Tool for Reducing Negative Self-Talk | Dr. Andy Galpin & Dr. Lenny Wiersma
In a Nutshell
The core message is to treat self-talk as a coaching tool judged only by effectiveness, not positivity, and to create psychological distance by switching from first-person ("I") language to second-person ("you") or nicknames, or by channeling what a trusted advisor would say. This distance reduces emotional reactivity and improves performance outcomes. Key practices include identifying 2–3 trusted voices, running the "what would I tell my friend" exercise, and using second-person or nickname self-talk during stress.
These notes were generated by AI and may contain inaccuracies.
Self-talk should not be categorized as positive versus negative. The critical distinction is whether the self-talk is effective or ineffective for the individual. Negative self-talk can be effective, and positive self-talk can be ineffective. Effectiveness is the only metric that matters.
Identify two or three people in your life who you admire and trust, and who have your back. These individuals can say anything to you because you know their intent is for you to succeed. Two of the three should be people you know personally. One may be someone you admire from afar due to their accomplishments and the respect you hold for their work.
Consider a challenging scenario that you might experience, but imagine one of your close friends is in that situation instead. They are struggling, stressed, anxious, or worried. Reflect on exactly what you would say to them in that moment. This exercise reveals the quality of guidance you naturally offer others when you are not emotionally entangled in the situation.
Psychological distancing is a core mechanism that makes self-talk more effective. When emotionally immersed in a situation, creating distance from the immediate emotional experience allows for clearer, more constructive internal dialogue. This distance typically produces more effective self-talk.
- First-person self-talk: Uses "I" and keeps the speaker fully immersed in the emotion.
- Second-person self-talk: Uses "you" or your own name, shifting perspective.
- Third-person self-talk: References another person entirely, creating maximum distance.
Moving from first-person to second-person or third-person self-talk reduces emotional reactivity and increases effectiveness. Self-talk should function as self-coaching.
When facing stress, imagine what one of the trusted individuals identified earlier would say to you. Hear their voice and imagine them using your name. This approach delivers two advantages: the perspective comes from outside your immediate emotion, and it carries the authority and trust you place in that person.
Examples include imagining guidance from Alex Honnold while on a climb, a big-wave surfer while on a surfboard, or an experienced pitcher after walking batters. The voice of a trusted figure provides both distance and credibility.
What a person thinks in the moment is a stronger predictor of confidence than any external factor. The same holds for happiness: internal thoughts in the moment outweigh factors such as money or relationship status.
Regularly examine the self-talk that occurs in performance environments. Assess each statement not by whether it is positive or negative, but by whether it helps or hurts performance and why. After this reflection, apply distancing tools such as second-person language, nicknames, or imagined guidance from trusted individuals.
If you have a personal nickname, use it when addressing yourself internally. Dr. Lenny Wiersma uses "Lendog," a name others have independently given him throughout his life. Referring to himself as Lendog during stress creates focus and shifts his mindset.
Second-person self-talk creates detachment. The situation becomes less about personal worth and more about objective assessment of what needs to happen. First-person self-talk tends to be reactive and emotionally charged, while second-person language supports clearer evaluation.
Thoughts that arise passively are often reactive and emotional, making them less effective regardless of whether they appear positive or negative. Introducing psychological distance through self-talk reduces the emotional charge. When advising others, people rarely intend to worsen the other person's state; the same supportive intent should be applied to oneself.
In an entrepreneurship class at Berkeley (Cal), students were asked to list challenging scenarios they face during a semester. They then identified a good friend who would also encounter those scenarios. Students wrote the exact response they would give if that friend texted them expressing negative emotion. The exercise demonstrates that people already know effective responses when they are not the person experiencing the emotion.
Ethan Kross's book Chatter provides detailed exercises and insight on refining self-talk. Dr. Lenny Wiersma keeps the book in his limited personal collection because of its practical value for athletes.
The Inner Game of Tennis by Timothy Gallwey (1977) was the first sports psychology book Dr. Lenny Wiersma read. He maintains both the original edition and an updated version in his collection.
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