. Blind guy story: Brought on stage in pre-phone era to feel/rate audience women by face (e.g., "four"), crowd loved it.
Helen Keller fraud: Responded to sound/light stimuli; writing mirrored handler's errors. Flew plane (silent film playing herself), started university. Medical archives lack proof of exams; post-handler companion also interpreted.
Perplexity: Blind/deaf from meningitis at 19 months. Debate: Maybe partial sight/hearing explains books, communication—no modern blind/deaf equivalents. Bert nearly fought blind guy at Austin airport (mistook arm grab for abuse).
Stevie Wonder reportedly had corrective treatment to help see a little bit, addressing perception issues. He also has detached retinas. Born prematurely, he had damaged vision shortly after birth due to retinopathy of prematurity. He has addressed rumors about being able to see, calling it a blessing that allows him to see people's spirits, not their appearance.
Instagram post claims Helen Keller was a fraud; doctors prove she could see and hear. Medical board archives from 1902-1924 allegedly contain examination reports suggesting she retained partial vision and hearing. Physicians noted she reacted to sounds when Anne Sullivan was not present, tracked movement with her eyes, and flinched at loud noises. One sealed report concludes her responses pointed to coordinated deception rather than true disability. Sullivan refused independent testing.
The theory argues the situation became highly profitable: Sullivan discovered Keller at age seven, promoted a miraculous teaching breakthrough, and toured the country charging the modern equivalent of thousands per appearance. Keller's autobiography changed tone when Sullivan became ill, suggesting Sullivan authored both voices. Financial records show Sullivan controlled all income, keeping Keller financially dependent. Linguistic analysis claims Keller's writings mirrored Sullivan's private letters, matching vocabulary, sentence structure, and spelling mistakes. When Keller wrote without Sullivan, work appeared elementary, concluding eloquent public words came from Sullivan.
Disability organizations allegedly suppressed evidence questioning her condition to protect lucrative charities and an inspiration-based industry relying on her symbolic story.
Comparison to Lance Armstrong: He won Tour de France races while everyone cheated with doping; to find someone who didn't test positive, go back to 18th place. They took away all his jerseys, but he still has them on the wall, saying they can't take them and everyone knows he won.
Unlike protected figures, Armstrong was thrown under the bus after suing whistleblowers who were offered deals to blow the whistle on him.
Joke: Better story if Helen Keller was like Lance, with a tennis partner claiming she played tennis, and her threatening to sue while talking eloquently.
Around the time Elephant Man was big, people grabbed onto sideshow attractions and paraded them around the country. Sullivan as handler controlled all finances and had access to money, making sense for fraud.
Bert mixed up Anne Frank and Anne Sullivan.
No verifiable links to the claims; Google searches lack sources. Bert supports the theory, saying it doesn't make sense she'd write so eloquently.
Kevin Hart and Dr. Dre clip: Dre recounts Jay-Z story about album with Marsha Ambrosius, using Stevie Wonder's music that needed clearing. Stevie called Jay-Z super early (6:00-7:00 AM), because blind people can't see the time on the clock.
Joke about changing lyrics because Stevie doesn't know 3:00 AM from 5:00 PM. No difference to Stevie; blind people have hard time sleeping due to constant darkness messing up circadian rhythm. They feel sunlight warmth on face, which feels good, though level of blindness varies—some see light.
Idea for blind glasses simulating levels of blindness, like legally blind or Helen Keller's level. Put them on: "Oh, I can see."
No way to find out truth, but fun to believe fraud conspiracies like Watergate. Bert must get rid of Helen Keller book.
Reference to episode with Bill Murray, who hated the book after five pages.
Bert's show free streaming on Netflix now; check it out, tell a friend. Weighed 275 lbs in it; now down 35-45 lbs. Hasn't drank in 17 days. Joe at five months and 18 days sober; at six months, Bert plans a drink per second opinion.
Plans to see each other soon. Bert spending time with Tom's kids. Tom busy: owns vodka company with Bert, opened restaurant, had 5K event. Joe avoids LA; last there 7 months ago for UFC. LA like bad ex-relationship now a mess.
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