If You Can’t Make Decisions, Feel Stuck & Can’t Move Forward WATCH THIS
In a Nutshell
The core message is that inner peace isn't found by escaping chaos but by learning to stay still within it—through daily practices like seeds-and-weeds decision-making, breath alignment, visualization, and mantra meditation. These tools help override societal conditioning, ego-driven choices, and reactivity so you can consistently operate from your highest self. Lasting fulfillment comes from giving fully in service of others while building relationships rooted in non-judgment, acceptance, and mutual growth rather than control.
These notes were generated by AI and may contain inaccuracies.
Most people do not struggle to find peace but struggle to slow down long enough to feel it. In a chaotic world filled with constant energy and noise, such as sirens in New York City, the ability to drop into oneself is essential for building and blossoming. The core challenge many face is finding inner peace within themselves.
The seed of inner peace came from a mother's love. A mother's love can serve as the greatest shield against challenges, stresses, pains, and pressures that a child experiences growing up. Despite a difficult childhood, the protective nature of maternal love left no visible scars or battle wounds. This realization also acknowledges that the mother may have absorbed some of those wounds herself. As one grows older, the desire for loved ones to experience similar peace, love, and joy becomes tempered by the understanding that one cannot always control that outcome. Everything good is attributed to how the mother raised the individual, and her love continues to be felt today.
The mother was the hardest worker known, waking earlier than the children to do morning prayers. Spirituality and religion at home appeared ritualistic, practiced on particular days without deep meaning or spirit from an outside perspective. The individual observed the mother working hard: making fresh breakfast, lunch, and dinner daily, dropping off and picking up from school, and going back out to work. She was the breadwinner who did everything. This work ethic was absorbed by watching her navigate life without favors, optimal opportunities, or things lining up, without complaints or making a big deal out of difficulties.
During a stressful period around 7-8 years ago, the mother shared that the individual is "really good at dealing with stress" because significant stress was experienced while in the womb. This message conveyed strength and resilience while also bringing sadness for what the mother endured. Peace does not always come from peace but from knowing how to be still in chaos. Creating a peaceful atmosphere alone does not teach peace; instead, providing skills and tools to remain still in chaotic environments creates peace. The mother modeled this through her actions and movement through chaos.
The practice of stillness originated from listening to the inner voice, beginning around age 14. At that time, parental and family expectations conflicted with the inner voice, and the individual was courageous enough to stand up for their own position. Stillness is defined as the ability to declare one's stance, feelings, values, and what is important. It is not merely external calm like a still ocean or lake but being immovable in spirit and conviction. A quote from Martin Luther King is referenced: if you cannot stand for something, you will fall for anything. The initial example was refusing to study sciences despite family expectations; this was the seed of learning to be still.
Real stillness involves standing strong in who one is and what one believes, independent of external opinions. It means going inside to the depths of the soul and can be done anywhere, such as on a park bench, in an Uber, or on an airplane. This practice sharpens intuitive tools. When first starting to listen, the inner voice is quiet and soft because it has been ignored and shunned. As it gains confidence through attention, it becomes stronger, louder, more courageous, and more powerful. Giving the voice a personality, character, name, or identity makes recognition easier amid competing voices from expectations, society, social media, bosses, teams, and friends.
The true inner voice is often identifiable because no one agrees with it, leading to the sense that others may think one is crazy or will not vibe with it. It frequently requires going against the grain with resistance. For some, the voice brings flow and open doors; for others, it signals the need to break down doors and fight one's way forward. Preparation for this pattern comes from repeated experience. The external forms of stillness are also valuable.
Mastering the mind is an ongoing quest because one can master it one day and then need to return to work the next. In one's 40s, the realization emerges that there may never be a day to skip the internal work. This practice has opened a world beyond prior expectations and shifted everything internally while affecting others positively. Taking care of the mind first comes before anything else, including being a mom and wife. Without it, reactivity increases and one deviates from the purest, highest self. It is a never-ending beautiful journey of opening one's eyes daily, even when not wanting to do the work.
Societal conditioning, especially for women, encourages foregoing personal needs for family, children, and partners, accompanied by guilt for putting oneself first. This pattern was true for the mother, who sacrificed everything as a nurturer. The adult son now wishes she had taken time for herself. The reframe came from not growing up in a happy home filled with mental struggles and mental illness. The drive stems from a desire to bring love, happiness, joy, and fulfillment into the home's energy. Knowing how quickly one can shift into that negative gear necessitates extra work and daily devotion to oneself, family, team, community, and every interaction. The goal is to operate at a frequency and vibration never experienced growing up.
A favorite daily and weekly practice is called seeds and weeds. When making choices, one asks whether the choice plants a seed that will grow into a beautiful tree bearing fruit, providing shade, and offering rest, or plants a weed that will strangle the newborn tree and kill good things in the garden. This evaluates intentions and actions: whether saying yes stems from ego or from joy and purpose, and whether the action aligns with that intention. Mistakes occur on both sides, and one learns by planting a weed and later feeling its effects. Seeds include purpose, love, joy, commitment, duty, responsibility, and accountability. Weeds include ego, jealousy, anger, comparison, lust, and illusion. Pausing allows recognition of what is being watered or planted. Visualization involves unweeding the garden of the mind by grabbing the root of a weed and pulling it out, or planting a seed deeply with sunlight and water.
Initially, the practice was done on paper by drawing a line down the middle, labeling one side seeds and the other weeds, listing categories for each, and evaluating upcoming choices such as deals, partnerships, or career ventures. Honesty with oneself is required; sometimes a weed is recognized yet pursued because of being pulled toward it. Other times, the intention can be upgraded from weed to seed. The method provides a map for decisions like entering or staying in relationships, distinguishing between fear-based choices and those aligned with values and vision. Decisions are not viewed as final and fatalistic but as growable or cuttable like plants. A seed or weed both have long journeys, so catching a weed at 50% allows removal. There is no right or wrong decision under pressure; one can choose to make something work. The wrong decision may simply be harder, bringing more discomfort or stress, yet leading to greatest growth and lessons. A strong person is never seen with an easy past; overprotection creates weakness by preventing resilience-building. Allowing mistakes and deriving strength from them transforms everything.
Consciousness around vocabulary reveals how limited beliefs held one back for years. What were once labeled wrong decisions are now seen as the necessary path to the right outcome. People often downplay wins to make others comfortable, complain about their day to connect, or invent relationship issues for relatability. This creates self-generated drama, stress, and pressure through self-talk because it feels connective. Matching gossip or negativity lowers frequency. Lowering frequency becomes one's frequency, making one more like what is critiqued, compared, or complained about. Every choice either raises or lowers frequency. How one talks to oneself and to loved ones matters greatly. Recognizing words used toward the closest person is a major awakening. In the home, meditation is verbally encouraged because when mom has not meditated, reactivity appears. Softening edges and avoiding snap responses is an ongoing learning process.
When traveling as a monk in India, trains lack assigned seating and have conditions far below standard coach class. Jay boarded a train for a pilgrimage to the south, a journey lasting two to three days. The bathroom consisted of a hole in the floor and was extremely filthy upon boarding, leading Jay to fast for the entire trip rather than use the facilities.
The train environment was chaotic with people sitting everywhere, including on the floor and in assigned seats. Jay planned to get off at stops to meditate in quieter areas near the station before reboarding. His monk teacher observed this pattern and asked whether Jay believed life would be peaceful like the station stops or chaotic like the train. Jay responded that life would likely be more like the train.
Don't look for peace to create peace. Find peace in the chaos because then you've really found peace.
This lesson enabled Jay to meditate on the train amid crowds, people sleeping in seats, and constant movement. The skill developed allows meditation in any environment, including the back of an Uber or on a plane. Disturbances during meditation are viewed as the best opportunity to test one's ability to maintain focus.
Jay practices three distinct forms of meditation. The first is breath work, which he uses to begin each day. During his early days as a monk, he observed a ten-year-old monk teaching younger children how to breathe on their first day of school. The young monk explained that breath is the only constant from birth to death and that every emotion connects directly to breathing patterns. Learning to navigate breath enables navigation of life itself.
Breath quality dictates daily experience and human performance. Proper breathing allows lifting heavier weights, staying in cold plunges longer, and achieving athletic excellence. Musicians rely on breath control for powerful singing and wind instrument performance. When energy is low, breath can transform one's state.
A simple morning breath practice aligns body and mind when one is ahead of the other. The exercise involves inhaling for a count of four and exhaling for a count of four. The goal is matching the mental count pace exactly with the physical breath, preventing the mind from racing ahead or the body from lagging behind.
This practice addresses the internal competition where the body wishes to remain in bed while the mind pushes for productivity, or vice versa. By bringing both into collaborative partnership, the day begins without stress and tension. Anxiety causes shallow, rapid breathing, and this alignment technique counters that pattern by deepening and slowing the breath. Placing a hand on the stomach helps confirm proper diaphragmatic breathing rather than chest breathing.
The second meditation practice is visualization, performed almost daily. Rather than visualizing outcomes like success or podium finishes, Jay visualizes the process of showing up for each interaction. He mentally rehearses meetings by picturing the person, the location, and the energy he wants to bring. This creates a mental dress rehearsal for situations that cannot be rehearsed in real life.
Visualization takes approximately three minutes and is used before stage appearances, interviews, meetings, and presentations. For difficult experiences, visualization primes the body to handle the situation without physical distress. Jay once visualized skydiving seven times until the nausea he initially felt disappeared, allowing him to complete the actual jump without sickness.
Elite athletes use process visualization. Lewis Hamilton visualizes each turn at specific speeds rather than winning. David Beckham visualized the exact technique for curving a ball into the top corner. Jay recommends visualizing morning routines the night before, including where slippers and workout clothes should be placed, to overcome mental resistance to waking early.
The third and longest practice is mantra meditation, involving repetition of sacred sounds from Sanskrit. These sounds carry frequency and potency connecting practitioners to their higher self, source, and divinity. The word "Om" represents the starting syllable of the universe and the first sound that existed. Sound reveals images and memories, and sacred names function similarly to affirmations.
Names such as Krishna (the all-attractive) and Rama (the reservoir of all pleasure) are repeated with the intention of being used in divine service as an instrument. The mantra is spoken aloud at a volume audible to the practitioner.
Jay never envisioned his current life and success. He had planned to remain a monk permanently, but leaving the monastery brought rejection from forty companies unwilling to hire a former monk. Family warnings about wasted years and lack of job prospects appeared to materialize.
This experience taught that personal plans are often inferior to a greater plan that unfolds when one's own vision is released. Early speaking engagements drew zero attendees for the first two attempts, then two people, then ten. For ten years before creating videos, audiences rarely exceeded one hundred people. Gratitude for small audiences enabled growth to larger platforms. Jay maintains the feeling of intimate connection even when speaking to large groups by recalling the presence he brought to audiences of three.
The guest shares that their deepest desire is to use everything they've been given in the service of others—to completely run dry and empty while giving all their gifts. They feel fortunate and a responsibility to reciprocate with what they've received. They acknowledge their life hasn't been easy or a straight path, but they have a lot to give and want to give it all.
The greatest joy comes from being with their wife, who they describe as joy personified. Any moment seeing her smile, hanging out, or being with her feels like magic. She's steady in her joy, which comes from both her upbringing and her own practices and habits. They note having more mood swings than she does.
From a work perspective, the greatest joy comes from constantly trying to see what's possible. The guest describes living in an ultimate realm of possibility, having shifted from not believing anything was possible to now asking what is possible. They find joy in trying things far outside their comfort zone—things they once only dreamt of or wouldn't have dreamt of.
They view their current life as "bonus world" and reject the idea of being satisfied with current achievements, emphasizing there's more to give, experience, and live. While acknowledging it's not safe and involves risk, they love feeling nervous and view this as what life's for. The interviewer notes the power of shifting from "what if?" to "why not?" and testing ideas.
The interviewer emphasizes that at the end of the day, everything is about the love we have in our life, the love we have to share and give, and the love we experience with those closest to us. The guest wrote an entire book on the lessons of love.
The guest and his wife have been together for 12 years and married for nine. The interviewer notes that longevity in relationships means marrying many different versions of a person over the years.
When asked how he stays so connected with his wife, the guest explains that love is reciprocal and mutual. The first principle is that when someone loves you, they never use your wounds against you—they never weaponize your vulnerabilities. If you've opened up, they don't use that to shut you down or expose your heart harshly. They hold what you've shared as sacred and treat it gently.
The guest states he cannot think of a moment where he felt judged by his wife, calling this the most freeing thing in the world since everyone else judges constantly. Not having judgment at home is freeing, though his wife still challenges him to improve and holds him accountable—she checks him and humbles him, but he never feels judged by it.
Judgment differs from accountability because judgment means wanting to control or fundamentally disliking something about someone, creating pressure that pushes partners away rather than bringing them closer.
Another principle is that someone who loves you won't try to change you—they accept everything you bring. They may not love everything, but they accept it and try to understand how each trait makes you who you are.
The guest gives the example of his ambition: if he were less ambitious, he'd be less attractive to his wife because she married him for who he is, including his drive. Similarly, family and connection are core to who his wife is, so he doesn't want to change or compete with her priority of flying back to London to be with family.
Often in relationships, people try to change the very things that made their partner attractive in the first place. The guest notes that you can't have someone without the qualities that define them—if you married a full-on career person, you can't suddenly expect them to slow down without losing that part of who they are.
The truth is that you're never going to change anyone anyway, so trying wastes time. The interviewer acknowledges this dynamic has been true in her own relationships, including with her husband who works in nightlife while she works in wellness.
The interviewer shares her own transformation: recognizing that control stood in the way and learning to surrender. She used to think she could change her husband and would nag or make passive-aggressive comments, but through her own growth, she's learned to let go. Now her husband meditates from his own free will, and their relationship has improved because of it.
The guest shares that when he met his wife, she was committed to working out five to seven days a week while he was focused on mastering the mind and didn't care about the body. She never made him feel bad about not working out. Instead, she presented exercise in a way that aligned with his goals—explaining it would make him more productive and effective mentally. This inspired him to start working out consistently.
The guest warns that when you try to force your partner to do something, it often backfires because people have an inner child that resists being told what to do. When one partner acts like a parent, the other acts like a child, which removes love, romance, connection, and attraction—the very things that created the relationship initially.
Instead, setting an example allows your partner to feel inspired and choose to rise to that level, keeping both people as partners rather than parent and child. The guest notes that both he and his wife have become healthier because of each other—he now checks every ingredient list and works out five times a week because of her influence, but she never forced him.
A partner should be a safe place where you can be everything you need to be without judgment, provided the relationship isn't exploitative or abusive. The guest wants to admit his weaknesses to his wife without feeling judged because if he can't go to her, where can he go?
He has told his wife that he never wants to live a day without love. If she ever falls out of love with him, he wants her to tell him because he can't bear to live without love and doesn't want to waste time not feeling it. While hard, this conversation is necessary because love is the deepest part of life and shouldn't be compromised on any more than career trajectory would be.
The interviewer expresses deep appreciation for the conversation, noting the guest's genuine and pure energy. The guest reciprocates, praising her ability to create a calming, genuine space that allows for raw and vulnerable conversation.
The guest announces his upcoming tour across 15 cities in North America and Canada, including New York at the Theater at MSG, LA at the Greek Theatre, Chicago, Vancouver, Toronto, Dallas, Colorado, Miami, San Francisco, Seattle, and Boston. The tour features surprise guests and focuses on creating community and connection. Two years prior, he did a world tour covering nearly 40 cities.
The interviewer commits to attending the New York show. The episode closes with a recommendation to watch the interview with Dr. Daniel Amen on changing your life by changing your brain.
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