“75% Of Men Said Yes. 0% Of Women Did.”

Sperm Donor Preferences vs. Mate Selection00:00

Andrew Thomas conducted a study examining women's stated preferences for sperm donors. The discussion highlights how typical mate selection requires going through a courtship phase or being seduced, which means people optimize for two different things: the genes their child receives and the traits that make them want to get into bed with someone.

When the seduction requirement is removed, as in sperm donor selection, people can purely optimize for desired traits in their children. Interestingly, the same mate preferences emerge in this context as in actual social interactions.

Clark and Hatfield Study01:31

The Clark and Hatfield study involved attractive men and women approaching random people on a college campus on a nice day. The approachers would say they had noticed the person and found them attractive, then ask one of three questions:

• Would you go out with me tonight?
• Would you come up to my room?
• Would you go to bed with me?

Both men and women were asked by the opposite sex. For the first question about going on a date, there was no sex difference in the original study, with roughly 50% of both men and women saying yes. Replication studies found men were somewhat more likely to say yes than women.

Response Rates by Question Type02:30

For the second question about coming up to the room, approximately 67% of men said yes in the first study, which was actually higher than the date acceptance rate. Women's acceptance rate dropped to about 6%.

For the third question about going to bed together, 75% of men said yes while exactly 0% of women said yes.

Differences in Refusal Style03:02

The manner of refusal differed significantly between men and women. The 25% of men who declined were generally polite. Some mentioned being busy or meeting their fiancée but asked for a rain check. In contrast, women who refused were not polite at all. They reacted with disbelief and indignation, and none apologized or requested a rain check.

Explanations for Sex Differences03:30

Two main factors explain the differences in response and refusal styles. First, there is an average difference in interest in casual sex. Men are more interested in casual sex, making them more likely to be flattered by the request. Women traditionally receive far more approaches and must frequently reject advances, making such requests less novel and flattering for them.

Second, physical safety concerns play a significant role. A woman going off with a man she does not know faces greater physical risk than a man going off with a woman he does not know, due to differences in physical strength.

Mate Value Disparity and Insult Perception05:30

Women can be rude when approached if they perceive a large disparity in mate value between themselves and the person approaching. If a woman views herself as an 8 and a man she considers a 3 approaches her, she may interpret this as an insult to her self-perceived value, thinking the man believes he has a chance with her.

Men are hypothesized to react differently if approached by someone they perceive as lower in mate value. Because women approach less frequently, men may interpret such an approach as evidence of their own high attractiveness rather than an insult. Men also tend to be more overconfident than women.

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