Pregnancy Q and A: Tips and Tricks
In a Nutshell
A woman with autoimmune history and multiple pregnancies shares that an all-meat diet controls weight, nausea, mood, and arthritis symptoms better than varied foods, though meat aversion forces temporary additions like chicken and arugula. She stresses that pregnancy and the first six postpartum months are a temporary season requiring external help—live-in nannies, night nurses, and a supportive partner—to avoid maternal resentment and sleep deprivation. Partners should remove stressors, act as gatekeepers for visitors, and treat the relationship as unchanged by the short-term physical and emotional shifts.
These notes were generated by AI and may contain inaccuracies.
Overcoming fear of pregnancy involves trying to brainwash yourself into not being scared. It is really hard and super weird. Just because your wife is a woman does not mean being pregnant feels natural. There is a shift that happens for women that men do not realize. When you have a baby, it is crazy. MRIs show that your brain changes. Your entire world becomes surrounded by keeping this baby alive and your relationship with this baby.
Common questions during pregnancy include: How will you manage being a mom with work? How do you maintain your weight? The speaker feels like a hippo. Did you plan two pregnancies this close together? The speaker notes she did not plan this and mentions her poor body. Cravings outside of normal diet include cucumbers, which have been the craving for every pregnancy.
How did you know you were ready? The speaker states she was not ready for this baby at all. She has no idea how she got pregnant that quickly. They were not trying and were not being careful, but she did not think it was possible. She spent a week crying and felt she was not mentally okay for this pregnancy. She had fears from a previous pregnancy Q&A where she expressed being scared about being pregnant because with Scarlet she had periods of suicidality, which was confounded by antidepressant withdrawal.
This is a 37-week pregnant belly. The speaker is sitting on a ball and may bounce because her back is murdering her, specifically her sacroiliac joint, but also her midback and ribs. Everything is expanding. This is the biggest she has been with a pregnancy and she is feeling it.
The speaker's approach for all her children starts with meat after breast milk. Feeding a baby meat involves some gagging, which happens with any food. She did meat with Scarlet for the first 3 years. For kids with autoimmune disorders, only meat can be done and foods introduced really slowly. Breast milk comes first, then meat until two and a half or three by itself. Beef is primary, then eventually some fish and some chicken, but primarily fatty beef.
Research shows kids that start with meat have a larger head circumference in a good way. Meat as a first food is recommended. In the 90s, iron fortified cereal was given because cereal does not have iron in it. Do not do cereal; do meat.
Amylase levels, an enzyme that helps break down starches, do not reach peak adult levels until about 2 and a half. Do not rush into giving kids starches until that age because they are not ready.
The speaker would not be this strict except for her history with autoimmunity and her family's history with autoimmunity. There may be genetic sensitivity to mold causing autoimmune problems, but she does not want that for her kids. Once at the two and a half to three year period, she starts foods one by one and monitors for things like suddenly having tantrums, going from being a calm kid to suddenly having tantrums.
She also monitors for stomach aches, rashes like eczema, and mood. Scarlet, now almost nine, eats what the speaker considers a paleo diet: no processed foods, no cane sugar. She can eat dairy but does not eat much. She does not really like eggs but can eat them. She has no allergies except for environmental allergies, which may stem from mold exposure before they knew about the mold problem and their mold sensitivity. She eats a healthy, varied diet with a lot of meat, probably 80% meat, plus fruits and vegetables.
The only times Scarlet had tantrums was when she went to school and somebody gave her chocolate at school when she was about five. She came home running around the couch in circles and had a meltdown. The same thing happened the next year when a kid at school gave her something.
George is two and a half now and is still just eating meat. They have tried little bits of things like some sweet potatoes, some carrots, a little bit of cooked arugula, and egg. He really likes beef and will have some chicken sometimes. When carrots and sweet potatoes were introduced at age two, he started having tantrums when waking up from naps. Cutting them out made the tantrums go away. The speaker notes it is not a sugar, just carrots and sweet potatoes, but it was too early for him. She will probably try again when he is closer to three.
The speaker is currently sleeping with a pillow behind her back, a pillow under her stomach, and a pillow between her knees. She wakes up every two hours to pee. She slept on an angle for 3 months because she could not breathe through her nose. She slept at an angle basically sitting up for four months with Audrey because of pregnancy rhinitis.
They have beds next to each other, not because she is not head over heels in love with her husband, but because she has such a hard time sleeping that if he were to move and wake her up, she might murder him. She needs to get all the sleep she can because she is not sleeping anyway.
The speaker was not ready for this baby at all. She has no idea how she got pregnant that quickly. They were not trying. She felt her body could not handle this. She spent a week crying and felt she was not mentally okay. She had the same fears with this pregnancy. This pregnancy was actually easier than expected, partly because it is a boy. Boy pregnancies have been so much easier than girl pregnancies.
Having two little kids is really hard, but having one kid is better than not having a kid. If you can only do one, then do one. The speaker always wanted a sibling for Scarlet and felt kind of bad. It is nice to see George and Audrey together. George is two and a half and Audrey just turned one in May. She is taking a large break after this and this is most likely her last, unless she changes her mind.
Carnivore diet does help with first trimester nausea, but it is tricky because there has been a meat aversion with the last three pregnancies. It was brutal with George and brutal this time. In first trimester, other foods were introduced because she was gagging and could not eat. She was going to undereat otherwise.
With George, she stuck with the diet and was pretty skinny at the end. She gained 30 lbs but it was all in her belly. Her rings were a bit loose at the end of the pregnancy. This time she introduced chicken, arugula, some coconut mango ice cream, and avocados to get enough calories in. Second trimester she was back to just meat with no meat aversion, totally fine, and much more stable emotionally.
At about 31 weeks, the meat aversion came back full swing. She started eating chicken arugula again, which dampened down the steak aversion so she could have steak in the morning and the afternoon, and then other foods at night when the meat aversion was worse. Recently the meat aversion is gone and she is back on just meat and feels a lot better.
With Scarlet, when on a more varied keto diet, nausea was super dependent on what she ate. She ended up throwing up a few times. Each time she ate something that did not agree with her, she would throw up. If suffering from severe vomiting, it is worth trying to cut down and see if it is what you are eating. For the last two pregnancies, there has been no vomiting. Diet plays a huge role. First trimester nausea is pretty normal and hard to avoid. Getting rid of everything fragranced in the home helps.
Work is needed to stay sane. With Scarlet, she was a stay-at-home mom for 11 months. She started working when Scarlet was about 6 months old but Scarlet was on her lap and she was working on a laptop at home. She needed that work escape.
Keeping a house maintained, doing all the extracurriculars that kids eventually do, taking care of kids, taking care of a newborn, taking care of toddlers, it is a full-time job. It is way harder than a full-time job. It is constant work and overstimulating.
When you have the baby, you are going to want to be with the baby. Even if you are not that maternal of a person when they are really little. The speaker would not say she is the most maternal person. She always knew she wanted to have kids but also wanted to do a bunch of other things. Staying home and having kids would not have been enough and she would have ended up getting resentful. She does not want to be resentful because that is not good for her kids.
The way the speaker manages work and motherhood is by having a lot of help. Women who work a lot have help almost always and it is generally more than just doing daycare and going to work. Hiring help has enabled her to have more children.
She has something called a Roda nanny. There are two women on rotation and they come stay for a week at a time. They stay with them and there is a guest suite. They are here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If there is a business meeting or a trip for a day or two, she can just go. The nannies are like family. It is expensive.
For Scarlet, she had someone who came 9 to 5, 5 days a week, and could barely afford that. It is nice to make a relationship with somebody so you feel comfortable leaving your kid with someone who is basically like family.
People used to have family helping them: grandparents, aunts and uncles, a community. We do not have that anymore. You need to make that yourself. It is not a waste of money because it is your kids and your mental well-being. You need a little community.
The speaker is not near Jordan's family. Her family is swamped with dad's health issues. She needed people that were reliable, that she really liked, that were here and like family.
She fully believes you can be successful at both. It is beneficial for children to not have a resentful mother and to see their mom going out and doing things. You are going to miss things. You have to be okay with that. Maybe you only want to hire somebody for 3 or 4 hours a day.
She is at home most of the time, kind of like stay-at-home momming. If there is an emergency or a kid gets sick, she can just pop over to the other side of the house. She is able to work full-time because she has people here.
She recommends getting help at night so you can sleep. Ask for money for a night nurse, even just once a week or twice a week during the first postpartum time, the first 3 months, but the first 6 weeks in particular. With Scarlet at 6 weeks, she was holding her in the kitchen rocking back and forth near hallucinating out of sleep deprivation. She was so isolated and it was so hard.
She made a concerted effort that if she was going to have more kids, she would set this up so it is not stressful. The primary goal of making more money was to have a lot of kids, have help, and make this a fun experience and not traumatizing. Do not have mom guilt for having some help. Everybody used to have help with big families and we do not have that anymore.
Pregnancy impacts sex life pretty badly. A pregnant woman is not the same woman you married. They are not the same person. Pregnancy season and postpartum season are seasons of life. In the greater scheme of things over your life, it is not very long. Do not treat the pregnancy season or postpartum season as representative of the relationship or life. It is a season to get through together and give each other as much grace and compassion as possible.
It goes by in a flash when you look back on it. When you are in it, it seems like it is forever, especially if it is your first and you are scared, but it really goes by quite quickly. Jordan is very stable and good at being like, okay, this is the year we do this.
The ideal relationship is not her when she is pregnant. They have not gone out on a date in at least four months or five because she is so grumpy and her back hurts. She is slouching because her back hurts and is on a bouncy ball because she cannot sit on a chair.
She does not really want to be touched. You are getting touched by a baby all the time. It is very overstimulating. Even kids coming in with hugs makes her feel touched out. Having kids close together means she is already overstimulated.
It definitely negatively impacts but not long term. Take the whole thing with a lot of grace because the last thing on your wife's mind when she is pregnant is how fun this is going to be for you as a man. That can breed resentment where the man gets resentful about not getting this and this, which is totally fair. The relationship entirely changes. The woman gets hurt because she is being guilted and pushed on and is sore and is not sleeping and is nauseous and kind of disgusting feeling. You just kind of got to grin and bear it and remember that this is not your relationship. This is pregnancy.
The speaker also feels like a hippo.
Weight is maintained purely through diet without any additional interventions. Eating only meat prevents gaining extra fat during pregnancy, though meat aversion is common among pregnant women and makes this approach difficult. This diet is not recommended as ideal during pregnancy because other foods should be included and some weight gain supports breastfeeding. The approach stems primarily from necessity for managing arthritis and maintaining psychological stability rather than being suggested as a general recommendation. Weight control during pregnancy is achievable by avoiding excessive food intake, though hunger and specific food cravings make this challenging. Genetics are not the determining factor—diet is what matters, despite the difficulty of managing intake when constantly hungry or fixated on certain foods.
Recently, introducing chicken and arugula alongside steak triggered arthritis symptoms again after an initial period of tolerance during the first trimester. A gallbladder attack occurred after attempting food reintroduction, prompting a return to meat-only eating. In the third trimester, arthritis symptoms returned approximately four weeks after adding arugula and chicken. The speaker returned to eating only meat once the mutation resolved.
Gaining too much weight risks gestational diabetes, so monitoring intake and eating healthy foods is important. A paleo diet is recommended as the safest approach during pregnancy by avoiding processed foods while focusing on healthy options. Cravings persist regardless of whether the craved food is consumed, making them an unavoidable aspect of pregnancy that must be endured.
Hypnobirthing books and audiobooks are recommended for managing pregnancy-related fears, even if they initially seem cheesy or overly spiritual. Positive affirmations help reframe mindset through repetition, aiming to mentally condition oneself against fear. Hypnobirthing also covers statistics on home births, which proved helpful for preparing for Scarlet's birth. Reading positive birth stories and experiences is advised while avoiding negative content entirely. Fear-mongering around pregnancy and birth is pervasive and particularly difficult to manage during a first pregnancy.
A story illustrates this challenge: during the final trimester before Scarlet's home birth, someone shared a negative story about a home birth resulting in infant death, which was distressing after extensive preparation focused on positive framing and trust in the body's natural processes. The speaker emphasizes avoiding negative influences and continuing positive mental conditioning. The pregnancy phase itself is described as difficult, while the newborn phase brings unmatched joy and emotional connection that makes the entire experience worthwhile despite the challenges.
A home birth is planned again, though only recommended for those comfortable with the concept. The best birth location is wherever the mother feels safest. Previous panic attacks and PTSD related to hospitals due to extensive medical history made hospital birth untenable for Scarlet's delivery. Statistics were reviewed showing home births are safe for low-risk pregnancies when appropriate screening occurs and a qualified midwife is present. Three home births have been completed successfully.
With Scarlet, labor progressed so rapidly that only one midwife arrived instead of the standard two in Toronto. The midwife instructed getting out of the bathtub for cervical checks during active pushing, which the speaker declined. This positioning on the back contributed to tearing. The current midwife is described positively, and births have been as straightforward as possible given their intensity and speed.
Scarlet was born at 40 weeks, George at 36 weeks and one day (the cutoff for home birth eligibility in Arizona), and Audrey at 38 weeks and two days. Hospital births remain acceptable if preferred, and a written birth plan can specify preferences such as dimmed lights and directing communication to the husband rather than the mother. Husbands should be prepared to act as advocates. Items like eye masks and earplugs help minimize hospital stimuli. Maintaining calm during labor supports oxytocin production and efficient contractions, while stress elevates cortisol and suppresses oxytocin, potentially prolonging labor and increasing pain or interventions like Pitocin and epidurals.
Cucumbers were a consistent craving across pregnancies but lost appeal after one tasted grassy and caused facial itching during this pregnancy. Limited food options during periods of meat aversion led to rapid boredom with chicken wings and arugula. Eating these foods required constant consumption without satisfaction, unlike meat which allows longer intervals between meals and provides better mood stability. The speaker reports feeling significantly better after returning to meat-only eating.
This pregnancy is confirmed as a boy, resulting in two boys and two girls total. The pregnancy has been more manageable than anticipated given external stressors, though daily crying occurred until the final month, primarily attributed to the father's illness combined with hormonal changes rather than worsening psychiatric symptoms.
Four children are viewed as the maximum manageable number, though future pregnancies remain possible in six to nine years. The husband initially wanted five children but has adjusted expectations after experiencing multiple pregnancies. No immediate plans exist for additional children.
Parenting multiple young children while experiencing severe pregnancy symptoms creates guilt, particularly when needing rest, experiencing back pain, and feeling overstimulated. Professional help makes managing this possible. The speaker notes that having three children close together inherently involves difficulty.
Normally no supplements are taken due to the meat-only diet. After mold exposure and CIRS diagnosis during George's pregnancy, folinic acid was introduced to address low folate levels associated with risks like cleft lip and spina bifida. Vitamin levels are tested periodically throughout pregnancy, with deficiencies treated as needed—primarily folate in this case, potentially due to restricted diet and repeated pregnancies. Thiamine (B1) was also taken. Methylfolate causes severe reactions including neurological symptoms, insomnia, overstimulation, and crawling sensations, making it intolerable. Folic acid is avoided entirely. Testing and individualized supplementation are recommended during pregnancy.
Partners should focus on reducing stress for the pregnant woman, recognizing pregnancy as a temporary season lasting approximately nine months plus the postpartum period. The first three months postpartum are particularly intense, with the first six months representing significant adjustment. Hormonal fluctuations, mood changes, and physical discomfort are real and not chosen. Partners should identify and remove stressors, keep the mother fed, and communicate openly. Brain changes occur in both parents, but women's neurological shifts center around infant bonding and survival.
During the postpartum period, partners should act as gatekeepers by managing visitors and protecting the mother's recovery and bonding time. The husband is described as taking on a protector role during this sensitive phase, which supports the relationship overall.
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