Divorce Lawyer: The Worst Ways to Get Over a Breakup

Worst Ways to Get Over a Breakup00:00

Worst way: immediately dive into another relationship without pause. Advocate for a breathing period. If getting under someone to get over someone, be candid about it—don't lead people on, don't mislead, don't lie to yourself. Most dangerous lies are the ones we tell ourselves. Jumping into another very serious relationship quickly is terrible.

Why? Still processing tremendous grief, trauma, and loss. Must move through stages of grief (Elizabeth Kübler-Ross's stages from On Death and Dying): bargaining, sadness, anger, to reach acceptance. Can't skip stages. A marriage or relationship has died, treat it like a death. Recovery from divorce doesn't start until divorce is legally finalized with the official paper. Moving out months ago or being in process doesn't count—that's when the timeline begins. Analogy: can't grieve death until the body is buried and funeral held; seeing it lowered into the ground starts the process.

Best Ways: Physical and Spiritual Practices01:30

Best ways include body practice (yoga, martial arts, etc.). Tremendous value in physical practice for sweating, overcoming adversity, maintaining physical health. Many clients drink excessively under stress—healthy outlets needed. Creates community, combats loneliness from bad relationship and post-breakup isolation.

Personal story: Trained Okinawan Goju karate, Muay Thai kickboxing from age 7 to 20s, then marathons, family focus. Post-divorce, returned to martial arts, took up Brazilian jiu-jitsu. Craig Jones called it 'cardio for divorce'—listening to Creed, drinking White Monster, doing octagons, struggle cuddles. Builds trust and physical intimacy among men: 6-minute rounds lead to arm-around-each-other friendship. Trust when tapping out (won't snap arm or crush carotid arteries). Microculture of trust with strangers.