Do THIS Instead & He Won’t Be Able to Resist You | Body Language Expert Vanessa Van Edwards
In a Nutshell
To attract someone, you must dramatically over-signal availability through 29+ flirtatious cues in 10 minutes—flirty glances, self-touch, and a simple "hey" with downward inflection—because people severely underestimate how obvious their interest appears. Authenticity beats performance: find the lowest resonance in your natural voice, break social scripts with playful guessing games and specific "me too" questions like "Working on anything exciting?", and express genuine liking rather than generic compliments. Test compatibility through the "car challenge"—an hour-plus activity in varied environments—while watching for incongruence between words and body language that reveals inauthenticity.
These notes were generated by AI and may contain inaccuracies.
When trying to signal interest to someone in social settings like workout classes, rooftop bars, or clubs, people tend to think their cues are obvious when they are not. Research on singles in bar and nightclub settings found that women and men who believe they are being obvious with flirtation cues are often not perceived that way by others. A study counted flirtatious signals and found that it took 29 signals in 10 minutes for a woman to successfully show a man she was interested and get approached.
Attractive women who do not signal enough availability get approached less than less attractive women who signal availability. The most attractive women rated on attractiveness got approached less than unattractive women who signaled availability. Availability actually makes people more attractive. Body language signals of availability are more important than hair, outfit, appearance, or smell.
Flirty glances involve sweeping the room with eyes, then making brief eye contact when seeing someone attractive, followed by looking away and looking back up. A side glance or down and up look works well because looking up through lashes creates an appealing effect similar to Marilyn Monroe photos. It also involves little smiles. Self-touch counts as a flirty signal, including playing with hair or dress to signal health, or touching neck, lips, or chin to release pheromones.
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