Should Fathers Get Paternity Leave? - Richard Reeves
In a Nutshell
Richard Reeves argues fathers deserve paternity leave because dads provide unique, valuable support to newborns and mothers—unlike Scott Galloway's view that men are useless at births, or Derek Thompson's gender equity framing—as evidenced by owl monkeys' exemplary fathering and Reeves' own experiences. He critiques both extremes: reject shaming dads for skipping the birthing room (evidence mixed on its benefits) and instead celebrate fatherhood for kids' sake. Practical tips include prepping tools like a Phillips screwdriver, good scissors, and swimming trunks to avoid mishaps.
These notes were generated by AI and may contain inaccuracies.
Scott Galloway and Derek Thompson debated paternity leave on Scott's podcast. Derek returned from paternity leave—first hour back after a couple of months—and Scott asked how he was doing. Scott said he doesn't understand paternity leave, men shouldn't be at births, it's disgusting, men should be outside smoking cigarettes like the old days, then go back to work. Derek argued men need time off to be with kids, otherwise women are the only ones taking time off, leading to gender inequality in the workplace.
Derek was incredibly coherent despite just returning. Speaker finds both wrong: Scott wrong that dads are of no use in early months—they provide different but valuable support to moms. Dads often main allo-parent, around and getting stuff done.
Owl monkeys are the best dads in the natural world. Dads around all the time; moms breastfeed/nurture, dads do everything else—get food, organize, stay around kids.
Speaker's experience matches: can't do what moms do, don't feel the same about baby (not wired to at that point), but still useful.
Don't frame paternity leave as men taking time off so women aren't the only ones, to close gender pay gap or for gender equity. Dads should take time off because dads are awesome, kids are awesome, kids do well with dads around.
Not as deputy/malfunctioning mom, or 'if only you could be a mom'. Dads amazing in their own way, different from moms on average. Pro-dad argument, not gender equality one.
Rejects old view (cigar/whiskey, back to work) and Derek's ('good gender egalitarian must take time off, even if you hate it and suck at it'). Instead: dads are cool, being a dad amazing.
Evidence mixed on dads in birthing room (unprecedented trial last 30-40 years). Darby Saxby ('Dad Brain') responded, notes surveys show moms have mixed feelings afterward. If birth doesn't go well, traumatizing for dad.
No shaming for being there or not. Moms should feel okay preferring mom/friend/someone else at birth. Neither obliged.
Shared with wife: she said probably wished he hadn't been there (25 years later). Speaker thought his words of encouragement helped, but wife said more harm than good.
First birth: hot day, ordered fan. Wife went into labor while he assembled it (no Phillips screwdriver ready). Shouting from other room: "Do you know where a Phillips screwdriver?" Wife: "I don't need a Phillips screwdriver to have a baby." He: "No, but I need one to make the fan." Failed DIY, wife yelled forget the fan, she's having the baby. On step seven with Phillips screwdriver.
Second birth: birthing pool at home (progressive midwifery class). Supports less overmedicalized, more natural birthing.
Midwife warned: water gets murky, wear swimming trunks or risk grabbing dad's testicle mistaking for baby's head crowning. Every guy in room freaked out.
Speaker wanted to rub wife's back, went to find swimming trunks, shouting "Where are my swimmers?" Wife/midwife: get in, she's having the baby. He insisted per Lamaze class. Didn't get in without.
Cord cutting: tiny gristly scissors (not massive shears), took ages, hacking, near crying. Eldest son has weird belly button, blames speaker.
Key items: Phillips screwdriver (pre-make fan), really good pair of scissors (hospital ones crap), swimming trunks.
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