What Women Choose When They Can’t Have Everything
In a Nutshell
Men allocate limited mate budgets to physical attractiveness while women prioritize resources and status; these preferences reverse when women have independent wealth, prompting men to increase parenting, grooming, and muscularity to compete. Luxury handbags and male self-beautification both serve as costly signals—handbags deter mate poachers by advertising spousal investment, while male grooming and weightlifting respond to women’s new emphasis on helpful partners rather than providers. These behavioral shifts are concentrated among college-educated men and reflect broader convergence in mate strategies following women’s financial emancipation.
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Norman Li conducted a study where participants were given an $8 budget to create their ideal mate. When given a large budget, both men and women wanted everything including good looks, good job, high status, and all other desirable traits. However, when given a smaller budget that more closely resembles real-life constraints, sex differences became pronounced. Men allocated more of their budget toward an attractive partner, while women allocated more toward a partner with resources and status.
A related study had participants allocate traits for themselves, and this mirrored the mate budget findings. Men tried to make themselves richer relative to women, while women tried to make themselves prettier relative to men. This explains why women are not typically seen arriving at nightclubs in supercars with expensive Rolexes, and why men are not typically spending excessive time on beautification.
Research by David Buss shows that throughout the 1900s, particularly after women's financial emancipation, mate preferences between men and women converged significantly. This period saw behavioral convergence as well, with women displaying their resources through items like handbags and shoes rather than supercars and watches.
Men have tripled their parenting effort since the 1970s. Male beautification has increased decade on decade since the 1990s, a trend documented by historian Lin Luciano. The average man's daily grooming routine today would be unrecognizable to his grandfather from previous generations.
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