The Real Reason You Don't Believe in Yourself
In a Nutshell
The core message is that self-doubt and imposter syndrome are simply fear, which can be rapidly shifted by changing your physiology, focus, and language—especially through "I am" incantations that program a stronger identity centered on service rather than self. The speaker stresses that focusing on serving others eliminates fear because it moves attention away from personal performance. Finally, past trauma creates unique gifts for helping others, but you must update your identity through deliberate conditioning so old protective patterns don't block you from receiving love and success.
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We're afraid to fail and then we're afraid if we succeed, more expectation will be there. If you can know that it's just fear, fear can be changed in a few moments by a radical change in your physiology. You need to condition the song in your head. When you go through spiritual pain, you end up with a spiritual power because the power is when you can heal that that is a whole different level. And then you're that makes you someone who can help others heal because you've actually lived it.
The question was asked: "How can I help?" The person responded they were wondering if there are any tips for overcoming imposter syndrome because they have had a lot of career growth recently and a lot of public interest in their work and the more that grows, the more they have feelings of being a fraud or like they don't deserve the success.
Imposter syndrome is a modern new concept. It was made up many years ago and people attached to it. You hear it so commonly now because people feel like it's like a thing. It's like a disease. And so when something is a thing, it's hard to change. A process is easy to shift. And really what you're experiencing is fear. You shouldn't feel bad about it because it's so common.
Anthony Hopkins is a good friend. He memorizes everybody's lines in the entire script. That's how obsessed he is. That's how committed he is. He's not only the most amazing actor of his generation or at least one of the top two or three, but literally that's his level. So if someone forgets the line, Tony will finish their line for them, give the line to them. That's how obsessed he is.
When Anthony Hopkins first came, he said he felt like an imposter. Like people are going to figure out who he is. He acted like this gruff guy. When met in person, he was one of the sweetest, nicest, most outgoing guys. But if you see him in interviews, he holds it all a certain way because he thought he had to be a certain way. He had to project a certain way. If you're an actor, this is how you're supposed to be. It's just an identity he built up.
Let's look at what it really is. It's just fear. Usually they go together because we're afraid to fail and then we're afraid if we succeed more expectation will be there. That's what you're afraid of. And then what if I don't live up to that? And so it's all just fear.
If you know that it's just fear, fear can be changed in a few moments by a radical change in your physiology, in your focus or your language. Remember that triangle, the triad. You need a compelling reason to do it and you need a stronger identity built into you.
The way it was changed was twofold. Number one, started doing those incantations. It had to program the mind because all that's happening is tell what happens when you have the imposter syndrome. Tell what you focus on or what you say to yourself. Show what you do with your body and face. How do you breathe?
When thinking of a situation when starting to feel it: "Who do I think I am?" The response was "just Sophie." Just Sophie is a generalization, a distortion, and a deletion of so much of what you are. There is a Sophie in there that is incredibly generous. There is a Sophie in there that's really loving. There is a Sophie in there that is crazy at times. There is a Sophie in there that can be silly. There is a Sophie that can be worried. So there's all kinds of Sophies in there.
Remember that in a relationship the most important thing is selection. Like who you select within yourself to bring to your relationship will create a different response. If you want to change you, the best way is change me. So the focus is to see there is a Sophie that's not just Sophie. There's a Sophie that has a gift. And it's not bad to have a gift. Worked tail off with gifts, but also believe in grace. Believe that God has given a gift, but then done the part. Believe the two come together.
The core belief is that there's a gift. You may have developed it. You may have been born with it. It's probably some combination of those things. And the gift is probably going to get stronger when you put yourself out there. When you're going through hell, keep going. That comes from Churchill. So the experience is just got to get out there and experience it.
The other part is really got to focus more on the service than anything else. Had this conversation by way of audio with someone in the country who is very famous. They haven't been on stage for a while, and they're going on stage, and they're starting to have these questions like, "Wow, I haven't done this in a while, and will I be this enough or that enough?" The response was: "You know what it is? You're forgetting who you are. Everyone does this, but here's how I do it. I stop thinking about me. I focus on serving those people."
If you're obsessed with feeling your audience or the people you want to serve or whatever the situation may be and you're focused on feeling them and just knowing before you start, "I'm passionate about sharing this with them because I know I've got something here that's useful or beautiful or helpful or whatever," you will not have that problem.
That's the problem with public speakers. Most public speakers get up and as they're speaking, they're thinking about how they're doing versus what is being done is feeling all of you and seeing what you're experiencing and seeing what do I need to do to be helpful in this moment so not thinking about me so there's no fear.
Do incantations and by the way that's what is done at the event too so that they become real. What is meant by incantations is like: "I now command my subconscious mind to direct me in helping as many people as possible today by giving me the strength, the energy, the vitality, the humor, the brevity, whatever it takes to show these people and get these people to change their life." Can ring that off so fast because been doing it since 17. And do it every time. It just brings to that place of certainty so that when someone shows up, can serve. So prepare properly and then focus outside yourself to what it is here to serve instead of myself.
Watch your transformational vocabulary, watch your words. Get rid of the imposter syndrome because it makes it a thing you have. Then, "I got to deal with my thing." No, it's just "I'm feeling a little fearful right now." So, okay, let me change my state. Let me refocus. Let me do some incantations and let me get my butt out there. And after you do it for a while, suddenly it'll be there.
If you do these incantations with "I am" whatever you attach "I am" to with enough intensity and enough consistency you will become because when you have that thing "well I'm just Sophie" and that physiology and that facial expression all those things there's nothing wrong with that that part of it is probably you trying to show yourself that you're humility and not too big for your britches and those are all honorable things but you can do it in a different way.
"I am a force for good. I'm a force for God. God comes through me right now or the universe or whatever your belief system is." When you can see the source of your gift is you, but it's also something greater than you. And if you're trying to serve something more than yourself, then you're gone. And when you're gone, there's only the beauty of your gift.
The next question is around identity. Born to a mother, second generation foster care. Born to a father diagnosed with five mental health conditions, tried to kill us for about a year. Had to run for our life for about a year. It took about 10 years to heal from that. Going to seminars, conferences, reading every book.
When you can take the worst experiences of your life and you can solve them, then you have a gift that you can give others that many people can't give because they haven't experienced it. Some people intellectually know, but you know experientially. Went through a different kind of pain. Went through spiritual pain. Spiritual pain is different than just physical pain. The spiritual pain is when the person that loves you most or you love the most tries to harm you. Have that same experience.
What has been discovered is when you go through spiritual pain, you end up with a spiritual power because the power is when you can heal that that is a whole different level. And then that makes you someone who can help others heal because you've actually lived it. You aren't talking about it with words. You haven't read it in a book. You've experienced it. So it's incredibly effective because you've lived it. Honor that. Took the problem and turned it into a gift.
Next month it'll be three years doing this full-time and it's such a gift. Yet, find myself blocked. Blocked from getting the love I want. Help other people figure it out. Help other people heal. Just helped a couple gentlemen go from single to married and created a business that creates synergy. But for me, it's baiting from me to be able to connect someone in that soulful way. In the mind's eye, "I don't want the pain again." So it's like I know it intellectually, but I'm stopped because I don't want to hurt that way again.
Everybody hears, and we've all experienced this in different ways. When you finally made it to the other side of something, you don't want to open yourself up to be there again. If you've been through a really painful relationship, for example, and it was the most pleasurable time, it was most passionate, and then it ended, the pain's even more extreme. And so, what happens is now it's like, we're almost like, we're just we're careful. We're avoiding, we're not doing it. So the value with other people and you're willing to do it. But there's a part of you that says, I don't want to go there.
There's a part of you also like thinks you have to earn this, just based on your history. Had to earn. By the way, most people have to earn. Not everybody. Some people are showered on love by their parents and then they kind of take it for granted and expect everybody else to shower them with love and they get pissed off when that doesn't happen. So everybody has their thing. Everybody is different.
The solution outside of this is coming up with an identity where you don't have to live with the fear of going there because it's like saying I'm going to go back to where I was at 17. There's just no freaking way. There's no way I'll go back to where I was when I was 29 even. There were great things there. There are unbelievably challenging times. Can look at various stages of life. But you accumulate a different level of strength and skill and knowledge and truth and positive emotion. And what's happened is you haven't updated your identity. Meaning you even though you're doing these beautiful things, you haven't updated it.
The way you updated it, number one is to figure out what is it that you're afraid of? What's the belief? What's the belief behind this? Did that also at one stage in life for about a decade almost. If you ask if happy, of course happy because was helping everybody. Saw and appreciated how helped people. But wouldn't let myself feel at all. Like if somebody said, "Oh my god, I love you so much. Or you're so incredible." Say the same things now because want them to know they're the source. Like Siri saying, "Oh, you did this all for me." No, Siri, you did this for yourself, but I'm glad I could help. And always have said that, but before wouldn't take it in. It's like, I don't know what it was. Was afraid if I take it in, then my ego will get too big or something and it's just not going to happen. Know that I'm just a guy. Know how much care. Know, God comes through me or the universe comes through me, depending on your belief structure, at the right times in the right ways.
Gradually, began to take it in and not be afraid of it that it was going to lead to disappointment or hurt. The biggest way did it is started coming up with these identities that for me I'm a child of God for me I'm here to serve I'm here and so started doing those incantations because when you do an incantation remember you're not just saying something you're using your whole body you're speaking out loud you're using the volume of your voice so you're doing the whole triad if you remember you're using your body in a radically different way that alone changes your brain and biochemistry you're focusing on who you really are here to be and owning it. You're attaching "I am" to it and using words.
When you do that over and over again, but talking about would do this for 45 minutes to an hour. In the early days, would go on a walk and do it and then get into feeling better. Jog a little bit and it became like a song. Realized needed to change this song in my head. That's what you need to do. You need to condition the song in your head.
Then the Dickens process where you're going to discover what are the pieces, what are those beliefs that are getting in the way and eradicate them. So you eradicate, remember we said decide what you really want like on the last day something, integration day, what do you really want? Where are you? So know where you want and kind of know where you are now. But now we got to eradicate the stuff that's in the way. Then we got to see our language and we got to program that language as a new identity through incantations through that experience of being in that state. And then all you got to do is do what you're already doing which is keep giving and the whole thing will flow.
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