EMILIE KISER EXCLUSIVE: The Loss That Changed Her Forever
In a Nutshell
Emilie Kiser recounts the preventable drowning death of her young son Trek, describing the immediate chaos, public scrutiny, and the permanent grief that has no finish line. She emphasizes that drowning is the leading cause of death for children under three and urges parents to install pool fences, use door alarms, and enroll kids in ISR swim lessons rather than relying on constant supervision. Her core message is that this tragedy can happen to anyone, so the only way to honor Trek is to spread awareness and build multiple safety barriers so other families never experience the same loss.
These notes were generated by AI and may contain inaccuracies.
Emilie received a phone call from her husband stating that their son Trek had fallen in the pool and was not breathing. Their entire world fell apart. There is no way to describe to someone what it's like losing a child. They did not think they would make it through that.
Emilie has invited many people into her life with honesty, warmth, and openness. Over the past year, she has walked through a life-altering experience that reshaped her world in ways no one is ever prepared for.
Emilie stated she is nervous and honored to be there. She feels okay.
As a mom, Emilie's priority day-to-day is taking care of her younger son Teddy. Her day-to-day is pretty normal. She wakes up and works out every day because she knows the good endorphins help her mentally throughout the day, and she notices a really big difference if she does not do that. She spends the rest of her day with her son and goes wherever it leads. She has learned throughout her grief journey that she cannot have too many expectations for herself, so she sets small intentions and goes where the day leads.
Emilie has a large platform. Going through what her family has been through this past year, nothing has felt like an appropriate place to talk about fully in depth what happened, what her family has been through, how much they miss Trek, and how much they love him. When asked to come on the show, she felt this was a person she could sit down with and have a really in-depth, meaningful conversation that will hopefully help people, spread awareness, and help her heal.
The whole motivation behind starting social media was that Emilie needed an outlet. She craved human interaction and human connection. She lived in Utah for about three or four years, but when she became a mom, her whole world shifted and her life changed. Nothing can prepare you for that journey. She was deeply craving something to fulfill her in a deeper way. Motherhood fulfills her, but she felt she needed her own thing. She decided to start sharing her day-to-day, thinking maybe people would relate. She was sharing morning vlogs, day in the life vlogs, and cleaning vlogs. It deeply motivated her. She was home alone most days with Trek, and it helped her get out of the house and get stuff done. The motivation was connecting with other moms and people.
Emilie's community feels warm and kind. She is grateful for her community and how much grace and love they always give her and her family, especially going through what they have gone through. She could have never anticipated the support she would receive.
Being so public and going through a loss affected the online community and herself. Emilie shares her life with everyone. It has definitely shifted her perspective on her boundaries and how much she chooses to share. She does not share her younger son anymore. She has a strict boundary that she does not share Trek anymore and will not share photos or videos of him. It has shifted her perspective that as much as she is grateful for the community, people do not actually know her or her real life. It is a hard thing to learn, especially going through what they did so publicly.
Emilie went out with her friends when she was five weeks postpartum for a girls' night out. About ten minutes after she arrived, she got a phone call from her husband that their son Trek had fallen in the pool and was not breathing. She could hear the pain and confusion in his voice. She knew immediately before he even said anything that something was wrong. She rushed to the hospital to be by her son's side, and their life completely changed that day. Trek passed away about a week later. Their whole world fell apart.
Her body went into fight or flight mode. She has been taking it minute by minute, hour by hour, and slowly increasing from there. The only thing going through her mind was that she wanted him to be okay, that she wanted her old life back, and that she wanted him to have his life back because it is what he deserves. When your child passes away from a preventable accident or preventable tragedy, all that goes through your mind is where did I go wrong, where did we go wrong, how did this happen, and why did this happen. Hindsight plays in your head 24/7.
The rumination and spiraling of questions is all-encompassing and all-engulfing. You are just wondering about if this, what if, why not. They had to make so many big decisions in a very short amount of time that no family should ever have to make. It feels impossible. You are truly going second by second because at any moment something could change or you could be given different news.
The hardest part is the heartbreak, the mess, and the love that you have for that person. Nobody will ever be able to feel what it is like losing a child, even if they have the most empathy in the world or have been in a similar situation. Those people can relate the most, but there is no way to describe to someone what it is like losing a child and what that pain is like. It feels unbearable. They did not think they would make it through that. You are constantly looking back asking how have I done that, how have we done that, how are we even here right now. Time just feels so warped and confusing. That is the hardest thing you cannot explain to someone. You will never know what it is actually like unless you are going through it. You will be surprised by the decisions you make, your thought process, and your grief. Even if you have heard similar stories before, you always sit there with theoreticals of this is how I would handle it or this is what I would do, and you would literally never know.
Your brain chemistry literally changes. The hardest thing is your loss and what you are going through in love and the life you had and wanting it back. But then you are also managing your career, which also has this public perception on it.
When Emilie first got the news that Trek had fallen in the pool and went to the hospital, her mind was anywhere but what are people going to say. She was only focused on him, and so was their entire family. The news broke because news cars started showing up and people started putting together that her house was her house. Little things like furniture matched in news video footage, and people started to put together that it was Trek based off of the descriptions that were being given. She had not even thought that far yet. When she found out that it had become public and that people were wondering what had happened, they were still wondering what had happened in that moment. She did not even have details really on what had happened. They were in the depths of just figuring out what Trek needed and what they could do to help him. From there it just became a frenzy. It was crazy. She was so uninvolved in that at the time that it was not until after he had passed away that she really realized how big it was and how many people were talking about what had happened to him.
There really is no answer for why it happened. At the end of the day, it happened because there were precautions that they did not take. Emilie is a very logical person and goes based off the facts, and that is what she had to do the entire time they were in the hospital getting information. There is no answer for why he is not here. There is nothing. It is that they should have protected him better, and that is why it happened.
When Emilie came back, she was fully preparing herself for any reaction she was possibly going to get. She was deeply craving a sense of normalcy. When you are grieving and go through any sort of loss, that is what a lot of people grip onto—how can I find any sense of normalcy in my life to get me through the day. For her, that was starting to slowly return to her job that she loves so much. Nothing could have prepared her for the support that she received. She was really emotional and blown away and so grateful. She very often feels very undeserving just because of how sad and guilty she feels, and sad for Trek that he is not here. Sometimes she feels undeserving of how they are able to still go on with their lives in the best way they can. She is grateful that she had so many people that were just there for her. Her community said however you want to take it, whatever you choose to share, you can share it. That is what she prepared herself returning with—the boundaries of she will just share what she is comfortable with because she would rather be ripped apart for what she does not share and for not sharing enough than share too much of the pain and the heartbreak and the thoughts that she goes through every day and be judged for that.
The added layer is the emotional toll of experiencing loss, then experiencing grief, getting support, but then actually feeling guilty and a little bit of shame to even experience that support. It is the emotional toll of all of those extremely difficult emotions to carry all at the same time. It is all the time.
People look at grief as stages or that at some point it is going to end, the pain is going to end. We look at grief as this finish line. That is not how it works. It is never-ending. Your grief is going to be with you for the rest of your life. Very early on they had so many amazing health professionals that helped them because they would not have even gotten to the mental place they are in now without those people. Even though it was such a weight to hear that this is never going to go away, that they are going through the darkest thing they could ever possibly go through, that they just lost their child and he is never coming back, and to hear that you are going to feel this forever, it feels impossible. You think it is never going to get better. But that is when the other lessons come in that everything is going to coexist with the grief. You could feel joy and feel so much sadness at the exact same time. You can feel support while also feeling guilty. You can feel sad while also feeling reminiscent on the memories. So many feelings coexist, and that is forever. The longer she has gone into her grief journey, the more she has learned that she is allowed to feel whatever, Brady is allowed to feel whatever, her family is allowed to feel whatever, but it can all coexist, but the grief is never going away.
The belief that there is a finish line, an end point, or a turning point is actually worse because then you are just waiting for that day. The stages of grief were designed for elderly people who are at the end of life, accepting that their life is going to end. That is not made for parents who have lost their child because there are no stages. It is never ending. You could be in one stage at some point and then at the next point you are in the complete opposite stage. You just have to accept that you have to feel what you feel when it comes, and that is just how you have to go about it forever.
They were barely able to get out of bed, barely able to get up and brush their teeth. They were not in a position to even take care of their young child. Emilie is grateful for the support and the family they had around them because they just could not have done it. When they were first going through it and she was five weeks postpartum, she was not even in a headspace to get into a routine at all. She was still trying to get used to having two kids. Her dad came to her and said she had to move her body. Her stepmom teaches Pilates on the side, and he would have her come over and help her. She would go on walks. But even at the beginning when they first lost him, they were not even leaving their house because they had people driving by taking videos, helicopters going over their house, and news showing up constantly. She was basically just in her home and did not want to be anywhere else. It felt impossible to get back into any sort of routine, but then at some point she felt like she did not have any other choice. She has to be the best version of herself that she can manage right now for Trek, for her younger son Teddy, for herself, for Brady. It is not a choice.
Emilie had mentally blocked out so much of the media presence because she was so focused on what they were dealing with inside of their home. She had PTSD from so many things. Hearing helicopters still go over her house, she is constantly thinking it is going to end up on the news. It was completely invasive.
At the end of the day, it is hard hearing anything that beats you up more than you are already beating yourself up. Nobody could say anything that would make them feel any more hurt than how they already feel not having him here. When you lose your child, you really do not care about anything else besides doing your best to get through it, and there is not even a through it. You do not get through it. It is doing your best to move forward, caring for your family. Having a younger son was and stays a huge motivation for her to keep going. Nobody could say anything that would ever hurt them more than they are already hurting, but it is hard to hear people make their own assumptions, their own conclusions, draw their conclusions about Brady, draw their conclusions about her as a parent. At the end of the day, she has to remember that these people do not know her and they are never going to know her on a level because that is impossible. Nobody is ever going to know you on the deepest level as the people who love you and truly know your heart and know you. She finds peace in that the people who know them, know them. That is really the only people you genuinely need in your life and that you need to understand you—the people who know you and love you. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. So much of the beginning, she felt so much anger towards the public, and she still does. She thinks she has every right to. But she also puts herself in the shoes that she would probably do the same thing and have assumptions and have opinions and have thoughts about what happened. Naturally, it is a natural human reaction to want to put blame on someone. It is the only way that you can come up with a logical reason of why it happened or how it happened is to place blame, and in some ways it makes people feel better. She cannot fully blame people.
The part that really resonated is this idea that you are already beating yourself up enough inside and you are already hurting enough inside that there is nothing anyone could say to you that could
Emilie explained that after losing Trig, the internal self-blame and personal pain were already so intense that no external comments could surpass that level of self-inflicted guilt. When asked what she would say to people filling in gaps with their own commentary, she stated that listing things she wished people knew or correcting assumptions ultimately does not matter. The only thing she wants people to know is how much they love and miss Trig.
Emilie acknowledged that she and her family beat themselves up every day and recognize what they could have done differently. She described hindsight as 20/20 and noted there are many things she now wishes they had done differently.
Emilie stated that the only way she can honor Trig and show her love for him is by taking care of Teddy and spreading awareness to help ensure fewer families experience what they went through. She noted that drowning is the leading cause of death in children three and under. While some groups hear about it often, she feels it is not talked about enough.
She emphasized that this tragedy is preventable and does not have to happen to others. She extended this message to many other preventable accidents, stating that this is what really matters for people to know.
Emilie shared that it took her eight months to accept that drowning took Trig's life. When asked what she was wrestling with, she explained she does not think she will ever fully accept what happened because although it was preventable, it still feels cruel. She described replaying that night repeatedly, questioning every decision and wondering how things went wrong. She characterized this as the process of going through hindsight over and over again.
Emilie stated she does not have an answer for how to accept it and believes everyone processes it in their own time. She does not think she will ever fully accept that he is gone or what took his life because it is so terrible and the pain he went through was so terrible. However, she is doing her best to acknowledge it and only do better from here.
Within about two weeks of returning home after losing Trig, Emilie's family connected her with resources through other people who had experienced child loss. She was intentionally kept off her phone and social media for mental health reasons. They went to a care farm that uses animal therapy combined with licensed therapists and doctors. The professionals there taught tools for coexisting with the pain rather than healing it, emphasizing that the grief will never fully go away but can become more manageable.
Emilie credited her family for getting them connected with grief therapists who specialize in loss and child loss. She and her husband attend couples counseling weekly. She expressed deep respect for therapists working in this space, acknowledging the weight they carry hearing these stories.
Emilie has spoken with a couple of mothers who experienced similar losses, which was somewhat helpful. However, she noted that unless someone has gone through the exact same thing with the same level of exposure, it often feels like there is nobody who can truly relate. She has not yet reached out to support groups but may feel more ready in the future once more time has passed.
Emilie explained that she does not define her days as good or bad. When experiencing child loss, she lives minute by minute and cannot think about an entire day at once. She described grief existing on a scale of one to 10 alongside a separate scale measuring her ability to manage it. If grief is an eight but her managing level is a 10, that constitutes a goodish day. She accepts moments when she cannot do what she needs to do.
She emphasized waking up each day ready to handle whatever is thrown at her. The interviewer noted that this framework of good and bad moments rather than whole days is powerful. Emilie added that every day is hard without Trig, but she still experiences good moments and joy, particularly from her younger son Teddy, while simultaneously feeling sad and empty. She stressed that everything coexists.
Emilie described setting boundaries around what she shares online, only posting what feels comfortable. She finds it difficult when people assume she has moved on or is doing fine because they see curated moments from her job. She noted that social media is never a full representation of anyone's reality. She accepts that people cannot understand the full experience of losing a child and prefers to protect her deepest grief for professionals who can truly support her rather than expecting social media to serve that role.
Emilie described experiencing fear, feeling unfit, and feeling scared after losing Trig. The loss showed her how quickly life can change and be taken away, which made her hyper-aware with Teddy. She acknowledged there are many things within her control through preventative measures, but also recognized there are freak accidents that cannot be prevented. She made a conscious choice to be the best mother she can for Teddy rather than letting the loss derail her entirely.
Emilie made a promise to Trig right before losing him that she would take care of Teddy. That promise has kept her going. She noted that many people commented that Teddy would have a terrible life and never have the same parents, which she found sad. She took it as motivation to give Teddy the best life possible and be the best mother she can, even while fundamentally changed by the loss.
Emilie and Brady have worked to grieve together and talk through every emotion. She expressed deep respect for Brady allowing her to feel every emotion throughout the process without making her feel bad for it. She acknowledged there was a time she felt so angry she questioned whether she could ever forgive him or stay married. The realization that the same situation could have just as easily happened to her created profound empathy. She recognized that Brady was caring for their five-week-old newborn when she left for dinner that night.
This perspective allowed her to understand that even if she had reached a point of not staying together, she would have wanted him to forgive her, and that same forgiveness applies to him. She described them as the only two people who can truly understand what the other is going through. They attend therapy together and have been given tools to support each other while also allowing space to grieve separately at times. She emphasized that it is not each other's job to balance the other's grief but rather to let their partner feel what they need to feel.
Emilie explained that Brady is one of the only people besides licensed professionals with whom she feels comfortable expressing every emotion of grief. They have the most profound conversations with each other about missing Trig, memories, and conflicting emotions. She loves talking about Trig even though it makes her sad, describing him as a light. They have made a deliberate effort to keep conversations about him open in their home so that Teddy never grows up in a world where Trig is an avoided topic. They have added photos throughout the house and make sure he is constantly brought up in daily conversation.
Emilie identified statements suggesting the child is in a better place or that the death was meant to happen as particularly hurtful. She explained that the best place for Trig was here with his family and that such comments feel like a band-aid. The only helpful things to say are expressions of sorrow that he deserves to be here and that the parent should not have to go through this loss.
Emilie stressed that the main takeaway from their experience is that drowning is preventable. For families with pools and young children, she recommends installing a pool fence and having as many barriers to entry as possible. She mentioned swim lessons and ISR lessons specifically. ISR refers to swim training for young children that teaches survival techniques such as floating on their back, often practiced in fully clothed conditions. She has already planned for Teddy to begin ISR lessons as soon as possible.
She emphasized that the biggest lesson is to watch children closely, while acknowledging that complete, uninterrupted supervision is not always realistic. The goal is to ensure multiple barriers exist so that if an incident occurs, there is time for intervention before a life is lost.
People aware using your loss and pain that you've gone through to actually help others and keep them aware and I think it's really really powerful that you've chosen to do that. A loss like this can make you want to be 100% vigilant and 100% like just never leave you know, Teddy's side in this scenario. And obviously that's not only not realistic, it it's not possible. Obviously that's best case scenario. That's the whole point of any any sort of prevention or barriers or anything. I mean, I'm specifically talking about pool safety, but that's not the only thing that can get hurt children, that can affect them. That's actually a a that you can use in your favor is knowing and being honest with yourself, honestly, of there is no possible way for me to always have my eye on them. And I know people might take that and be like, "No, I have my eye on my child 100% of the time." I don't know, you might think you do, but there's always lapses in judgment. There's always things that distract us in life. There's always things that can happen, and that's that's the biggest lesson is even if you think it will never happen to you, it can happen to you. It can. None of us are special. None of us can control little tiny choices and things that can make up the whole picture.
It's hard when parenting. I I did feel that, and I do feel that still, of I never want to take my eye off of him, and I I will do my best, everything in my power, to make sure I am always there when he needs me. But as a parent, you you just can't. Sometimes you have to go to work or leave your child in someone else's care. And I mean, the the the only thing you can do is trust. Trust that you've done everything you can, they'll do everything they can. And I mean, that's been a hard a hard thing for me to process because it does feel especially in those first few months, especially, of I'm never I can't leave his side. But I also just have realized over time that's not realistic. It's not healthy. And I just have to trust that I'm going to do everything I can.
I do know a mom who went through a very similar situation. About a month after we lost Trig, I talked to her for the first time. And I asked her, "Are you so scared of water? Are you so scared of the pool?" And her answer shocked me that she was like, "No." "Because I know that I I will do everything I possibly can to make sure that that never happens again." And and not just kind of again just rewired me where I was like "As much as you wish this never happened, as much as you're constantly overthinking everything you could have done differently, that's all you can do is change and be better. Make sure it doesn't happen again."
Same with other parents who they're not even going through it, they're bystanders or they're hearing about the story. That's all you can do is make sure it doesn't happen to you because it can. And and when it does happen to you, that's really what makes you realize, "Oh, this stuff can happen and it does happen all of the time." I mean, it will still scare you, but instead of letting that deter you, let it motivate you. That you know it can happen, so do everything you can. Fight like hell to make sure that it doesn't happen again. Make sure that you have your kids in the swim lessons. Make sure that you have a pool fence. Make sure that you have a sensor in your pool. Make sure that you have door alarms. Make sure that you have automatic closers on your sliding doors. Make sure the handles are high up enough. Do everything you can so that it doesn't happen again.
Jen, your name, I'm just so sorry for your loss and also just not only did you not deserve it, you didn't either and neither did your family and so I I I really hope that parents who listen to this will share with others and people who want to be parents will be thoughtful about these things and really thankful that you're using your voice and the challenges and struggle you've been through to help others. So, because it's so important, so needed. So, thank you, Emily. Thank you so much. Thank you for giving me the platform. You have a larger platform than I do and and I'm really grateful that I'm able to be here and talk about all of these really important things because I I really do just hope it will get across more people and will be on their radar. And yeah, I'm just I'm really grateful that you had me here and that I got to talk to you. I was excited to talk to you and just kind of hear your perspectives on different things and um yeah. The beautiful lessons you've given us today in how grief never really goes away, how grief can coexist with joy, with love, with reminiscing, and how you want to continue to celebrate the light that Trig is and continues to be in all the people that knew him and all the people that will continue to know him through his story. Yeah. And so, yeah, thank you, Emily. Thank you. Thank you so much. If you connected with today's episode, check out my raw and honest talk with the one and only Cardi B. She opens up about overcoming depression and how she balanced rising to fame and creating [music] a life for her children. But you can't tell me I'm a I'm I'm a bad mom. I'm a great mom. If I'm good at something, it's being a mom.
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