Kendall Jenner: "This Trick Stopped My Negative Self-Talk" (You Can Do It Too)
In a Nutshell
Kendall Jenner stopped her negative self-talk by placing a childhood photo on her bathroom mirror, using it to interrupt self-criticism by reminding herself she's speaking to that inner child. She set boundaries around overworking at age 23, prioritizing happiness over external validation, and now practices self-affirmation and steps away when overwhelmed rather than reacting. Her core message is that everyone experiences similar internal struggles regardless of fame or success, and the path to peace comes from focusing on self-perception over others' opinions while building genuine relationships.
These notes were generated by AI and may contain inaccuracies.
Kendall Jenner manifested this conversation after seeing Jay at Sime and Hayes's house a couple of months prior. A few weeks later, she told her social media manager she would love to talk to Jay. Jay reached out directly, which felt like perfect timing and trusting the universe rather than forcing anything.
Jay had been wanting to sit down with Kendall for a long time, having seen her speak openly and vulnerably about mental health in Vogue and other segments. Jay avoids asking friends of friends without meeting someone directly, so she gathered courage to reach out personally rather than through a PR connection.
Kendall admires Michael Pollan, Michael Singer, and Wim Hof, placing Jay in that category of people with significant curiosity, determination, and patience. She views these qualities as a gift and is working on developing more patience and determination in her own life. Jay feels the same way about Kendall, particularly appreciating her courage to talk about mental health and use her platform to open dialogues.
Kendall loves working on herself and finds comfort and joy in identifying areas for improvement, whether physical health, workouts, or trying new practices like cold plunges and ice baths. She recently purchased a cold plunge at home and did one right before the interview.
Kendall is conscious of not wanting to create a pity party when sharing about mental health. Her goal is to connect with people and share practical tips like running, walking outside, taking deep breaths, and journaling. She wants to be helpful and share techniques that create positive learning experiences rather than negative feelings.
Jay sees Kendall's approach as positive reminders and helpful insights rather than a pity party. The conversation flowed naturally despite Kendall feeling nervous coming into the interview.
Kendall's first job was walking dogs in her community. She put up flyers and ended up getting clients who would let her take their dogs for walks. As a disciplined child who would put herself to bed at 7 PM, she was eager to work and have something to do. She loved animals and enjoyed being by herself with them.
Kendall was always more introverted compared to her sister Kylie, who was the social butterfly. She enjoyed being by herself, playing video games like Sims, and spending time with horses during the summer. This preference for solitude brought her joy as a child. During the pandemic, she rediscovered enjoying her own company after living a very social life and career.
She had the best day recently riding horses, taking her niece to ride a pony, doing a cold plunge, swimming in her pool, laying out, and journaling—all by herself.
Despite loving her career and feeling fortunate for her life experiences, Kendall craves simple routines and being by herself or with her small core group of friends. She values the simplicity at home alongside passion in work.
Kendall is proud of deciding at 14 to become a model, telling her mom she wanted to pursue it, and executing that goal with determination until age 24. She stepped back from overworking after realizing she was saying yes to everything out of gratitude, which left her unhappy. At 23, she set boundaries to prioritize her happiness and well-being while continuing modeling.
Kendall reached a point where she knew continuing without boundaries would mean losing herself. Despite people around her, including some who worked for her, advising against saying no, she trusted her intuition. She realized she would be okay if jobs came or didn't come, trusting that everything would work out. This decision has allowed her to show up better for herself and others.
With newfound time after setting boundaries, Kendall bought a horse around age 23-24 that she now jumps. This was something she had loved her whole life and wanted to get back into. She focused on doing things that made her happy rather than immediately jumping into specific practices like meditation or therapy.
Kendall holds a core belief that it's important to be happy regardless of external circumstances. She and her therapist discuss her "higher goddess" or "higher self"—a state where no one can take away her happiness. She strives to live from this place where external validation or criticism doesn't affect her sense of self.
Kendall practices words of affirmation, looking in the mirror and telling herself positive qualities like being great, gorgeous, amazing, loyal, and positive. She acknowledges that false narratives exist about her and others, but she focuses on knowing who she truly is. Her friends, family, dog, and horse know her authentic self, making external noise less significant.
Jay shared wisdom from Charles Horton Cooley from 1890: "I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am." This describes living in a perception of a perception of ourselves, where validation from others becomes necessary for self-worth.
Kendall emphasizes that while it's impossible to know what everyone else thinks, focusing on self-perception and the opinions of people who truly know you is empowering. This approach shifts attention from external validation to internal confidence and genuine relationships.
Key relationship habits include maintaining honest, healthy, and communicative connections with family and friends. Kendall stresses the importance of not feeling overwhelmed by constant togetherness, suggesting it's acceptable to step away briefly during family dinners or gatherings to take breaths and reset.
Kendall describes herself as prone to anxiety and easily overwhelmed, often taking things too seriously. Her coping strategy involves stepping away, validating her feelings, taking deep breaths, and choosing not to react before returning to the situation. This simple technique requires no formal meditation practice.
Kendall reflects on losing Virgil Abloh, noting the shock of discovering he had been privately suffering. She describes the immediate heartbreak and the common regret of wondering whether enough love and appreciation had been expressed. The shared grief among those who knew him created a sense of collective humanity.
The host shares losing his spiritual teacher of many years to stage four brain cancer during lockdown, preventing attendance at the funeral, and losing his best friend, also a monk, to cancer the same year. Both individuals were central to his life and spiritual journey.
Kendall notes that Virgil was unaware to many regarding his health struggles, making his death particularly shocking. The widespread grief created both a beautiful sense of connection among those affected and an overwhelming sense of devastation.
The host recalls his spiritual teacher continuing to express gratitude and appreciation for others' service even while battling brain cancer and memory loss. Kendall describes Virgil's consistent positivity, appreciation, and willingness to help anyone, noting he maintained this generous spirit even after his diagnosis.
Kendall finds comfort in believing that those who passed would want others to embody their beautiful qualities. The host emphasizes that grief can be processed by focusing on the positive impact and humanity of those lost, creating confidence to live similarly.
Kendall reflects that everyone ultimately wants to be remembered positively. She believes Virgil fulfilled his purpose and finds beauty in this despite the sadness. The host mentions studying figures like Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, and Einstein, noting how Virgil's life offers similar lessons.
Kendall describes her purpose evolving from modeling success to tuning into her "higher goddess" and connecting with others. She feels a responsibility to share positivity, spread love, and help others feel valued, using her platform to make people smile and experience positive emotions.
Kendall acknowledges avoiding social media due to its negativity and emphasizes the need for small moments of joy. The host mentions posting daily positive content specifically to bring smiles and demonstrate goodness in the world.
Both discuss how humans gravitate toward negative news and content, noting that positive developments receive less attention. They agree this is a learned pattern that requires conscious retraining of the brain.
Kendall explains that negative self-perception leads to noticing flaws in others and then extends to social media consumption. The host emphasizes that improving one's relationship with oneself naturally improves how one views humanity.
Kendall shares a TikTok trend her therapist adapted: placing a childhood photo on the bathroom mirror to interrupt negative self-talk. When she sees herself being critical, she looks at the young photo and reminds herself she's speaking about that child, fostering self-compassion and interrupting harmful internal dialogue.
Kendall came to the interview wanting to share aspects of herself that feel vulnerable, hoping viewers might find comfort, joy, or understanding. She expressed nervousness beforehand but felt the conversation touched on important points.
The conversation concludes with recognition that despite differences in fame, wealth, or background, everyone experiences guilt, pressure, and challenges. Kendall identifies as an empath who feels deeply for others and emphasizes the need for greater kindness.
Curiosity: Kendall is currently reading Michael Singer's "The Surrender Experiment" and is curious about deepening her meditation practice, inspired by his story of sitting under a tree during a trip.
Personal Work: She's focusing on setting boundaries, reducing overthinking, and learning to let go of control over things she cannot influence.
Favorite Part of Founding 818: Being her own boss, having creative freedom, and learning about tequila culture and business.
Something No Longer Valued: Validation from others—she used to care deeply but now prioritizes internal acceptance.
One Law for the World: A mandatory half-day or full day each Sunday without phone use, creating intentional disconnection from technology.
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