“Half Of Women Have Had Sex With Their Best Friend”
In a Nutshell
60% of romantic relationships start as friendships, with 50% of people having had sex with at least one cross-sex friend and reporting romantic interest in them—especially young people—making opposite-sex friendships a prime pathway to mating as proximity fosters attraction and friends exhibit mate-like qualities (protection, attractiveness, resources). Men are less likely to view these friendships as purely platonic (58% vs. 81% of women), often due to wishful thinking about mutual attraction, while women maintain some as backup mates but get upset when male interest is revealed. Cultivate more cross-sex friendships to expand networks, improve cross-sex understanding, and counter pessimistic dating beliefs, despite social media silos reducing common ground.
These notes were generated by AI and may contain inaccuracies.
60% of romantic relationships begin as friendships, making this a celebrated avenue for relationship formation amid fewer cross-sex friendships. New paper accepted on courtship in cross-sex friendship: men provision financially to cross-sex friends they're interested in mating with. 50% of people report romantic interest in a cross-sex friend; same number have had sex with at least one, particularly young people. Forming more cross-sex friendships provides a direct route to relationships as attraction grows over time; proximity breeds intimacy. Friends display qualities that make good mates: protection, physical attractiveness, resources. Men and women select friends with mate-like qualities.
Secondary benefits: broadens networks, improves cross-sex mind reading, disproves red pill/black pill beliefs through real-life female friends.
William Costello polled 527 heterosexual and bisexual people: Are opposite-sex friendships ever truly platonic? 81% of women said yes. Only 58% of men said yes. Women were three times more likely than men to say their friendship was purely platonic.
Women may get upset learning male friends see them romantically; not that they 'only want to sleep with you,' but that they probably would. Test: ask when out for drinks. Economist study: in platonic couples, men more likely than women to find friends sexy and think she finds them attractive; man's assessment matches his own attraction, unrelated to her feelings—men prone to wishful thinking.
Women want to be asked out more but unhappy learning opposite-sex friends are interested. Women keep some opposite-sex friends as backup mates.
Celebrate and cultivate more opposite-sex friendships as pathway to relationships.
Social media disincentivizes them: different worlds (e.g., Zoella, Facetune app—70-80% young women Facetune Instagram posts before posting; downloaded hundreds of millions times). Young men grew up with Runescape; little overlap, algorithms reduce common ground.
Question: sex difference in opposite-sex friends matching mate preferences? Data shows same traits sought in partners are sought in opposite-sex friends. If both sexes select similarly, women claiming no attraction to male friends may not be shocked—odds all male friends match boyfriend traits low. From jealousy perspective, opposite-sex friends or work colleagues (e.g., 'work husband') jealousy-inducing for men; men inclined to pump brakes on women's careers for mate-guarding.
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