“Men are punished for a patriarchy they can’t remember”
In a Nutshell
Men face widespread denial of their struggles—falling behind in education, jobs, and rising in "deaths of despair"—while top performers dominate fields like sports, music, and comedy, leaving average men slipping into addiction and isolation. Young men feel punished for a fading "patriarchy" they never knew, born without inherent value unlike women, amid technological upheavals like AI displacing jobs and eroding traditional male roles. Sympathy is needed: offline spaces, positive role models (e.g., Gareth Southgate, David Attenborough), and rejection of casual male disparagement to help boys navigate a rapidly changing world.
These notes were generated by AI and may contain inaccuracies.
Hunger for this content is a reaction to a felt lack of sympathy and denial of male pain. If there was more acceptance that guys are having a tough time through pretty much any objective metric, no group has fallen further faster than men. That's Richard Reeves line from the American Institute of Boys and Men. If there were places to go offline, fewer guys would turn to the internet, creating an opening in the market. If there are no role models, people propose their own.
Who are good examples of genuine positive role models for boys to emulate? In the UK, Gareth Southgate, former England manager, embodies dignity, sense of fair play, in a pursuit many boys (and girls) aspire to excel in. David Attenborough: adventurer, world-renowned colossus of naturalism, sensitive human being.
In scenarios of male failure like deaths of despair (suicides, drug overdoses), realms exist where men dominate: English Premier League football, rap, grime, drill—preeminent, world-famous, highest-paid, highest-achieving exponents are men. Homosexuality is still questionable and taboo (few openly gay footballers or rap artists). Most successful comedians are still men. Realms exist where traditionally masculine-presenting men are ascendant.
Difference is between guys who rise to the top and the average man. Average man increasingly slipping from university, high-paying jobs, more likely addicted to drugs, video games, porn, weed. Men dominate extremes at both ends.
Denial of slipping back: "If I am struggling as a man, look at your privilege, all these CEOs, football players." But "Yeah, but I'm struggling, and many friends are too," with no sympathetic place to land. Not a fan of casual disparagement of men like "typical man," "check your privilege." As a father of boys, never want boys inheriting original sin by being boys—"your bequest is that men ran society for hundreds of years," but he's 5 or 7 years old. Nursery rhyme: little girls made of sugar and spice and all things nice, little boys of pigs and puppy dogs' tails—unfair denigration of maleness.
Apocalyptic view: technologies have upended much and promise more. Traced to decline of traditional manufacturing, birth control, women entering workforce, globalization, jobs moving to China. Now most jobs can be done equally well or better by women. AI will eliminate jobs involving sitting in front of a screen, causing ruction in how men and women interrelate.
When percentage of workforce displaced by AI, people without meaning or path forward. Requires sympathy: world changed really fast, hard to navigate. Men were part of previously beneficial group with privileges in certain domains (not including going to war and dying), opportunities not afforded to women. Young men feel punished for sins of fathers and grandfathers, accused of being part of a patriarchy they no longer feel part of. "Where is my privilege?"
Line from the guys: as a man, you're born without value. Feels like love, belonging, acceptance, pedestalization given to women and girls, not to boys unless they make themselves big and impressive. With sympathy: previously linear progression to place in society, but cost of living, turbulent times, stimuli cause addiction. If born without value, requires sympathy.
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