Mindset Coach on Why You’re Failing to Achieve Your Goals & How to Fix It | Rob Dial
In a Nutshell
Rob Dial explains that intellectual fears like failure or rejection are imaginary constructs that paralyze action, and the solution is awareness, deep breathing, and repetition to rewire thought patterns toward helpful thinking. Success stems from uncovering your deepest "why" through seven levels of questioning, then making an absolute decision to pursue it without backup plans, while recognizing that external achievements won't fill internal voids. The most transformative practices are daily self-awareness through silence and meditation, taking full responsibility as CEO of your life, and learning to love all parts of yourself rather than trying to eliminate unwanted aspects.
These notes were generated by AI and may contain inaccuracies.
Fears are the primary thing that hold people back from focusing on goals. Fears can be divided into two categories: primal fears and intellectual fears. Primal fears are those where pain or death is attached to the situation. Intellectual fears are the fears that people deal with daily, including the fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of not being accepted, and fear of success. All intellectual fears are made up in people's minds.
Intellectual fears cannot be overcome because they do not exist. People create the boogeyman in their minds by focusing on fears like the fear of success or failure rather than taking the necessary action. The focus gets placed on trying to overcome the fear when the fear doesn't exist in the first place.
The human ability to project minds into a future that doesn't exist yet is both a strength and a fault. When projecting into a fearful future, the brain sends neuropeptides to the body and creates hormones as if that moment is actually happening. This fearful feeling keeps people in the same place.
The process for handling intellectual fears consists of three pieces: awareness, practice, and repetition. Awareness involves recognizing when in a state of fear. Practice involves calming down through six deep breaths, connecting back to the heart, and asking what the best thing that could happen is. Repetition involves doing this over and over again to rewire the pattern.
Judgment patterns can be changed through awareness, practice, and repetition. The first thought cannot be changed, but the second thought can be changed. The practice involves forcing yourself to identify three things you like about someone you initially judged. Through repetition, first thoughts begin changing from judgment to acceptance.
All failure and success in life is based on the most repeated thought. When sitting in silence or meditating, thoughts should be observed without attachment, similar to watching cars go by on a road below while sitting on a mountain edge. Each thought should be evaluated by asking whether it helps or holds back from reaching desired goals. If helping, strengthen it. If not helping, choose a different second thought.
Procrastination can be understood through extreme examples. When asking people their percentage chance of making a million dollars this year, responses are typically very low. When changing the scenario to state that everyone loved will die if the goal isn't achieved, the percentage becomes 100%. What changed is not the goal or timeframe, but the why behind the action.
Motivation is fleeting and can disappear when something happens. Drive is different because a driven person has a strong why that they want to see happen in the world, their life, or for their family. When the why is strong enough, the how will reveal itself regardless of obstacles or challenges that arise.
The seven levels of why involves repeatedly asking why to uncover the true motivation behind goals. One coaching client initially stated wanting to make $100,000 because he had never done it before. After going through seven levels of why, the real reason emerged: he wanted to regain custody of his children who lived in a dangerous area with his ex-wife after a divorce, fearing they would be killed in a driveby.
Even when life circumstances are comfortable, a strong why can still exist. One example involved making $250,000 a year at age 27 working from home, but feeling like life was withering away. The anxiety of continuing in sales management for another five years was greater than the fear of change. The decision came down to asking whether the current path would be fulfilling versus pursuing podcasting and coaching work.
Rob Dial faced a critical decision about his future path. When considering whether to continue in sales management and consulting or pursue coaching people and changing lives, the answer was immediate: coaching. The fear that came up was significant because in 2015, nobody made money from podcasts and he had no idea how to grow a business.
What became most important was that when he fast-forwarded into the future, the futures he didn't want seemed way more painful than trying the unknown. The fear of being in the exact same position, working the same job, making a little more money every day until he died was more terrifying than the fear of judgment or putting himself out there.
In November 2015, just months after starting his podcast in August 2015, Rob experienced intense fear and considered going back to work for someone else. He had a new house and mortgage with no income coming in.
While at his sister's house, she brought out a box of their father's belongings. Their father was an alcoholic who passed away when Rob was 15. The box contained his glasses, a t-shirt, his watch, and letters he wrote while in jail for multiple DUIs.
In a letter written to Rob's sister on her 19th birthday in 1999, the last line read: "I hope you live your life with courage, love, and laughter." Rob felt this message was meant for him in his moment of fear.
The word "decision" comes from the Latin "decidere," meaning "to cut off." Rob committed to cutting off all other options, following Will Smith's advice that having a Plan B distracts from Plan A. He decided he was either going to succeed or die trying.
Rob got his first tattoo with the words "You live your life with courage, love, and laughter" as a permanent reminder of this commitment. He realized that fear doesn't disappear when you make a decision, but you learn to live with it because the bigger fear becomes getting to the end of your life without having tried.
Jim Carrey's story about his father being made redundant from his "safe" job as an accountant reinforced the idea that failing at something you don't love is likely, so you might as well try something you do love.
Rob's biggest habit change was stopping the belief that he would reach a place where he no longer had to use his brain. The myth that a paycheck, bank balance, home, or partner means you don't have to think anymore is the biggest lie we've been sold. An uncertain world forces you to be conscious, and being unconscious in an uncertain world leads to dangerous places.
Rob wanted to make money to achieve the safety and security he never felt as a child. When he reached a financial goal, he realized he felt exactly the same as before - no more secure, happy, or loved. The achievement, recognition, and material things didn't fill the void inside him.
What he was searching for from the external world was actually what he needed to find within himself. He now spends time in silence on his porch to fill the void created through life, patterns, heartbreaks, and childhood experiences. He's trying to be there as the 38-year-old man for the 9-year-old boy that's still healing.
Rob learned that his father became an alcoholic because he hadn't worked through his trauma - at age 12, his father walked in on his own father who had just shot himself. In the 1960s, there weren't resources like podcasts or books to help process this.
Rob's own trauma manifested as workaholism, which society rewards and praises. He learned to build systems and processes in his business to free up time to "just be," believing that God, the universe, or life speaks in silence.
When sitting in silence, anxiety would come up telling him he should be doing something else. He realized he was trying to achieve to fill a void, but now he allows whatever comes up - sometimes gratitude, sometimes tears as his body releases something.
Children naturally release through temper tantrums. Adults might need "adult temper tantrums" in safety - taking a pillow to scream, cuss, or smash in private. When sitting in silence, what's coming out is actually what's inside, and the body's natural intelligence is trying to let go of it.
Rob gets curious about anxious feelings or tears instead of running from them. He's been reading J. Krishnamurti, who says don't "know" yourself because knowing is based in the past and memories. Instead, "learn" yourself in the present moment by being curious about what comes up.
Rob sees himself as a soul that chose this life, which removes the victim mentality of "woe is me" about his father's behavior or his mother's actions. His body changes - he's not as fast, gets sorer - but his soul remains constant.
He wants to unattach from his body and everything external to connect to what's internally true. Truth is what never changes - if something changes or can be questioned, it's not true. Connecting to this truth brings more peace.
Ram Dass taught that the only work you have to do is the connection to your own heart. Rob constantly asks what's in the way of his own heart - what material possessions or desires block that connection.
This work has brought more peace and improved his marriage because he's not blocking his wife from fully experiencing him, and he's able to experience her more fully.
Rob initially thought spiritual development would make him less motivated to achieve, but that hasn't happened. Instead, he achieves without "white knuckling" through life, taking action without being wrapped up in fears and limiting beliefs.
He's in the world and of the world simultaneously. When business stress arises with employees and hiring, he steps back and sees it as "just a game" - acknowledging it's all real, but behind it all, he can connect to a deeper sense within.
Rob's analytical nature meant he was never taught how to feel and process emotions. When stressed or anxious, he takes deep breaths to get back into his body, recognizing that his head projects into the future or past while his body is always present.
He reminds himself that he's overcome many things and will figure it out. The result isn't less action or achievement, but action without forcing - allowing life to happen through him rather than white-knuckling through it.
Rob experiences the paradox that what he does is both significant and insignificant simultaneously. This duality is freeing because it removes pressure and brings back the fun and joy of life that was programmed out of us as children.
He wants to connect to his inner child and bring that spirit back - doing amazing things without stress, allowing creativity to flow effortlessly. When sitting in silence, ideas come through that he wouldn't have seen otherwise, because we're often trying to force creativity instead of allowing space for it to happen.
Every person needs to give themselves more space to not be on their phone constantly. For people with children, waking up a little bit earlier to sit in silence and see what comes up is important. What becomes noticeable is that while life is very important, it is also very insignificant, and that's okay.
Watching videos about how small the earth is compared to the rest of the universe serves as a reminder that even though everything is happening and people are in it, none of it actually truly matters.
Being anxious and busy does not create the most effectiveness. Starting from a place of peace gives clarity and perspective. Walking into something with stillness allows zooming out and zooming in, whereas constant movement creates blur and fuzziness.
What people are searching for externally, they are actually searching for within themselves. Many people are always looking for somebody to give them love and acceptance, or achieving so they can be accepted. The love and acceptance being sought from others is what is actually needed for oneself.
People pleasers change themselves to try to get love and acceptance from somebody else, but this is like a hungry ghost where the food just goes through without nourishing. The actual search is for self-love and self-acceptance.
Instead of trying to grow and change because of resenting aspects of oneself, the approach has shifted to loving every aspect. This includes both the beautiful parts that love people and want to connect, as well as the selfish, judgmental, and less present parts.
These less desirable parts came from past conditioning, such as needing to be selfish as a child for survival reasons. Trying to change these aspects makes them stronger, while loving and accepting them causes them to chill out.
Internal family systems therapy involves looking at all parts of oneself and understanding how the entire orchestra works together. Rather than trying to force change, the goal is loving every aspect and bringing specific versions forward when needed.
When writing a book, the egoic desire for success and New York Times bestseller status was recognized. Instead of hating this aspect, it was used as a tool to create the best possible book to impact people.
The concept of anartha refers to unwanted things that seem unwanted but actually need to be engaged in service of doing something higher for purification. These aspects cannot be cut out, gotten rid of, hated away, shamed away, or guilted away.
The only way to purify these tendencies is to engage them in higher service, such as impacting others, helping others, or improving lives. Ignoring them causes them to stay, while pushing them away makes them stronger.
The most potent lesson learned the hard way is that you can't do it all on your own. Trust issues developed from emotional neglect by a father who would promise to pick up for activities like fishing but never show up.
This created a feeling of having to do everything alone and not being able to trust anybody. The phrase "no man is an island" was not understood until recognizing that the universe has always provided everything needed and people to help improve and get better.
With a team of 30 people, it's impossible to help people alone the way one wishes to help them. Trusting people to help and asking for help, whether in business or personally with a spouse, represents strength rather than weakness.
The best advice ever received is "everything is your fault," meaning you are the CEO of your life. A mentor explained that if a business succeeds or fails, it's the CEO's responsibility. Similarly, at the end of life, whether the desired life was created is one's own responsibility.
This doesn't mean everything that happened is your fault, but whatever reality exists is your responsibility to work through. Will Smith expressed this as: it's not his fault that his father was an alcoholic, but it is his responsibility to deal with it.
The worst advice ever received is to "fit in with everybody else."
The most repeated thought recently is "I'm proud of you," which is told to oneself every single day, repeating what was heard from a mother as a child.
The number one habit that changed life is meditation and breath work, along with finding space for oneself.
If one law could be created that everyone in the world had to follow, it would be to take five minutes every single day to practice self-awareness.
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