Tony Robbins Helps Her Break Free From a Lifetime of Trauma | Full Intervention
In a Nutshell
Tony Robbins guides Shen to release a lifetime of trauma by recognizing that her pain stems from fabricated meanings and old stories, not current reality. He emphasizes that every cell in her body has renewed, so the past abuser and the version of herself that suffered no longer exist—only the memory remains, which she must stop replaying. The breakthrough comes through cold-turkey abandonment of the victim narrative, forgiveness of her mother, and committing to bring her strongest, loving self into new relationships by running toward fear and selecting partners who match her present identity rather than her past wounds.
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Pain is often made up in our heads. It's all the meanings we've made up. Most of which are not usually true. Only you can make your life better right now by divorcing your story and marrying the truth of who you are today. You're an amazing soul and spirit and you deserve the happiness that's coming, but you have to free yourself of telling that story.
The pain will lead to pleasure. Pain, relief, and pleasure. Everyone has a strategy for letting go, but not many people are clear about it. If she gets enough pain that jars her and then there's something about the truth that sets her free and gives her relief, and then what's replaced is joy, pleasure, happiness, or love. If we don't go through the pain, we don't go through life. You don't have to stay in the pain. You don't have to suffer. But we do have to push through the pain.
The pain is often made up in our heads. It's all the meanings we've made up. Most of which are not usually true. They may look true on the surface, but they're not true.
It feels so inhuman what she said. Her mother probably saw that as the way of the world. Shen felt abandoned and felt so much pain.
The skin on your hands and your whole body is replaced every 30 days. Your heart, even the muscles in your heart, every 90 days are replaced. Every cell, every nerve, every atom in your body changes every two years. The 2022 version of Shen is dust in the wind. The version from so many years ago that when you remember it still creates pain doesn't exist in your body.
Nothing he did is with you anymore except playing the memory in your mind. Why rent space to that man who didn't have any humanity in him? Those that abuse were usually abused as well, most of the time. Stop renting space to that guy in your head. He doesn't deserve it. There's no bit of you that's been touched by him that still exists. Turn off that horrible horror story film because otherwise it becomes the filter for all relationships with men.
Not all men are like that. Actually, most men aren't. Some women pick men of a certain type. They want masculine energy and they pick immature masculine. Immature masculine wants to control you, wants to take from you, wants to dominate you, not in a sensual, playful way or loving way, but purely for themselves. They are completely selfish.
There are women that are immature girls who will use their sexual energy to get whatever they want. They don't give a damn what happens. Those people only stick around as long as they're getting what they want. But they're not the majority.
Real masculine is a man who would die for you, die to protect you, die to protect your children, die to protect your family, and not hesitate.
It would be very hard to experience real men because you'd feel unsafe and because of the tension you would probably feel unseen. That tension most men would feel and they wouldn't know where it's coming from. They think maybe it's towards them or you're just that kind of person, and so it becomes a kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
After finishing her second degree, her mom told her she had no money for college and wanted her to come work in the bar as a hostess to earn money for her. It is possible that her mother wasn't trying to make her a prostitute but that she worked in that environment and she didn't realize what it meant to Shen. The meaning Shen had may not be the meaning her mother had. Many people that are hostesses don't think that's anywhere near being a prostitute. In fact, they love serving people.
Shen had a very strong knowing that this is not right and this is not what she wanted.
Pause for a moment and exit your story of what you've been through. Look around this room. Look at what you see from the people towards you right now. What do you feel? Open your eyes and feel what's surrounding you. It's magnificent. Look at men and women of every age, of every color, of every shape, of every religion, from 81 different countries.
Take the 49-year-old and look around. Not the 18-year-old. Open your eyes and take in what's being sent to you right now. It's gorgeous. Take it in.
Telling the story again doesn't complete it. It just strengthens it. Going to a therapist and reliving it over and over again may desensitize you a little bit. Usually, it makes it easier to access those negative feelings. There's only one way to let this go, and that is cold turkey. Let it go. You don't repeat it. You don't say it.
You say it now so you can feel truly understood by 6,000 people from 80 countries. But more than understood, loved. Feel the completion.
If you want to know God's grace, feel this moment. He sent 6,000 souls who have all kinds of other things they do and it's the middle of the night and they're right here right now loving you.
Shen had the biggest breakthrough of her life. She forgives her mom. Because of her tough childhood, she became where she is today. She became strong.
What if they never left? What if they didn't even want to leave? What if they actually did love you? Sometimes after enough painful experience, the next relationship you're in, you don't see that person. You see that person through the filter of your past relationships. They start to do something that was like that, and then you start reacting as if it means the same thing.
You got to let your mother die. Let her die. Meaning she's no longer the source of your love that you're disappointed by. She's no longer where you look for it. She's no longer the filter for every relationship you have. That lack of trust comes from the situation with your mom.
One way you could do that would be to actually somehow understand that it had nothing to do with you. That it had to do with all that was going on inside of her.
I know that we're not doing this intentionally. It's just like you have limited resources, you were not well educated, don't have enough exposure, don't know how to be a mom, and you didn't get the love from your parents. That's why you don't know how to be a good mom. The mom that always next to me and support me.
Because of you, I become a great mom to my son.
Shen is single. Everything changes and everything ends, including your pain. Now you've learned to care for yourself because of your pain. So you found a way to meet your needs to a small extent. It's not the same richness as with someone you trust and is trustable and that you love and loves you. That also can get in the way because it's more controllable.
My model of the world has been before I met this incredible soul: sacrifice equals love. That's what I've done in all my relationships. I'd finish at 2 or 3 in the morning and then I'd be here for 2 hours signing autographs. I made sure every single person felt that love. I received it like I'd earned it because there was nothing left in my body, spirit or soul after 14 or 16 hours or 50 after four days. Now I love everybody. I give my all and then I go home. I have this love here that's so strong.
It's a slippery slope that when we have pain and it's legitimate pain, to let it continue because it meets the need for connection with ourselves. It meets the need for certainty because it's what we know. When things are overwhelming it actually is a form of variety, and it's incredibly significant because it's so painful. So it becomes an addiction to stay in pain.
If you're going to now have a fulfilling life, you have to replace this story with something else that meets your needs. You have to decide that number one is to your advantage. When people hear everything changes, everything ends, they freak out. That also means something new begins. When a door closes, three doors or windows open. But you have to look for them and you have to decide they're there. You have to decide that life is happening for me, not to me.
Now it's so in your body to go back to this story that it's an addiction. We can get addicted to good things and we can get addicted to bad things. There was no other way you could have felt but pain. Most people would not have survived it. You pushed through. You're an amazing human being. You're an amazing soul and spirit and you deserve the happiness that's coming, but you have to free yourself of telling that story.
The last time I ever told the story was from the 6,000 people from 81 countries. They were so loving to me. They listened to every word I said, and they understood. But they also wanted more from me. They made one request of me: feel all our love.
Before I met this woman, I thought how could I ever get this much love with one human being when I got tens of thousands of people loving me? It's a heady experience. But intimate love is even more powerful.
Put a stake in the ground that says no more of that story. I don't need to tell it to myself. I don't need to go revisit it. To do that will only fire off all those things again. And then those filters will keep me from the life I deserve. I'm not going to let some man or my past control my future. I'm not going to let it control my present.
You are an amazing woman, but you need to claim your womanhood again instead of the victim side of you. The only way to a new path is to cut off the old. The only way you're going to take the island is burn those boats. So let's burn this story. You shared it. 6,000 people see who you are and love you. We all honor your strength from all over the earth. So now no more of that story.
When things look scary, run towards what you're afraid of instead of away. Whatever is scary in your life, if you will run towards it, that's called courage. It doesn't mean you're not scared. You'll be scared. Run towards it. Act. Whatever you're afraid of, you go towards it, not run from it. If you'll run towards it, even though every part of your nervous system is saying, "I can't do this," if you'll run towards it, as you're running, there is a transformation. It's like the firewalk. As you take the first step, your brain goes, "We're doing this." And you kick in gear and you get across it.
You move towards it instead of going to push the button or running away because you're afraid. There may be a relationship or two that's still not the right one for you. You'll learn from those. But if you make them about your past, now you're giving it a meaning that isn't really real. It's just two people whose values are not the same or who have different preferences or different expectations.
You have so much love inside you and you've been so vulnerable. There will be a beautiful man that'll be pulled to you, but you can't live there or he won't know what to do. Most men have not been trained on how to deal with this situation. All we would do is want to kill this guy. But we can't. And it doesn't matter if we did. It wouldn't make your life better right now.
Only you can make your life better right now by divorcing your story and marrying the truth of who you are today. You don't go visit this anymore. You don't go visit your divorce story. You cut it off. You don't say it another day of your life. Not because you're hiding it, because it's over.
This is what I'm going to build. I know it'll have some ups and downs. I know it won't always be perfect. It's not going to be a straight line. But I'm going to go on the journey, the hero's journey. I'm being called right now. And I know it's scary, but I'm going to meet some cool friends and some mentors, and I'm going to slay the dragons, and I'm going to experience the love. And I'm going to be the hero of my own life and bring that back to my son as well as to my family.
Have you taken those keys and have you unlocked all those locks on your heart yet? Or do you want to do it now? Yes.
There are 6,000 people in this room and we only called on three tonight and you're one of the three. So you made this happen, didn't you? And therefore, you can make the relationship happen just the same way by a clear vision of what you want, not what you don't want. A clear commitment to whatever it takes to make that happen.
80% of success in a relationship is selection, selecting the right person. No one teaches us that. I'm talking about who you select to be in the relationship. Which part of you you're going to bring to the relationship? Are you going to bring the former who no longer exists? Are you going to bring the lover? Are you going to bring the one who had the same passion as when you were pursuing? Are you going to bring the broken one? Whoever you bring, whoever you select in you to consistently bring forth is what controls the quality of your relationship.
The second selection is who you pick. But the one that's more important is which one you bring. If I bring a different part of me to you, I'm going to bring out a different part of you. It's 100% responsibility. What most people do is one person gets in the relationship and then another person takes over once it's established, and they aren't the same people. You need to select the first one.
If you think it's the end of the relationship, act like it's the beginning of the relationship and there won't be an end because you did things very differently in the beginning.
You don't have to constantly work at a relationship because when you enjoy something, it doesn't feel like work. How many have something you do for a living that you love and it's pretty effortless for you to do it? You enjoy doing it. You get called to doing it. That's what you want your relationship to be.
One way you know it's the right relationship is that you want to be more from your partner than you even want to be for yourself. And so it calls you to be the best part of you to select that part of you regularly.
That requires you to then select which part of Shen is going to show up: the past one that went through so much pain or the current incredibly strong, loving, passionate woman who's going to rock her world in the world of someone she loves.
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