#1 Communication Expert Explains Why You're Not Actually Shy | Vinh Giang
In a Nutshell
Shyness and confidence are learned behaviors, not fixed traits, and can be changed through deliberate practice of new communication habits. The core method is recording yourself speaking, then systematically reviewing body language, vocal patterns, and content to identify specific issues like filler words or weak presence that block career progress. Introverts and extroverts both need to treat their voice as a dynamic instrument—learning to match energy, use strategic pauses, and manage adrenaline—so they communicate with authority rather than remaining invisible.
These notes were generated by AI and may contain inaccuracies.
Shyness and confidence are not fixed traits but rather a series of behaviors that can be practiced and changed. The way you move your mouth, manipulate airflow, and move your hands are all behaviors that can be learned. People who identify as shy have been practicing shy behaviors for 15, 20, 30, or 40 years. Confident communication is another series of behaviors that can be practiced for the same duration to achieve proficiency.
When behaviors become part of someone's identity, they feel stuck with them. However, this attachment is not permanent. People can change their behavioral patterns regardless of how long they've practiced them.
The voice people currently use is not their natural voice. Natural voice is lost around age 2 or 3. The current voice is a habitual voice formed through a series of habits learned from people they were inspired by when young. When habits move from the conscious mind to the subconscious mind, they feel like an inherent part of identity.
The primary challenge people seek help with is becoming more self-aware about their communication problems. They want to begin the journey toward improved communication awareness.
The primary method for developing self-awareness is the record and review process. Most people resist watching themselves on video or listening to themselves on audio, which prevents them from developing communication self-awareness.
The process involves:
- Recording a 5-minute video of yourself speaking
- Waiting one day before reviewing to reduce self-criticism
- First watching the video on mute while taking notes on body language, facial expressions, leg position, movement, and visual ticks
- Then listening to the audio for vocal qualities including rate of speech, volume, melody, passion, filler words, and non-words
- Finally getting the content transcribed to identify patterns like speaking in circles or repetition
A student discovered through the record and review process that his use of "ing" and "aaring" had held him back for 6 years in his career. His managers cited lack of clarity, authority, and confidence, but never specified what needed improvement. This simple vocal habit prevented career progression.
People seek help with situations where they feel invisible in meetings, their opinions are overlooked, or they get interrupted constantly. The interruption problem stems from low vocal presence and low physical presence.
When people have low volume, small body language, and speak in ways that make them easy to interrupt, others interrupt them. Standing up during meetings, using larger body language, and stronger volume creates authority that makes interruption difficult.
People get interrupted because they are easy to interrupt. Creating friction through authority makes interruption less likely. Standing alone with increased volume can prevent interruptions even without additional body language changes.
The way people use their instrument and voice signals to others how they should be treated.
Introversion and extroversion exist as real differences in how people get energy. Introverts lose energy when around people, while extroverts gain energy from social interaction.
Voice functions as an instrument where great communication is great communication regardless of whether the person is introverted or extroverted. The difference is that introverts must be highly strategic about when they use their voice, while extroverts can use theirs more continuously.
Introverts need to be highly aware of energy rejuvenation methods. They must learn to play their instrument well despite having to use energy more strategically than extroverts.
Organizations perceive people based on their communication skills rather than their technical abilities. A person who is technically 10 out of 10 but has communication skills of 3 out of 10 will be perceived as a 3 out of 10.
To maintain energy for meetings and Zoom calls, people must learn to protect their energy by conserving it throughout the day rather than expending it continuously.
Menu items are quick techniques to reach for energy restoration:
- Wim Hof breathing technique (two cycles before meetings)
- Healthy snacks like blueberries and raspberries with cream
- Favorite beverages like coffee
- Playlists of videos that create laughter
- Orchestral war music like Hans Zimmer compositions
The technique involves 30 deep breaths in and out, followed by exhaling and holding breath as long as possible, then taking a deep breath in, holding for 15 seconds, and releasing.
Energy does not occur naturally without effort. It takes work to show up with energy, intention, and purpose. People should not expect energy to be easy or assume something is wrong if they lack natural energy.
Preparing for Zoom calls requires structure with 15-minute breaks between calls for resetting. This discipline is necessary to maintain energy across multiple consecutive meetings.
People speak fast when nervous or anxious. Fast speech occurs in high-pressure situations like job interviews or quarterly reviews. Before these situations, people need to still their mind and body through breathing techniques.
Adrenaline causes fast speech. Physical activities like brisk walking, push-ups, or star jumps can eliminate adrenaline before presentations, reducing both physical shaking and rapid speech.
Self-consciousness causes nervousness. Shifting focus from yourself to serving others eliminates cognitive capacity for nervousness. Making interactions about the audience rather than yourself reduces anxiety.
Pauses allow listeners to process information. Without pauses, speech becomes unclear and difficult to follow. Pauses also provide time to breathe and relax, preventing rapid speech.
In music, the most important note occurs after a crescendo in the form of silence. Orchestras build to peak moments and then create silence that leaves audiences in awe.
Beyond matching body language, people can match vocal foundations including rate of speech, volume, pitch and melody, tonality, and pause patterns. This creates rapport by meeting people where they are vocally.
Meeting people where they are vocally demonstrates dynamic communication rather than inauthenticity. After establishing rapport, communicators can gradually guide conversations to desired outcomes.
When someone approaches with high excitement about an idea, respond by matching their energy level to demonstrate respect. Previously, a single flat response like "Oh, that sounds really cool. Yeah, that's great. Awesome, man" made people feel their excitement was unimportant. Now, mirroring peak emotions—even frustration—builds immediate connection. When someone expresses frustration, respond with matching energy: "Ah man, that sucks" to show genuine presence and understanding.
On Zoom calls, when someone appears in a sad or low mood, resist the urge to drag them up energetically. Instead, lower your volume and meet them where they are: "Hey, I just wanted to check in with you. You're all right? How's it going?" This approach makes people far more likely to open up. The alternative—responding with high energy like "What's going on, man? Come on. Look at the weather outside. It's amazing today"—creates barriers to connection.
People often believe there is only one version of themselves that must be maintained across all situations, which is like driving a car with only one gear. Humans are far more dynamic than this suggests. When angry, voice and body language change naturally. When having done something wrong—like staying out too late with friends—speech patterns become sheepish and apologetic. These natural variations demonstrate the capacity for different gears, but without conscious attention, people default to a single rigid mode.
This single-gear approach explains why some people struggle in interviews, wondering why they are not standing out or receiving deserved promotions. The solution is learning to be more dynamic with vocal and physical expression.
Your voice is an instrument. Play all of the songs that are trapped within you. Don't die with all your music trapped inside.
If you're nervous, just look over their heads
This advice, given before a first stage appearance, resulted in appearing arrogant because eye contact was avoided. Additionally, looking over heads eliminates all feedback and energetic exchange with the audience.
Shaking occurs due to excess adrenaline. The remedy is performing star jumps to burn off this excess energy before presentations.
That I was stuck with the sound of my voice. It's just a series of behaviors. If you change the behaviors, you change the sound.
Use your instrument to spread more love, kindness, and compassion.
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