KIM KARDASHIAN: You're Not Selfish, You're Just Finally Choosing Yourself
In a Nutshell
Kim Kardashian explains that around age 40 she stopped being a people-pleaser and began prioritizing her own happiness, which opened up unexpected opportunities as the universe rewarded her for choosing herself. She emphasizes that you can't change people who don't want to change and should instead surround yourself with those who align with your core values. Her justice reform work transformed her empathy, teaching her that everyone deserves second chances, while her parenting approach focuses on being present, documenting memories through yearly letters, and modeling hard work and passion for her children.
These notes were generated by AI and may contain inaccuracies.
In Japan, people are respectful even if they recognize you and they don't ask for photos. This creates an amazing experience, especially valuable for children to have moments where they feel wanted and loved but also feel unseen. Both experiences are something people crave.
Kim Kardashian gets up really early for her morning workout, which serves as her mental health check every morning. She describes it as her time in the zone that keeps her sane. After dropping her kids off at school, she has approximately 20 minutes driving back where she blasts music and takes no calls. At night, once her four children are asleep, she cherishes time alone to watch shows she wants.
Kim was raised with the belief that blood is thicker than water and that family members will always work through issues. She notes that compassion comes with age and through experiences, particularly mentioning her work with people behind bars. Her empathy has grown significantly from listening to people's stories rather than making situations about herself. She emphasizes that people should move at their own pace in developing compassion and empathy, and it's important to support others' journeys without expecting them to be at the same level.
Kim states that her morning workouts are her form of self-work. She believes there's no single right method for everyone and that people should do what works for them. She notes that many people on self-help journeys aren't necessarily happier, and individuals should sit back and move at their own pace.
Kim acknowledges she was a people pleaser who made decisions based on others' happiness for a long time. It was around age 40 when she figured out how to follow her own happiness. This wasn't about disregarding others' feelings but rather about finally putting herself first in a way that protects her heart. She describes this as a great place to be when you finally choose yourself.
Kim explains that when there's unnecessary tension and stress from work, relationships, or friendships, choosing to be still and not try to please everyone makes things clear. She realized she wanted to be happy and share life with people she trusts and who are loyal. After choosing herself, opportunities opened up in ways she never expected, as if the universe was rewarding her for elevating to the next level.
Kim values loyalty highly and has maintained the same group of best friends since preschool. She trusts her inner circle completely and would defend them without question. When hiring people, she looks at how long they've maintained previous relationships, viewing this as a sign of stability. She believes you can tell a lot about someone by their long-standing relationships.
Kim emphasizes that real friendships require mutual respect. Even if her life events are larger, her friends' important moments are equally significant. She values treating people with respect as fundamental, and having grounded relationships based in love is essential regardless of the type of relationship.
Kim describes parenting as the most challenging and rewarding job. She notes that nothing prepares you for it, regardless of waiting for financial stability or other milestones. The experience teaches you more about yourself than anticipated. She mentions nights of crying herself to sleep and the chaos of managing four children's different needs simultaneously.
Kim realized that parenting is a forever commitment, not something that ends at 18. She sees her mother still resolving issues for her adult children in their 40s. Kim is excited about the teenage phase and the deeper conversations it will bring, looking forward to the relationship evolution she experienced with her own mother.
Kim has made contracts with her sons promising they'll never leave her and always be best friends. She tells them they can live with her in their 20s and 30s and never have to move out, though she acknowledges they'll likely breach these agreements.
Kim is open and honest with her children about anything they want to ask. She waits for appropriate times to discuss topics they might not understand. Her children grew up seeing cameras and paparazzi, so it's normalized for them. She appreciates that her sisters had babies around the same time so the cousins can share these experiences.
Kim's work in justice reform began when she saw a case on social media that didn't make sense to her. Being curious about crime and solving puzzles, she reached out to attorneys. When successful in helping one person, she realized thousands of similar cases existed. This work changed her fundamentally and she considers it her purpose.
Through her justice reform work, Kim's level of empathy increased dramatically. She previously would have assumed people behind bars were guilty, especially for serious crimes. Learning about people's backstories and histories changed her perspective. She now fights for second chances, recognizing that people make bad choices but deserve opportunities to change, especially those who made poor decisions as teenagers now in their 40s with no chance for redemption.
Kim states she does not catch herself judging herself or being harsh on herself. She describes herself as competitive with herself but "pretty easy on myself." Jay Shetty notes this is "a real achievement" and observes that Kim has not experienced much self-judgment. Kim explains that she was "always like really calm, really easygoing."
Kim shares a key lesson learned "the hard way": you cannot help people that don't want the help, and you cannot force your beliefs on someone who thinks differently. She states it's okay to have different views, but if people don't align in the same values and morals at their core, then "this life is so short and you should go and find the people that do align with what you really believe in." She teaches her kids this when they're looking for friends and partners.
Kim emphasizes: "You can't really force things upon other people. You can't expect them to be where you're at at your level." She advises letting go of the idea of molding people into what you want, noting that "the expectations of going into something and thinking you're going to get a different result or thinking you have the power to change someone is so selfish and so crazy." She explains that people need to learn their own lessons: "They'll never learn that lesson. They have no clue what I'm talking about."
When asked about the biggest lesson from her mom that she's trying to pass on to her kids, Kim says: "Just how she makes people feel really heard and welcomed. She really is the most warm, welcoming person." Kim describes her mother's ability to make everyone feel invited and special, noting her party planning skills and how she creates gatherings where "everyone feels comfortable and can hang around."
Kim explains that her mother "loves people in her space and loves to create these memories," and that all the siblings got this from her. She hopes to pass on to her kids the importance of making time to be together as a family, whether "just sitting in our pajamas and hanging out." She wants her kids to want to make time to be together when they grow up with their cousins and aunts.
Kim acknowledges that "mom guilt is probably the hardest thing" and that she experiences it. She explains that you have to separate and understand that "you need your own bit of sanity." She shares that working makes her happy and that when things are hard, she dives into work as "a bit of my therapy and my routine to keep me going."
She describes texting girlfriends when kids are having tantrums, feeling like "the worst mom if something's going on and you can't fix it." She admits that sometimes it's so overwhelming that "locking ourselves in the room" happens, though "that's not what you should do. You should go and lean into them." Kim states this is "probably the only time I'd be hard on myself" - questioning if she's a good mom.
Kim emphasizes that "when you're home being really present" is key to balancing work with parenting. She notes: "Kids, all they want is time. They just want your time." She explains that kids will remember big experiences but "they'll always remember you being present." She extends this principle: "Think about what a kid wants. A kid just wants your time. So why wouldn't everyone else?"
Kim states: "There's no manual. They do not come with a manual. Everyone's doing the best that they can." She feels lucky to have a good group of girlfriends whose kids are experiencing different things, including divorce, but believes "We'll be okay. They will be okay and they will feel the love and support and that's all you can do."
Kim writes each of her kids a four or five page letter on their birthday about what the year was like, their friends, silly words they're saying, favorite foods, and "a little journey of what the year is like." She notes that from the first year to now with one child almost 10 years old, it's meaningful. She knows her kids will appreciate these letters and understand that she was protecting them, just as she understood with her own mom.
Jay Shetty notes what he finds inspiring: Kim wants to be an incredible mom but also show her kids "what a passionate purpose driven person looks like." Kim shares that seeing her mom "working late at night and waking up early in the morning" made her view her mom as a "superwoman," and she hopes her kids will think that of her. She mentions seeing her dad work hard as well.
Kim describes showing her kids her law school journey: dropping them off at school, then having "2 or 3 hours of law school." Her kids saw her take the bar exam, saw her open results and not pass multiple times, then saw her pass and cry. She wants them to feel that "finding a passion and working to me is something I love to do and there's so much joy in that for me." She encourages them to see "you can work hard and you can love it."
Kim shares that her kids sometimes tell her she's "the meanest mom in the world because I won't buy them Roblox every day." She responds: "It's okay. I could be the meanest mom in the world." Jay notes that "moms are willing to be anything their kids need them to be, even if it's that for a short period of time."
Kim's answer to the best advice received: "Something that I've learned about time is just that we never have enough of time. So, really be present and make the most of your relationships because we're not here very long and we have one life." She realized this when losing a parent, noting her mom talks about it constantly and it's "probably the one thing in life she's scared about."
Kim states the worst advice could be "almost too much advice or too many opinions." She advises: "Sometimes just do what you want to do and not take in all of the advice is really healthy." Jay adds: "Don't ask for it in the first place," noting people who message 25 people with the same question.
If everything went away and she had to restart business-wise, Kim says: "I think I would probably be a lawyer and just focus on that and go to law school and focus on being an attorney full-time because I just think the feeling of being able to help people is really powerful and necessary."
Regarding whether experiences make us who we are or we become who we're meant to be, Kim says: "I think it's both." She explains: "You can be the most talented person, but if you don't have that determination and drive, then what will become of it? It's not just going to magically happen because you're talented." She emphasizes: "So much of it is the effort and what you do with that." She notes that even when working at a clothing store, she did her "absolute best" because "you have to be fully your best. You have to put in 200%. You have no idea who's paying attention."
Kim shares how her view of material designer things evolved through fire evacuation experiences. First time, she packed her "entire shoe and bag closet" including designer items and memories from her dad. Second time, she packed designer stuff but left some clothes. Third time, she left all bags and shoes. Fourth time: "Leave everything. Me and my babies, that's all I need." She explains: "Nothing is worth it. Nothing is important."
Jay shares an Islamic proverb: "Detachment doesn't mean that you own nothing. It means that nothing owns you." Kim agrees and extends this beyond material things to work and relationships: "You can love a person, miss a person so much, but still have the wisdom to know they're not your person, and you're better off not together." She emphasizes that it's okay to feel opposite emotions and to be aware of when to let go.
Kim describes her approach to her father's death: "Right when he passed and I was felt it and super emotional about it and you know cry all the time when great things happen that I wish he was here. But also I had a wisdom at like a younger age to understand that this is like a part of our journey and a part of our like evolution and this happens and this is why you have to hold on to relationships even more precious. But don't let things destroy you at the same time."
Jay observes that Kim is "at peace" and notes that "often people can say something but... I can tell from your energy that you are content and you are at peace." Kim confirms she is "so comfortable taking my time to not rush" finding love again. She describes herself as "a hopeless romantic and always want to be in love" but is mindful with kids and wants to avoid repeating mistakes. She believes "whatever is meant to be will be" and isn't lonely.
Kim's answer: "Take your time." She elaborates that second chances and fairness are important: "Just making sure that everyone had like a basic human right to what's fair, I think would change a lot in the system." She adds: "A law for everyone to be kind. It's that simple." Her goal is to "raise kind, thoughtful, grateful, mindful human beings."
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