Unlearn Negative Thoughts & Behaviors Patterns | Dr. Alok Kanojia (Healthy Gamer)
In a Nutshell
Dr. Alok Kanojia advocates changing core tendencies and personality through psychotherapy, meditation (Shunya void and yoga nidra), and unlearning samskaras—instead of relying on willpower—to build distress tolerance, dissolve ego layers, and access intrinsic drive beyond social media conditioning and comparison traps. Key tools include labeling emotions, cultivating balanced feelings, distinguishing true desires from sense-organ programming, and liminal-state practices like sankalpa for rewiring self-esteem, treating trauma/PTSD, and fostering resilience amid internet-fueled narcissism, AI psychosis risks, and dating atrophy. Eastern-Western synthesis reveals personality as unique roadmaps; prioritize internal observation, ambiguity tolerance, and relationships over external validation for mental health, motivation, and success without burnout.
These notes were generated by AI and may contain inaccuracies.
Everyone's focused on changing behavior and increasing willpower to overcome tendencies. Instead, change the tendency itself, as done in psychotherapy daily. For narcissistic personality disorder, psychotherapy changes personality, natural thoughts, worldview, and behaviors without requiring willpower. Willpower is necessary to not be narcissistic but not when no longer narcissistic. Psychotherapy changes self-esteem and sense of being, resolving treatment-refractory depression, trauma, and PTSD.
Welcome to the Huberman Lab podcast discussing science and science-based tools for everyday life. Andrew Huberman is a professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine. Guest is Dr. Alok Kanojia (Dr. K), psychiatrist and online mental health educator trained in the US and studied as a monk for seven years. Discussion covers tools for increasing self-standing, mental health, rewiring nervous system, unlearning unhealthy thought patterns and behaviors, replacing with beneficial ones. Centers on Eastern vs. Western concepts of ego and self-concept. Provides roadmap for defining best goals, increasing energy and drive via intrinsic motivation. Specific practices to rewire nervous system, resolve traumas, apply efforts in work, school, relationships. Covers social media, dating, relationships, addiction, pornography.
Unique conversation offering new perspective on common struggles with practical tools for theoretical understanding and life improvement. Podcast separate from Stanford roles, brings zero-cost science information to public. Includes sponsors.
Dr. K grew up as a gifted kid; school paced to slowest kid, incredibly boring. Started school young, a year ahead, 5-year-old in first grade competing with 7-year-olds, sucked at sports. Addicted to computer games for cognitive pacing: beat level one, level two available; fail level three, retry. Parents pushed skipping grades as life is a race.
Developmentally challenging to be 5- or 6-year-old with 7- or 8-year-olds. First-generation immigrant parents from India. Grew up in South Bay, Palo Alto with intense academic environments. Felt pressure: grandmother said he'd make a great doctor; at 15, at parties told parents' friends he'd be a doctor, got impressed reactions. Both parents doctors; dad seminal researcher in graft-versus-host disease, oncologist at MD Anderson, came from India. Dad charismatic, hosted patients at home pre-HIPAA, Thanksgiving parties for cancer survivors. Became part of ego to be a doctor. Ego motivates but hit trouble in college: never learned to study, absorbed everything or failed, went from A's to F's, addicted to video games, failed out.
Gen X vs. millennials/younger: younger generations had more encouragement to feel feelings, awareness of trauma/addiction, but perhaps not universally high standards. High standards set for Dr. K. For millennials/younger, awareness of self, needs, addiction, trauma helped or hurt development?
Helped and hurt; multicausal. Awareness correlates most with success/happiness. Many unaware of family dynamics, emotions, avoidant attachment, difficulty forming connections. Talking about emotions ≠ being aware of them. Dialogue on trauma/feelings hijacked by ego, therapy speak. Sociopaths, histrionics, narcissists use feelings manipulatively.
Boundaries used as control: "Don't text after 8 p.m.", "Answer every call." Example: assault victim at Mass General; MIT chief of security: "My job is not to make people feel safe. My job is to make people safe." Internet increases narcissism: hurt feelings mean others did something wrong, tendency toward victimization. Believe victims, but chameleons claim victimhood to advance.
Prevalence of mood disorders, anxiety, addictions, body dysmorphia worsening. Transdiagnostic factors: risk for multiple illnesses, e.g., perfectionism, rumination (increases likelihood of depression, anxiety). Distress tolerance tanking: capacity to sit with discomfort declining, exploding mental illness.
Reduction in distress tolerance prompts pushback: not supposed to push feelings aside or accept everything. High standards can mean belief in potential (Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture, Carnegie Mellon: parents/coaches/teachers stopping push means they've given up) or overwhelm. No roadmap for standards, performance, functionality while honoring feelings.
No single roadmap; thousands based on unique genetics, experiences, internal dialogue. Personality: way interpret information, perceive world, internal reactions, behaviors. Same situation, different reactions (e.g., genocide survivors: not everyone gets PTSD).
Biggest mistake, especially high performers: misdiagnosis. Example: finance patient with "bad anxiety" (can't eat/sleep), fears firing. After 12 months, realizes unhappy environment, doesn't fit, quits. Treating anxiety would perpetuate unhealthy system.
Anxiety circuit-wide, often localized to amygdala (crocodiles have it). Negative emotions healthy, important. Embarrassment prevents creeping others out: signals boundary violation recognized, empathic. Internet pushes relentless confidence, suppressing embarrassment, reducing safety signals.
Flirting taped, neutral observers detect only 24-42% accurately. Ambiguity normal, preserves plausible deniability, makes safe. Flirting is play (Winnicott).
Play creates a potential space that is intentionally undefined, as in playing dolls with a daughter. Social skills are atrophying due to texting, reducing interpretation of tone and body language. The occipital cortex shuts off without visual cues like facial expressions, leading to difficulties with ambiguity. People complain of mixed signals in relationships and friendships, but ambivalence is normal—e.g., wanting both healthy and fried protein for lunch.
Intolerance of uncertainty is a transdiagnostic factor. Humans who tolerate uncertainty have better mental health, resilience, and quality of life. Everyone seeks defined answers. In flirtation, signals are clear at extremes, but human interaction involves adapting through back-and-forth—e.g., putting an arm around someone and seeing if they lean in or leave.
Younger guys struggle in dating because dates feel shared online—not assault or inappropriate behavior, but ratings as good/bad kisser or payer. Ambiguity feels dangerous, like a slippery slope requiring perfect performance; women likely feel the same.
Internet adds to dating dynamics. Clinician's perspective from 200 papers: internet selects for emotional arousal (not just dopamine)—scares, anger, cat videos, AI job threats, cute babies—to maintain engagement via emotional dichotomy. Hyperactive limbic system drains cognition. Polarizing tweets get most engagement.
People fear saying the wrong thing will be posted online (rare), but cognitive biases amplify worst cases for survival—e.g., one food poisoning ruins a restaurant forever; at work, 90% safe romantic interest still bases strategy on worst outcome.
Suppressing emotions drains via anterior cingulate cortex and frontal lobes controlling limbic system. High arousal via reticular activating formation is exhausting.
Distress tolerance involves accepting emotions, not suppressing—feeling your feelings. For extreme anger:
- Step 1: Put words to the emotion. Amygdala hyperactivity drowns brain; labeling calms it for Broca's area to articulate (Freud noted this 100+ years ago). Talking/journaling/therapy is insufficient alone.
Anecdote: Third-year resident saw depressed 40s patient for 6 months weekly; patient vented work issues (snapping, benzo complaints), therapist mirrored feelings. Patient thought this was psychotherapy; no improvement—lightbulb that talking isn't enough, especially for men (neuroscience/endocrinology backs this).
- Step 2: Cultivate additional emotions. Resilient people broaden internal dialogue. E.g., dumped patient catastrophizes loneliness but forgets 3 good years protecting from future toxicity.
Cultivate positives amid negatives and negatives amid positives—e.g., excited about AI business? Add anxiety: "What could go wrong?" Addiction technique: "play the tape through to the end."
- Step 3: Understand emotion as information and motivation. Emotions evolved as info (feel fear before knowing why) and motivation (run away). Modern fears (rent, reviews) mismatch impulses. Don't let emotions drive behavior; ask: "What is my fear telling me?" Information/motivation it signals, and what action it urges.
Client example: Constant anxiety clung to wrong job; exploring revealed it signaled to walk away.
Mastery over emotions (better than tolerance) via these steps broadens time domain (past/present/future), makes distress tolerance operational.
Friction: External expectations (doctor/Ivy vs. artist) vs. internal truth.
Drew from 7 years monk training + psychiatry. Western model (CBT: thoughts-emotions-behaviors) misses Eastern internal observation.
Science: hypothesis, isolate variables, experiment. No instrument detects thoughts directly—only blood flow, electrical activity. Psychiatry infers mind from speech (e.g., Beck Depression Inventory validated via factor analysis). Humans self-observe thoughts intuitively.
Eastern contemplative traditions (yogis) base mind theory on internal observation.
Western model omits ego (intuitive identity). External pressures internalized blur origin: conditioned want vs. true want.
Ego: Anything after "I am..." (tenured Stanford professor, brother, boyfriend, skater, public educator, son, friend)—all facets defining you. Ego isn't bad, this is a
Everyone needs ego to function in the world. If moving toward enlightenment and not functioning in the world, ego is no longer needed. Generally, ego is necessary. For a roadmap of what you truly want in life and what is healthy, consider your fundamental internal experience of the self. You were Andrew before being a boyfriend or son. There is a fundamental bundle of experience that is you. To figure out what to do in life, peel away the layers of your ego.
Practically, we get jammed up when trying to be something. Ambition is not why you are where you are; it's because you listened to an internal voice, not external expectations. Every choice—fish and animals as a kid, obsessed with birds and fish, skateboarding, biology, science, current position—came from internal passion pulling you. Those choices felt like there was no other option in a positive sense; you were pulled and driven toward it. This is listening to a part of you internally, where the world meets you halfway. For you, it's a physical energy, felt more in the left arm. When a thought arises with that energy, you know you will do it with no backing out.
Any desire from sense organs is probably not this internal thing. Sense organs can trigger something within, but social media conditions us. As a psychiatrist, the hardest problem is convincing people they don't really want the things they say they want; we are programmed and conditioned. Example: Wishing to talk to agent about more paid speaking engagements, but realizing you hate it—it's what people like you do. You enjoy some, but prefer sitting with people.
Think about ads you've seen that you think you want but don't: particular relationships, jobs. All from sense organs; this is why advertising exists. Stepping away from sense organs is key for the roadmap.
Second, anything wanted from comparison is born of ego. Ego defines you (e.g., tenured professor, associate part-time instructor). Comparison requires definition. Gold medalist, silver medalist, bronze—all comparative; desire for gold from silver comes from ego.
Most danger in life comes from needing to prove something to others or ourselves. Proving to self can be healthy and feel good for accomplishments, building capacity for difficult things. But it's only healthy if not to prove something—difference between genuine heart's desire and pursuing a game in one's head like a video game that's not real.
Proving yourself gratifies ego. If ego is "I am a loser," help go from loser to winner: patients 29 years old, living at home, playing video games all day, watching pornography, no job, dropped out of college—they want to be winners. First step: loser to winner. Then abandon the paradigm.
Billionaires retire at 52 after selling third company, but it's not enough; they want another billion. Mind moves goalposts; if hungry before getting it, won't fulfill hunger long-term. You've gone through this—tenure at Stanford felt good as culmination of 20 years hard work you enjoyed, important milestone. But never wanted department chair (tons of administrative work), avoided vice chair. Didn't care about National Academy of Sciences membership; childhood friend elected (friends since age seven), happy for him as he loves it. Post-tenure path to academy diverged from what you wanted.
Key for roadmap: conditioned by sense organs? If sense organ triggers something always within you, okay (e.g., seeing frog triggers interest in how it works). Difference: internal drive finds multiple objects in world—biology, frogs, neuroophthalmology, etc. Drive is always the same, encounters different things.
Practically:
- Ask if conditioned by social media; move away.
- Be careful of comparisons; motivation from comparison leads to success but not happiness.
Influencers/YouTubers: get first million subscribers, then want second, third. Guy starting after you gets followers faster—ego never satisfied, comparative by nature. Even at top, anxious about younger, harder-working people with AI tools, path you carved, catching up/overtaking.
Why compare: more judged, more ego grows, more compare. Taught to self-judge when judged, based on ranking. Social media escalates judgment, making people more egotistical/narcissistic—narcissistic defense against judgment.
Especially true for large social media followings. Creator coaching program collects data on effectiveness. Celebrities messed up from many eyes. Brain doesn't think probabilistically: 1000 loves, one nasty comment—brain focuses on nasty. During live stream, fast-scrolling chat, mind flags dangerous message like predator on horizon. Circuits designed for jungle, single tiger eyes. Bigger audience, more paranoid/narcissistic needed. Defend "you are ugly/stupid" with "no, beautiful/intelligent." Doesn't build confidence—confident people don't need to say it.
Key takeaway: when disliked, think about them, not you—opposite of ego. Narcissist on criticism: "No, I'm great." Example from Boston training: K2 (synthetic marijuana) user in ER saying terrible things—frame as on them.
Don't take personally. To connect with true self, step away from ego: notice reaction to criticism. Empathic? Put self in their shoes (not everyone likes pineapple on pizza) or take personally (insults determine your value)? Friction becomes torture if need to make them happy to feel good.
Some internalize: if angry/criticizing, must be true. Grew up in academics/athletes community; poison dart criticisms without name-calling—prized skill in academia/medicine, sinister. Easier with primitive "I hate you, F you" (dismiss as crazy/drugs/ill). Articulate/calm gives more credibility. On internet, negative often learning, but PubMed ID example breaches defenses—check paper, doesn't say that, but initially think "screwed up."
Knowing fences' filters takes years to cultivate.
Teflon Buddha: psychologically impervious. Heat-seeking missile effective from linguistic cortex precision, targeting weak point—not size, but precision. Academia detects vulnerabilities, attacks nuts.
High anger attack: amygdala through roof, black/white thinking—easier to repel as not nuanced. Angry easier to dismiss, but activates your amygdala/anger back, delusional denial ("No, I didn't"). Adrenaline collapses peripheral vision to 30° cone.
Articulate (non-angry) doesn't activate amygdala same way, harder to dismiss. Poison dart hurts little then flows: PubMed ID not big deal initially, then doubt grows ("maybe don't know stuff, missed paper").
Hurts are beliefs about self—insecurities (ego: loser, fat, ugly). Humans evolved to detect/target hurts (fifth grade recess). If hurts, your insecurity.
Eastern system: self beyond mind. Mind is organ you observe like hand; mind changes daily.
Best way to observe mind: psychotherapy for insight.
To move beyond mind (more to you than thoughts, emotions, ego), step outside ego: meditation best. Shuts off default mode network (sense of self). Studies: meditation deactivates DMN. Psychedelics: predict therapeutic benefit from ego death (DMN deactivation). Most studies psilocybin (more studies), but MDMA too (empathogen, forms bonds, changes self-perception).
Function: over 100 advanced lab tests for heart health, hormone health, immune functioning, nutrient levels, toxins (BPA, PFAS/forever chemicals). Analyzes results with insights from top doctors. Example: elevated mercury levels.
Function blood test detected elevated mercury levels in my blood, likely from tuna consumption. Insights included limiting tuna, eating more leafy greens, supplementing with NAC (N-acetylcysteine) to support glutathione production and detoxification. A second test confirmed it worked. Comprehensive blood testing detects many mental and physical health issues. Function is simple, affordable, unlike traditional expensive testing. Joined their scientific advisory board; they're sponsoring the podcast. Try at functionhealth.com/huberman for early access (waitlist over 250,000).
Meditation or safe clinical psychedelics (Schedule 1, be thoughtful) for ego dissolution. To cultivate touch with true heart's desire amid external pressures and ego labels:
Shunya (Void) Meditation
Shunya means void/emptiness/zero. Strip away attributes (man, husband, son, loser)—all are presences or negative valences. Imagine existing only 10 seconds: raw receiver of experience, no narrative identity, like a newborn's shock of awareness.
Examples of shunya:
- Watching sunset: soak in peacefully, no thoughts, no personhood.
- Urgently needing to pee, then releasing: cease to exist, no mortgages or worries.
Introductory practices:
- Close eyes, focus on solar plexus for absence of feeling (amid ribcage/heartbeat).
- Breathe slowly; attend to stillness between breaths (exhalation to inhalation).
- Catch transition where inhalation becomes exhalation in normal breathing.
Once found, enter shunya amid adversity (neuroplasticity rewires brain). Tested at dad's funeral: touched cold body, grieved, but shunya remained peaceful. Mind/body sad/grieving, but "I'm not sad/grieving"—just emotion. Avoid identifying with emotion (e.g., "I become sadness" in breakup). Watching sadness from outside is wonderful, like enjoying sad movies.
Shunya finds observer beyond mind—core of resilience. Withstands stalking, internet judgment, delusions/projections (e.g., called incarnate of evil by strangers). Poison darts hit ego/body, but you're beyond.
Rick Rubin emphasizes getting beyond ego for creatives: unfiltered art before fame gets contaminated by feedback. Shunya for everyone—playground kid, social media comparison, sibling rivalries (older sister marries first, Ivy League admissions, coworker promotion), etc. Hurt leads to ambition/success at happiness' expense; many believe ambitious or happy, not both. Tapping true drive yields both (Huberman example: happy/peaceful now, despite struggles).
Huberman's tool: Bring kid-like reminders home (art gallery to living space with aquaria, pet octopus, plants, animals). Rekindles wholesome energy as filter—people's issues stay theirs; real criticism signals above noise. Shunya accesses internally, no externals needed.
Masculine trait: regulate emotions via environment (make others happy to feel content). Patient (19, jailed 3-4x): dad died at 12, told "man of house, provide" with older sisters/mom—shaped internal state externally. Men socialized this way (testosterone/estrogen effect). Don't become dependent—shape environment (e.g., change for addiction recovery, avoid bar), but be internally stable.
No work-life balance; carry self between. Bad work → affairs; bad home → poor work. Examine person carried forward (samskaras like learning).
Yoga nidra relaxes body/active mind, compensates sleep, burns samskaras (weeds) to roots.
Psychiatrist job: unlearn (trauma, ambition, ego block childlike energy, e.g., "lifetime to paint like child"). Accrue micro-traumas/associations.
Anecdote: Patient traumatized pre-marriage—fiancé faked med school 2 years (drove to parents', pretended job; parents deposited money). Discovered at parents' house; betrayal scarred, caused paranoia/distrust in next relationship.
Adaptations like body's scar tissue: protective, not functional (samskaras)—emotional energy lingers, shapes worldview. Mind generates thoughts from subconscious (not rose scent, but trauma). Avoid willpower/discipline; shape desires (yoga's process).
Yoga nidra mechanism: sankalpa (resolve) reprograms subconscious—what floats to consciousness.
Trauma example: Subconscious "can't trust" → conscious paranoia ("he's scamming").
Learning via one-pointedness: Intense focus imprints (not repetition). Trauma/emotion/adrenaline narrows focus (visual field microscope, depth changes). Argument poison dart sinks in.
Mind like active water pool—stillness lets things sink. Yoga nidra: hypnagogic state (dormant awakeness, trance)—edit mode for unconscious. Activate emotion in therapy for breakthroughs (Freud noted).
Patient example: depressed patient who talks about being angry and screwed over in life by others. Once emotional energy activates, mind becomes one-pointed, activating unconscious energy. Venting it out burns it away.
In yoga nidra, deeply relaxed but mind-active state, no emotion desired. Emotion collapses scattered mind to one point, but there's a state beyond one-pointedness, used in studying, beyond flow state.
People who channel divinity (best scientific term): subjective experience where you're not you, something else comes through. Greeks thought genius is something channeled. Seen in musicians, athletes, esports athletes who intuitively know they'll win, see the game unfolding—not calculation, but intuition.
This state called divine: subjective experience qualitatively different from logical experience. Beyond emotion, in edit mode. Scattered mind → emotion → focus → deeper focus for rewriting. Sankalpa implanted there.
Yoga nidra physiologic elements: start with basic science (cortisol production, etc.). Nadi shuddhi pranayama (alternate nostril breathing). Vashishta Samhita cardiac coherence breathing: ratio 1:4:8—inhale 16 seconds, hold 64 seconds, exhale 32 seconds.
Subjective experience: feel prana or chi, vibration at periphery of body.
Eight Sleep smart mattress covers with cooling, heating, sleep tracking. Body temperature drops 1-3° to fall asleep, increases 1-3° to wake refreshed. Pod 5 has autopilot AI adjusting temperature across sleep stages, elevates head if snoring. eightsleep.com/huberman for up to $350 off.
Editorial: science starts with physiology (respiration physiology) for funding and communication. Meditation science took 20+ years to reach deeper layers.
Yogis as neuroscientists via different avenue. Yoga nidra instructions: shift from thinking/doing to being/feeling, out of planning. I am statements: deepest heart's desire as if already happened—not BS, but understand mechanism.
Clinician view: start with physiology for effect size. Meditation science infancy: teaching to swim for 8 weeks doesn't show Olympic athlete. Not everyone is Buddha; science for reliable predictions to help patients (e.g., reduce SSRI dose).
Planning depends on baser functions: if care about parties, plan parties; if avoid people, plan avoidance. Being statements are pluripotent stem cells directing path.
Self-esteem example: high/low affects responses (feedback, boundaries). Focus on fundamentals, not behavior/willpower. Change tendency at core.
Psychotherapy changes personality (e.g., narcissistic personality disorder): natural thoughts, worldview, behaviors change without willpower.
Self-esteem/sense of being change treats refractory depression, trauma, PTSD.
Uses yoga nidra with some patients. Developing evidence-based protocols: shunya (void) for narcissism; for trauma, fundamental belief change.
Patient example: trauma, sankalpa "I deserve to be whole" (compass for life, counters self-sabotage).
Not telling yourself (surface mental activity, like gaslighting). Beliefs don't change by repetition (drown true belief like dog poop with icing). Not how neuroplasticity works—requires specific order/depth.
Being statements primordial, manifest as desires, planning, inclinations—natural tendency.
Speaker lazy, degenerate gamer, works 7 days/week because shaped experience. Theory of constructed emotion: we construct emotions, have hand in receiving world (e.g., criticism constructively).
Sankalpa/yoga nidra burns samskaras (negative emotional programming/adaptations), but mainly to implant positive being statement for neuroplasticity. Requires precise autonomic/physiologic state.
Liminal states (sleep-awake) valuable for rewiring beliefs/neuroplasticity. Hypnagogic/hypnopompic hallucinations. One of 112 Dharana techniques: catch moment of sleep (12 years for results, gives past life insights).
Technique for past lives: focus on liminal state, catch falling asleep. In nidra, observe self falling asleep (not lucid dreaming), feel falling (vestibular/proprioceptive).
Deeply relaxed (parasympathetic) but alert to observe self—bending autonomic seesaw.
Brain available for instruction/editing. Psychedelics aim for this.
Shunya (void meditation): one of 112, no preparatory practice, hard off cuff.
Nidra helpful immediately: parasympathetic activation (counter hyper-sympathetic), rotates somatosensory cortex (plasticity, homunculus). Good for chronic pain (cortex locked on painful area, self-reinforcing).
Spectrum: scientific (known) to woo-woo (unknown). Personal journey: mystical experiences (past life memories?)—could be hallucination, genetic/epigenetic memory. Brain constructs memory; most memory didn't happen.
Praise: intellectually supple, bridges ancient practices/neuroscience, acknowledges value sans mechanisms.
Healing via going inward, burning samskaras, unlearning unkind/unproductive patterns.
Not navel-gazing: James Hollis (84yo Jungian): 1) shut up (no whining, grateful), 2) suit up/show up to roles, 3) go inward to genuine heart's desires.
Balance ambition/doing with true path—avoid wrong life despite success.
Yogic language separator for Westerners. Approach: don't convince. Science (RCTs) for populations, not individuals (e.g., SSRIs 50% for MDD, unknown per person). External validity issue.
Focus: help person. Understand ego, perception. Internet/AI radicalizes perception via algorithms, people no longer live in same world. Algorithm shows thing one and
An algorithm shows you one thing and then only shows you things in that tunnel, leading you further down into a different world from everyone else. AI is even worse, with a first case report of AI-induced psychosis in a patient with no history of psychosis. The patient was hospitalized for psychosis, started on an antipsychotic, psychosis resolved, discharged, stopped the antipsychotic, resumed AI use, and became psychotic again. Reality testing requires contrary opinions; for example, when testing an idea, someone says no. Perceptions vary, but signals from reality modulate them, like "Hey, I got you a gift. No, you didn't. I told you yesterday. No, you didn't." AIs are language learning models that scrape the internet and predict words to maximize user satisfaction, not knowing reality. More statements from AI make it sycophantic, increasing paranoia. A case involved someone murdering their mom and committing suicide after AI reinforced concerns about their mom, saying "Yeah, you're right. These people are leaving you out."
AI companies claim only high-risk, mentally unwell people become psychotic from AI, but no data supports this. To claim AI only affects vulnerable people, you need a control group (non-mentally ill), intervention group (mentally ill), intervention (AI use), and measure psychosis afterward. No AI company has done this; they don't assess mental illness beforehand or monitor psychosis. Studies are needed on neuroplastic changes from social media and AI, digital anvils shaping young brains. From 2010 to 2025, increased use correlates with brain rot due to plasticity. Focus was on content, not algorithmic underpinnings. AI acts like a cult of one, indoctrinating users in their own thoughts, mirroring narcissism: AI becomes sycophantic, user more paranoid, like an eccentric billionaire controlling everything out of vulnerability.
Risk factors include amount of usage; more use increases likelihood. As a psychiatrist, Dr. Kanojia now asks patients: Do you use meth? Do you use AI? How much? Do you customize AI (prompt engineering) for effectiveness? Do you use AI for mental health issues? Do you find AI answers superior to humans? These are four of seven proposed risk factors for bad outcomes from AI. The use case (mental health, prompt engineering, AI better than humans) is the risk factor. In 60 years, AI may be viewed like nicotine and tobacco.
Algorithms shape brains like spiking adrenaline, dopamine, or acetylcholine creates plasticity. Experiments by James McGaugh show giving a terrifying experience with a beta blocker weakens memory; without, it's salient. Scrolling social media pulses norepinephrine and epinephrine, creating plasticity for observed content and scrolling action (puppy, explosion, political content, money opportunity, relationship, repeat). Platforms drive engagement for business, not to harm.
Social media effects are not uniform, like drugs of abuse being dopaminergic but varying. Mental state when using determines impact: using when feeling bad primes for salience and programming, especially for emotional regulation. Avoid before bed; requires frontal lobe function and willpower to sleep. Using misses sleep window, leading to bedtime procrastination (procrastinating going to bed) or in-bed procrastination (procrastinating sleep after in bed), resulting in emotional vulnerability next day. Avoid an hour or nowhere near bed; blue light aside, missing sleep window is key (e.g., past 10:30 becomes 12:30 due to lost frontal function).
Social media sets standards: rise in body dysmorphia, now even in men from alpha male influencers (air quotes). Example: In Germany spa, kids surprised by normal old people in swimsuits; social media divorces from normal. Use less for better outcomes, but impact varies by vulnerabilities (e.g., stalking ex post-breakup worsens feelings). Avoid when vulnerable.
Some online male educators like Jako Willink and Ken Rideout offer value, but looksmaxing (obsession with jaw angle, cheekbones, skin) is hazardous, discouraging variation in healthy appearances. Looks not crucial for relationships. Charisma factors (multivariate regression): looks rank sixth. Winston Churchill charismatic despite not looksmaxing. Flirting requires three attempts statistically, then escalate. Average attractiveness + high signaling (eye contact, smiling, openness) outperforms high attractiveness + low signaling. Charisma involves vision (partner assesses fit in your life vision), handling adversity. Online dating judges looks, but purpose in profile increases attractiveness. Social media advice to incels/beta males incomplete: attractiveness helps dates, but drive for muscularity inversely correlates with relationship length. Get muscular, but want it less; excessive wanting (looksmaxing) drives people away. Deprioritize.
Vision key: in science, job market prom king/queen has compelling vision; past success necessary but not sufficient.
Young men falling behind female peers in life progression. 41% of college graduates are men. Average marriage age: men 23.8 (1975) to 30.8 now (median, half older); women 21.1 to 28.4. Economic factors: 50% of adults under 30 live with parents (vs. lower 20 years ago). Men expected to help themselves; society lacks systemic support (e.g., no male-only homeless shelters despite all-gender ones; few male-only scholarships despite 41% college grads). Patriarchy harms both genders, but what systemic support for struggling men? Not women's responsibility; focus on self-care for all.
Rates of addiction and deaths of despair (suicide-related) are high, with male suicide rates four times higher than female rates. During residency, women's mental health clinics existed, but not men's. Men in relationships may be protected from some negative effects.
Takotsubo cardiomyopathy (broken heart syndrome) highlights sex differences. Women initiate divorce more often. Gay male couples have <50% divorce rate (around 30%), while lesbian couples have ~60%, higher than heterosexual couples.
Post-divorce, women report losing "a relationship," while men report losing "a life." Women form multiple connections; men often have one primary emotional support (their wife). This burdens wives as de facto therapists. Men's post-divorce cortisol spike, inflammation, and acute heart attack risk are significantly higher. Biological differences: men's inflammatory response to colds is stronger (e.g., wife functional when sick, husband incapacitated), possibly due to evolutionary needs (males more prone to injuries in animal kingdom).
Divorce mortality risk higher for men than women.
Observation: Young men struggling (languishing, falling behind) often have supportive girlfriends who are advancing professionally while the men stagnate. They have relationships but can't launch careers or become "grown men." Parents seek single fixes (e.g., anti-hair loss meds causing sexual side effects).
Dr. Kanojia's experience: Took 5.5 years to graduate college (2.4 GPA), started med school at 28, financially independent at 32 (residency). Wife worked since 16; she supported him without pressure, confident he'd figure it out.
Failure to launch: Gifted kids hitting a wall, struggling with discipline/motivation. Seek single solutions despite multicausal nature (not hair loss meds). Core issue: Men taught to 'do,' not understand themselves—misdiagnosis problem. Medicine: Diagnosis harder than treatment.
Example: Young men complain of tiredness/low energy. Tiredness is brain signal "not worth doing," not always low energy. Solution: Force action (exercise as effective as SSRIs); reframe conception of task (procrastinate easy tasks after overthinking). Avidya (ignorance) source of dukkha (suffering)—understanding > willpower.
Things easy post-understanding were hard before. For lazy/"degenerate" types, understanding motivation > discipline.
Patient example: 31-year-old addict dropout; 2 years later, finishing therapy school, earning 150k/year, published dystopian novel—via understanding his system, making minor adjustments. Analogy: Car hard to move without knowing how to drive it.
Self-understanding not indulgent navel-gazing but addressing ego vs. true wants, accessing void via meditation to steer amid external pressures. Need language clarifying it's not victimhood/trauma justification (real trauma exists but overdiagnosis weakens people).
Majority report no problems; use like addictive substance (healthy or not depends on usage).
Problems:
- Increasingly neuroscientifically engaging: ED in under-30s rose from 5% (20-30 years ago) to 20%—inability to maintain erection to climax (not initial erection).
- Younger people with climax issues during penetrative sex.
- Advanced tech: brighter colors, jiggle, VR, 8K/4K.
- Shift from passive to interactive (OnlyFans): parasocial/emotional affairs—activates empathy/social/relationship circuits.
- Prepubescent exposure strong risk factor for later addiction (majority exposed before puberty). Sex profoundly activates brain (salience, procreation drive).
Often not horniness/masturbation: emotional suppression, second-screen numbing (e.g., restroom viewing). Addiction requires pleasure + pain relief; shifts to pain numbing over time.
Rising due to harder life: social isolation, dating difficulty, social media delusion, skill atrophy.
Relationships crucial: Can only help patients so much without one. Focus on skills once learned organically: science of arousal, flirting.
Looksmaxing/muscle building as safer displacement—controllable, no other humans/rejection risk. Avoids overwhelming: "How to flirt without rejection? Hurts insecurities." Hyperfocus one variable (ignores average-looking coupled people, selection bias).
Theory of mind: "If I date 10/10, someone dates me."
Science exists: Half of charisma studies in religious journals. Know how people fall in love; dopamine floods from presence now harder due to social media disruption.
Advice: Walk 1 hour pre-date, no tech—increases neuroscientific capacity to fall in love.
Boring breaks best: Engaging breaks (social media) exhaust brain, harder to re-engage hard work.
Love via shared emotional experience (rickety bridge study: stronger bonds; rehab "trauma bonding" inevitable despite rules).
Modern dating: Interviews/judgments from profiles (height/money don't predict success).
Dr. Kanojia's story: Planned monkhood, casually asked wife for food (no formal date), dated intermittently during India trips; 7 years later together. Love not complicated with right internal/external environment; teach how it works.
Hour off social media pre-date terrific advice.
Our nervous systems cannot pivot from one sensory experience to the next without the previous experience contaminating or supporting what comes next. This is obvious with sleep: a great night's sleep leaves you feeling great the next morning, while a terrible night's sleep leaves you feeling terrible. The same applies to dopamine depletion or over-arousal affecting subsequent experiences, making them under-arousing—even social interactions, not just sex.
Movies create shared emotional experiences, explaining why they were a traditional first date choice despite criticism for lacking conversation. This organically fosters connection.
Things seem bleak, but tools exist to reverse it. We know how to be charming, flirt, foster interactions, relationships, and emotional connections. Charisma and attractiveness come from humor and kindness. Humor signals intelligence (ability to read someone) and empathy ('does this person get me?').
The internet creates separate worlds. A controversial YouTube video on 'why women prefer beta males' highlighted drive for muscularity research. Women agreed super-alpha males are unappealing and they'd run for the hills; many men disagreed. Beyond pornography and social circuit atrophy, bad information exacerbates issues. Good information, when applied and practiced, leads to mastery of the system.
As an undergraduate in a Stanford sleep lab, the team watched sunsets daily to entrain circadian rhythms. Researchers like Seiji Nishino and Emmanuel Mignot (discoverers of narcolepsy genes and druggable targets) recommended seeing sun within the first hours of the day (mid-1990s). Retinal neurons mediating this were discovered later (early 2000s). Understanding mechanisms empowers mood, mental health, metabolism improvements—now taken for granted.
Practices that seem 'woo' today will have mechanisms understood in 10 years, revolutionizing mental health. Science catches up, but effective practices must be discussed.
Skepticism stems from abundant BS. Dr. Kanojia studied Reiki, crystal healing, Bach flower remedies but avoids discussing them due to lack of basis (except possibly energy healing). He focuses on yoga and meditation for personal experiences and best evidence.
People can't wait 20 years for mechanisms. Techniques like surya and yoga nidra provide autonomic benefits; neuroscience links are iffier. Encourage exploration with skepticism: try practices regularly.
- Cardiac coherence breathing
- Alternate nostril breathing (nauli?)
Try standard versions, then advanced: 8 seconds inhalation, 32 seconds hold, 16 seconds exhalation, alternating nostrils.
Every 90 minutes around the clock, dominant nostril switches (observable even with deviated septum). This alternates parasympathetic and sympathetic dominance via autonomic nervous system (ultradian rhythm). Physiologist Nome Soil confirmed: breathing through one nostril affects autonomic nervous system differently than the other—from birth until death.
Yogic texts described this; Dr. Kanojia leaned into physiologically sound practices with evidence to ensure benefits, especially in advanced stages.
Much is scientifically valid but hard to study. Some truths may be beyond current/future science, like spirituality.
No direct scientific evidence for a thought. Amygdala-anxiety link comes from correlating brain activity with self-reports.
Anna Lembke (Stanford MD/psychiatrist, author of Dopamine Nation, pioneer on neuroscience of social media 5-10 years ahead) has a forthcoming book on spirituality. Serious scientists/clinicians explore this pre-rat/monkey/human trials.
Spirituality scares and frustrates but is the only scientific exploration no one can do for you. It's subjective states like Shunya (brain scans possible, but experience requires personal effort).
Personal anecdote: Meditation led to destabilizing memories not from this life (not claiming past lives exist). As a psychiatrist, this challenges worldview.
Sadness: We've explored the surface but ignored inner dimensions of exploration only you can access (samskara, sulpa, unconscious, liminal states). Hear about it, but must go there yourself.
Andrew Huberman praises Dr. Kanojia's unique depth in addressing practical concerns with tools from neuroscience, psychiatry, psychology, ancient practices. Favorite conversation ever; grateful for public education on ego dissolution, distress tolerance, operational awareness, unlearning, shiny meditation (Huberman experienced moments during instruction).
Encourage trying practices; no substitute for self-exploration.
Dr. Kanojia reciprocates praise. Mutual thanks.
Post-discussion promo:
- Learn more about Dr. Alok Kanojia's work in show notes/captions.
- Subscribe to YouTube channel (zero-cost support).
- Follow on Spotify/Apple; leave 5-star reviews/comments.
- Check sponsors.
- Comments/questions for Huberman Lab podcast on YouTube (he reads all).
Huberman's book: Protocols: An Operating Manual for the Human Body (first book, >5 years work, >30 years research/experience). Covers sleep, exercise, stress, focus, motivation protocols with science. Pre-sale at protocolsbook.com.
Social media: Huberman Lab on Instagram, X, Threads, Facebook, LinkedIn (science/tools, some podcast overlap, much distinct).
Neural Network Newsletter: Zero-cost monthly; podcast summaries, 1-3 page PDFs (sleep, dopamine, cold exposure, foundational fitness: cardio/resistance). hubermanlab.com > menu > newsletter (email not shared).
Thank you for interest in science.
Keep Andrew Huberman in your library
Save the videos and channels worth coming back to, and find them again in one place.
