Couples Therapist: We Lost the Ability to Fall in Love | Esther Perel

Decline in Social Play and Its Impact on Gen Z Relationships00:00

Gen Z is dating significantly less than other generations. When audiences are asked if they grew up playing freely on the street, parents of Gen Z raise their hands. When asked if their children or children they know play freely on the street, only a few hands go up. Without playing freely on the street, an entire ground for social negotiation is missed where individuals learn to play together, make rules, break rules, have wars, make peace, create alliances, and make up the whole thing. Without practicing those muscles where strangers are approached to play, then meeting somebody else and joining people together, relationships are not practiced.

All of that precedes dating. Without that foundation, dating becomes the first time one has to actually learn to speak to someone, and god forbid if it's even in person and look into their eyes and look at their body because so much of life at this point is completely disembodied and people don't ever see people move. Dating becomes this Olympus that has to be climbed, this whole mountain, and it's very anxiety-provoking.

When it is said that Gen Z doesn't date as much, Gen Z doesn't socialize in person, Gen Z doesn't have that many parties, it is a waste and a pity to not have dance parties and just hang together. It's not that they don't socialize, but it's a different kind of social. Speaking to someone means texting them. There is no hearing the voice. If the voice isn't heard, the entire oxytocin attachment hormone that gets produced while hearing the voice is missed. The voice is the first thing heard when in utero. Saying you spoke but not hearing the voice means connection and contact happened, but not the full experience.