Tony Robbins Helps Her Break Free From a Lifetime of Trauma | Full Intervention
In a Nutshell
Tony Robbins guides Shen through releasing decades of trauma from childhood abandonment, molestation, and her mother's emotional absence, showing her that the pain lives only in her retold story, not in her body. He teaches that repeating the victim narrative strengthens it and becomes an addiction that filters every relationship through fear of abandonment, while the path out is to stop revisiting it entirely and replace it with the truth that she is lovable and capable of love. The key actions are forgiving her mother by seeing the events had nothing to do with her, burning the old story, and committing to bring her present strong self into new relationships instead of the wounded past version.
These notes were generated by AI and may contain inaccuracies.
Pain is often made up in our heads. It's all the meanings we've made up, most of which are not usually true. Shen shares that she always tells herself that people don't love her, when actually they do love her, and this gives her an excuse to cut off relationships and go away. Tony Robbins asks what if they never left, what if they actually did love her. Only you can make your life better right now by divorcing your story and marrying the truth of who you are today, your amazing soul and spirit. You deserve the happiness that's coming, but you have to free yourself of telling that story.
Shen is from Malaysia. She flew more than 24 hours to be there, hundreds of thousands of miles away. This is the first time she is speaking in front of 680 nationalities. She is going to show her scar, her pain for her breakthrough from the past two exercises. There is pleasure on the other side of the pain. Pain leads to relief, and then pleasure. The secret is pain, relief, and pleasure. Everyone has a strategy for letting go, but not many people are clear about it. If she gets enough pain, that jars her. Then there's something about the truth that sets her free and gives her relief, and all of a sudden what's replaced is joy or pleasure or happiness or love.
We forget about moving through pain because we don't want to go through it. But if we don't go through the pain, we don't go through life. You don't have to stay in the pain. You don't have to suffer. But we do have to push through the pain. The pain is often made up in our heads. It's all the meanings we've made up. Most of which are not usually true. They may look true on the surface, but they're not true.
Shen waited five years to sign up and was supposed to attend on the Gold Coast, but they wouldn't let her go because she wouldn't take the shot, which is why she is in Florida. She is not telling a victim story, but she had a tough childhood that affects her relationships. Her parents separated when she was three. Her mom took her from Thailand to Malaysia and didn't tell her what had happened. She was traumatized but didn't know because she was too young. Her mom needed to keep working, and Shen was placed in different families, moving houses every year.
When Shen was 12 years old, she was molested by the man in the house where she stayed. When she called her mom, her mom told her to please just bear with it for another six more months, then she would take her to KL, the capital city where she was working. At that time Shen was staying in the north of Malaysia. Her mom said to just bear with it, and Shen said the man comes and touches her every night, but her mom said to bear with it another six months and then she would come and stay with her.
It may have been part of Shen's mother's cultural upbringing that she needed to bear with things like that herself. It feels inhuman what she said, but the guess is that she probably saw that as the way of the world. Shen felt abandoned and felt so much pain. Tony apologizes to her from all men for what the man did to her. He is grateful she doesn't have a cell in her body that he touched. The skin on her hands and whole body is replaced every 30 days. Her heart and even the muscles in her heart every 90 days are replaced. Every cell, every nerve, every atom in her body changes every two years.
Tony is speaking to the 2024 version of Shen. The version from 2022 is dust in the wind. The version from so many years ago that when she remembers it still creates pain doesn't exist in her body. He hates that this was done to her and would do anything he could to protect her. Now it's time for her to free herself because there's nothing the man did that's with her anymore except playing the memory in her mind. Why rent space to that person who didn't have any humanity in him. Tony can only imagine what the man went through in his life for him to be so cold to her, because what he knows is how horrible it is.
Those that abuse were usually abused as well, not always, but most of the time, both men and women. Tony is not making excuses for his behavior. It's intolerable. It's time for Shen to give herself the gift of stopping renting space to that guy in her head. He doesn't deserve it. He hasn't an ounce of touch on her. There's no bit of her that's been touched by him that still exists. It might be time to turn off that horrible horror story film because otherwise it becomes the filter for all relationships with men, and not all men are like that. Actually, most men aren't.
Some women think all men are a certain way because some women also pick men of a certain type. They want masculine energy and they pick immature masculine. Immature masculine wants to control you, wants to take from you, wants to dominate you, not in a sensual, playful way or loving way, but purely for themselves. They are completely selfish. There are women that are immature girls who will use their sexual energy to get whatever they want. They don't care what happens. Those people only stick around as long as they're getting what they want. There are a lot of them, but they're not the majority.
Real masculine is a man who would die for you, die to protect you, die to protect your children, die to protect your family, and not hesitate. That's what a man is made of, a real man, and they're out there. But first, you have to be able to experience them because right now it would be very hard because you'd feel unsafe. The tension you would probably feel unseen because that tension most men would feel and they wouldn't know where it's coming from, and they think maybe it's towards them or you're just that kind of person, and so it becomes kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Shen shares this is not the worst. After the molestation, she moved to KL finally to stay with her mom, but her mom was so busy working so she put her in a hostel. After Shen finished her secondary school, her mom told her that she had no money for her to go to college and wanted her to come out and work in a bar as a hostess, which is just one level before becoming a prostitute. Her mom wanted her to earn money for her.
Tony asks if it's possible that Shen's mother wasn't trying to make her a prostitute but that she worked in that environment and she didn't realize what it meant to Shen, because the meaning she had may not be the meaning her mother had. Many people are hostesses and don't think that's anywhere near being a prostitute. In fact, they love serving people. The place her mom wanted her to work was not a restaurant. You drink with men and then they pay you, they can touch you. With the right amount of money maybe you can sell your body. But because Shen has very strong values, she knew this is not right, this is not what she wants for her future, so she didn't go.
Shen is glad that she knows what she wants in life. It's not easy to say this out to 6,000 people, but she wants to say it out. She wants to break through. She doesn't want to live in this pain anymore. Pause for a moment and exit your story of what you've been through. Look around this room. Shen sees that she is not the only one. Everyone has their problem. Look at what you see from the people towards you right now. What do you feel. Open your eyes and feel what's surrounding you. It's magnificent. Look at men and women of every age, of every color, of every shape, of every religion, from 81 different countries on the screens in their homes in Australia and Taiwan and Malaysia, China, and Malaysia and London and Peru and Brazil and Canada and the US and all of us here with you.
Shen picked a good moment to heal, but take it in because otherwise the story will continue to carry you. At the time she was only 18 years old. Now she is 49. Take the 49-year-old and look around, not the 18-year-old. What we do very often when we get in our pain and our story of our pain, we think telling it again will complete it. And it doesn't. It just strengthens it. That's going to a therapist and reliving it all over and over again. It may desensitize you a little bit. Usually, it makes it easier to access those negative feelings. There's only one way to let this go, and that is cold turkey. Let it go. You don't repeat it. You say it now so you can feel truly understood by 6,000 people from 80 countries. That's pretty awesome. But more than understood, loved.
Shen wants to feel the completion, so she wants to complete telling us, but in various moments she should stop and look around again and just feel this moment. If you want to know God's grace, feel this moment, because he sent 6,000 souls who have all kinds of other things they do and it's the middle of the night and they're right here right now loving you. If you want to know there's a God, you now know there's a God. Just look around and feel God.
Shen says she had the biggest breakthrough of her life. She forgave her mom years ago. A few days ago, she had a breakthrough. Because of her tough childhood, she became who she is today. The person is strong. There is another breakthrough for today. In her past relationships she always told herself that they don't love her, actually they love her but she always says that they don't love her. No, she doesn't feel love. She doesn't feel love. That's why she has an excuse to cut off the relationship and go away. She wants to leave because before they abandon her, she just wants to leave.
You're going to beat them to the punch. You're quicker than they are. You're going to get out of here before they leave. But what if they never left. What if they didn't even want to leave. What if they actually did love you. Sometimes after enough painful experience, the next relationship you're in, you don't see that person. You see that person through the filter of your past relationships. And so they start to do something that was like that, and then you start reacting as if it means the same thing. You got to let your mother die. She is alive physically. You need to let her die, meaning she's no longer the source of your love that you're disappointed by. She's no longer where you look for it. She's no longer the filter for every relationship you have because that lack of trust comes from the situation with your mom.
One way you could do that also that you've said you've forgiven her and I believe you, but would be to actually somehow understand that it had nothing to do with you, Shen. That it had to do with all that was going on inside of her. As a woman, as a mother, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that through survival, through life, through burden, through responsibility, through duty, through my unconsciousness, you felt so unsafe. I'm so sorry that you were placed in that circumstance. What could you say to me, mother, that can free you utterly and completely. I know that you are not, you were not doing this intentionally. It's just like you have limited resources. You were not well educated. You don't have enough exposure. You don't know how to be a mom. And you didn't get the love from your parents. That's why you don't know how to be a good mom. Be a mom that always next to me and support me.
I'm so sorry from the depth of my soul. I'm so sorry and I love you so dearly and I haven't had the words to be able to make it right up until God has guided this moment in time with all these extraordinary angels holding space for us to heal. And as you heal, you're healing me. And I didn't even know I needed to heal. I'm so deeply sorry, Shen, for any pain that I have caused you. And I love you. I love you, too. I forgive many years ago. And I love you. I love you this moment. And because of you, I become a great mom to my son.
Shen is single. She keeps falling for the wrong guy because she already said the ending like she knows that he's the wrong guy and she knows that anytime she can get an excuse just to leave him. That is blocking her. Pain is part of life. People are not always loving and loyal all the time. Everything changes and everything ends, including your pain. But now you've learned to care for yourself because of your pain. So you found a way to meet your needs to a small extent. It's not the same richness as with someone you trust and is trustable and that you love and loves you. And that also can get in the way, because it's more controllable.
Now what has to occur if you want it to is like, okay, I'm not going back to the story anymore because even though it's painful, it's an addiction because you're such a giver. That the only time you'll give to yourself is if it hurts enough. Shen is a giver. We need to now expand your identity, not take that away. Tony's model of the world has been before he met this incredible soul was sacrifice equals love. So that's what he's done in all his relationships. Even his relationships with people like Shen. He'd go up an event and he would go before Sage was here. He would finish at 2 or 3 in the morning and then he'd be there for 2 hours signing autographs because in those days people didn't have cameras in their phone. And he made sure every single person felt that love and he received it like he'd earned it because there was nothing left in his body, spirit or soul after 14 or 16 hours or 50 after 4 days. But now he loves everybody. He gives his all and then he goes home. He has this love here that's so strong.
It's a slippery slope that when we have pain and it's legitimate pain clearly to let it continue because it meets the need for connection with ourselves. It meets the need for certainty because it's what we know and when things are overwhelming it actually is a form of variety and it's incredibly significant because it's so painful. So it becomes an addiction to stay in pain. That's not a comment on you because what you went through was inhuman. But if you're going to now have a fulfilling life, you have to replace this story with something else that meets your needs. And you have to decide that number one is to your advantage. That so many people when they hear everything changes, everything ends, they freak out. That also means something new begins. That's how Tony interprets that because it's the truth. When a door closes, three doors or windows open in his experience. But you have to look for them and you have to decide they're there. You have to decide that life is happening for me, not to me. And he sees Shen has done that. He's seen these breakthroughs that she's had even yesterday or day before like and what she just said to her mother in quotes. But now it's so in your body to go back to the story. That it's an addiction now. Can you see that.
We can get addicted to good things and we can get addicted to bad things and there's no other way you could have felt but pain. Most people would not have survived it. You pushed through. You're an amazing human being. You're an amazing soul and spirit and you deserve the happiness that's coming. But you have to free yourself of telling that story. So, I'm glad you shared it with us because you'll be able to tell people. The last time I ever told the story, and I'm not going to tell it to you now, was from the 6,000 people from 81 countries. And they were so loving to me. They listened to every word I said, and they understood. But they also wanted more from me. And so they made one request of me. Feel all our love. It's pretty amazing. Before Tony met this woman, he thought, how could I ever get this much love with one human being when I got tens of thousands of people loving me. It's heady experience. But intimate love is even more powerful.
Tony wants to call to Shen to put a stake in the ground that says no more of that story. I don't need to tell it to myself. I don't need to go revisit it. I need to go there because to do that will only fire off all those things again. And then those filters will keep me from the life I deserve. And I'm not going to let some man or my past control my future. And I'm sure it's not going to let it control my present. You are an amazing woman, but you need to claim your womanhood again instead of the victim side of you. I'm not making you wrong. I would be a victim if I went through what you're doing. It's insane what we've been through. However, the only way to a new path is to cut off the old. The only way you're going to take the island is burn those boats. So, let's burn this story. You shared it. 6,000 people see who you are and love you. We all honor your strength, from all over the earth. So now no more of that story.
Now what's the new story. I'm lovable. And I'm able to love. And when things look scary towards what you're afraid of instead of away. Whatever is scary in your life, my experience is if you will run towards it, that's called courage. It doesn't mean you're not scared. You'll run towards it. Whatever you're afraid of, you go towards it, not run from it. If you'll run towards it, even though every part of your nervous system saying, shit, I can't do this. If you'll run towards it, as you're running, there is a transformation. It's like the firewalk. As you take the first step, your brain goes, we're doing this shit. And you kick in gear and you get across it. So, you move towards it instead of going to push the button or running away because you're afraid because there may be a relationship or two that's still not the right one for you. And you'll learn from those. But if you make them about your past, now you're giving it a meaning that isn't really real. It's just two people whose values are not the same or who have different preferences or different expectations. But you're so much love inside you and you've been so vulnerable. There will be a beautiful man that'll be pulled to you, but you can't live there or he won't know what to do because most will not understand how to get through to this. Most men have not been trained on how to deal with this situation. All we would do is want to kill this guy.
But we can't. And it doesn't matter if we did. It wouldn't make your life better right now. Only you can make your life better right now by divorcing your story and marrying the truth of who you are today. And some people get divorced and they go hang out with a person divorced. No. No. No. You don't go visit this anymore. You don't go visit your divorce story. You cut it off. You don't say it another day of your life. Not because you're hiding it, because it's over. And this is what I'm going to build. I know we'll have some ups and downs. I know it won't always be perfect. It's not going to be a straight line, but I'm going to go on the journey, the hero's journey. I'm being called right now. And I know it's scary, but I'm going to meet some cool friends and some mentors, and I'm going to slay the dragons, and I'm going to experience the love, and I'm going to be the hero of my own life and bring that back to my son, as well as to my family.
Do you believe that there's a source greater than yourself. Source greater than myself, creation, God, divine, universe, beautiful, whatever is true for you. Another way to continue to clear and heal is beloved universe, beloved creator, I pray for mercy and compassion upon all those who have ever tried to hurt me. And all those that I have unconsciously or consciously hurt, may they be freed and may I be freed in the process. This prayer I pray for all my beloveds, our family, this entire room and the world. Amen. And through that prayer, through that surrender of the stories and the pain, and as we lifted up to something more than ourselves, we're free. Let it go. Let me free. You hold those keys. Have you taken those keys. And have you unlocked all those locks on your heart yet or do you want to do it now. It will take time slowly improve progressively. But I have a very strong faith that I will not be alone. I will meet someone that who is deeply connected. If I don't, I love myself. I love myself. I still have to. We all want to bring you home. You're adorable. Thank you. I waited for 5 years for this moment. I don't know that I would have been called, but I have a very strong faith that I'll been called. Happened. Miracle happened. Go for attraction. And by the way, there are 6,000 people in this room and we only called on three tonight and you're one of the three. So, you made this happen, didn't you. Yes. And therefore, you can make the relationship happen just the same way by a clear vision of what you want, not what you don't want. A clear commitment to whatever it takes to make that happen. Very clear. Very, very clear. And then what I'm going to do right now then for you and for everybody is show
There's no right one. It's just we just have to make it happen. 80% of success in a relationship is selection. Selecting the right person. No one teaches us that. When selecting who to be in the relationship, the question is which part of yourself you're going to bring. Are you going to bring the former person who no longer exists? Are you going to bring the lover? Are you going to bring the one who had the same passion as when you were pursuing? Are you going to bring the broken one? Whoever you bring, whoever you select in yourself to consistently bring forth is what controls the quality of your relationship.
The second selection is who you pick. But the one that's more important is which one you bring. If you bring a different part of yourself to someone, you're going to bring out a different part of them. It's 100% responsibility. What most people do is one person gets in the relationship and then another person takes over once it's established, and they aren't the same people. You need to select the first one. If you think it's the end of the relationship, act like it's the beginning of the relationship and there won't be an end because you did things very differently in the beginning.
There are three questions that you can answer that can help you to know who's most aligned with you that would be most likely when you select the best part of yourself to bring the best part of them out. It's not perfect. It's a map. It's not the same as the territory. You can make any relationship work. You don't have to constantly work at a relationship because when you enjoy something, it doesn't feel like work. When you have something you do for a living that you love and it's pretty effortless for you to do it, that's what you want your relationship to be.
One way you know it's the right relationship is that you want to be more from your partner than you even want to be for yourself. And so it calls you to be the best part of yourself to select that part of yourself regularly. That requires you to then select which part of Chen is going to show up: the past one that went through so much pain or the current incredibly strong, loving, passionate woman who's going to rock her world in the world of someone she loves. Karen one.
Keep Tony Robbins in your library
Save the videos and channels worth coming back to, and find them again in one place.
