I dress up as Ms. Rachel every morning
In a Nutshell
A dad's 1.5-year-old refuses every kids' show, so he buys a $299 Miss Rachel costume and performs the show live each morning to keep her engaged. Live performances hold her attention for an hour, but attempts to transition her to actual screen content fail immediately. The current solution is daily in-person performances while the older sibling watches iPad content instead.
These notes were generated by AI and may contain inaccuracies.
A one-and-a-half-year-old daughter refuses to watch TV, creating a problem for parents who work from home. The parents tried Blippy, a show featuring a grown man in suspenders dedicated to entertaining toddlers. The daughter danced briefly during the intro out of politeness, then walked away to play with blocks and water on the other side of the room.
The parents escalated to Miss Rachel, which had worked like a tranquilizer dart on their four-year-old, producing hours of stillness. The father told the daughter he had a surprise, and she began clapping because she loves surprises. When Miss Rachel appeared saying "Hi, hello. Can you say mama?" the daughter looked at the TV, looked at her father, and walked away again, rejecting Miss Rachel.
The father consulted ChatGPT, providing context that the one-and-a-half-year-old is vaccinated, sleeps plenty, loves playing with her sister, but refuses to watch TV. He asked for specific recommendations. ChatGPT initially suggested this may be healthy and normal, but after the father accused it of being trained to say that and demanded actual suggestions, it recommended Coco Melon.
Coco Melon is described as crack for kids. The show conducts focus groups, notes timestamps when children look away, and re-engineers segments until no child can look away. The father told his wife they would try it, placed the daughter on the couch, and started an episode with three billion views. The father became entranced by the colors and watched for five to ten minutes before realizing the daughter had left to stack jars in the kitchen.
The father told the daughter she needed to watch, but she shook her head and said "No." He broke down emotionally, comparing her unfavorably to cousins who sit motionless on iPads for hours. He placed her between the cousins and asked why she couldn't be more like them. That night he called the pediatrician directly, crying. The doctor asked if they should go to the ER. The father explained they had tried Blippy and Miss Rachel with no success. The doctor suggested an optometrist, but the father insisted her eyes work because she detects ice cream from across the house like sonar. The doctor hung up after hearing they tried Coco Melon.
The father felt completely alone as a parent and worried how the daughter would fit into the world. He tried confiscating the blocks, but she cried. That night after the kids went to bed, he put on Miss Rachel and sang along quietly in the dark.
The idea struck to become Miss Rachel himself because the daughter likes when he makes goofy faces and dances in front of her. The plan was to perform Miss Rachel live to teach her what content is, then slowly wean her onto the screen. He ordered the pink shirt and overalls for $299 expedited shipping.
The next morning at 8:00 a.m. while his wife was on a meeting upstairs, he put the daughter on the couch and told her to wait. He changed into the costume and emerged saying "Hi, hello. Can you say dada?" She laughed hysterically. He performed icky sticky sticky bubble gum and hop little bunny hop hop hop. She laughed more than ever before. After thirty minutes he was sweating and took a break, but she demanded "More, more." He performed another half hour with her maintaining focus the entire time.
Phase two involved turning on YouTube on the big screen with Miss Rachel's most watched episode. He stood next to the TV, pointed at the real Miss Rachel, and told the daughter it was the same thing. He changed out of the costume and returned grinning, but she had left the TV to play with blocks and towers. He broke down crying, took her in his arms, and reassured her they would figure it out.
The daughter still refuses to watch TV. The father feels pain at restaurants seeing other families' kids sitting quietly on iPads while parents eat warm food with two hands. For now, sitting with her and acting out Miss Rachel for half an hour to an hour in the morning works. He ordered an Olivia costume that the daughter loves, but the four-year-old is starting to like it too. When the older daughter asked him to put on the costume and do Blippy, he told her it was for her sister who needs help right now and that the best thing she could do is be a role model. He handed her his iPad and told her to make it as loud as she could.
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